Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 i have another thread about it.................in this forum called "gah stupid". i don't know if he'd have sent it on purpose. read the thread and tell me what you think
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I am very clumsy so have sent texts to the wrong person a lot! I think you were either on his mind or he did it on purpose. If he still kept your number , he must still have doubts. Most people are told to delete numbers/facebook/MSN etc I doubt my ex has my number
hoartiosans Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 ...i'm sure he's having a great time without me. nearly 7 weeks nc now, just over two months split. he doesn't give a crap. ... I've been feeling that way too, like she's probably gigling and laughing and having such a wonderful life now that she's purged me from her life. It kills me, to think that, I convince myself that it's true...but I know I meant something to her, so she can't be all sunshine and butterflies (if she is it's a front) she likely felt some of the pain I did, she tried to send me a text, but I ignored her (I was going no contact) I know she was thinking about me, she told me she loved me still, but she was too commited to this belief that she "needed" to marry a minister. I know a normal person wouldn't say they still love idk why she did, but they do think about us, but like you, I still don't understand how one morning, she's just done with me. It's a mixed bag of emotions for me...boy, this is tough!
ans562 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 The first time I got my heart brokenI remember thinking that I would never ever be able to move on from it, but guess what I did. When I think about her it doesn't really even hurt that bad anymore. Get busy doing things that you want to do with your life. The confidence will come back, someone else will be attracted and you will be armed with the lessons you learned from your first relationship. Good luck. You are going to be fine. I promise.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I am very clumsy so have sent texts to the wrong person a lot! I think you were either on his mind or he did it on purpose. If he still kept your number , he must still have doubts. Most people are told to delete numbers/facebook/MSN etc I doubt my ex has my number he also said when breaking up that he'd be regretting it for a long time and that if he ended up ringing me in a few months time, i'd know why. i wish he hadn't said that, it was just to soften the blow but i still hang onto it. he said he wouldn't be able to think about being in a relationship for a long time. but judging from what other people here have said about their ex's, i don't quite know what to think of that one. i deleted his number. i deleted him from facebook and bebo. i know his previous ex who he was with for three years who he dumped is still on his bebo, neither of them deleted each other. i don't think he's the deleting type! i did it so i wouldn't be tempted to stalk or text/call. i know his number by heart, so that doesn't make much difference. whether it was a mistake or he was thinking of me...................i can't ever know that
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 The first time I got my heart brokenI remember thinking that I would never ever be able to move on from it, but guess what I did. When I think about her it doesn't really even hurt that bad anymore. Get busy doing things that you want to do with your life. The confidence will come back, someone else will be attracted and you will be armed with the lessons you learned from your first relationship. Good luck. You are going to be fine. I promise. thanks ans. i'm getting busy applying for work, practicing driving because i have a test coming up. still so many reminders though. and i've learned so much from this. so much i want to put to practice and see that i can! just still hung up on him that's all. i'd like to use what i've learned with him! i know that's stupid. i feel like twisting my leg around to give myself a kick up the ****!!!
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 he also said when breaking up that he'd be regretting it for a long time and that if he ended up ringing me in a few months time, i'd know why. i wish he hadn't said that, it was just to soften the blow but i still hang onto it. he said he wouldn't be able to think about being in a relationship for a long time. but judging from what other people here have said about their ex's, i don't quite know what to think of that one. i deleted his number. i deleted him from facebook and bebo. i know his previous ex who he was with for three years who he dumped is still on his bebo, neither of them deleted each other. i don't think he's the deleting type! i did it so i wouldn't be tempted to stalk or text/call. i know his number by heart, so that doesn't make much difference. whether it was a mistake or he was thinking of me...................i can't ever know that I don't know my ex's number by heart but still have texts and pictures of him on my old phones. I'm not sure when I will delete them , everything is such an effort at the moment. I did set up new youtube account so I couldn't check him. It is unfair to dump you and say he might get back in touch , it is almost like treating you as his back-up. Only time will tell if he sent text by mistake. He might have been testing the water. If he does text again-ignore him. I wish I could take my own advice as I know if he text me I would answer. I feel guity and stupid that I knew my relationship was sinking yet did nothing
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 i don't get the ignoring thing.............i know it's part of the whole NC thing, but i think that's way too strict! i feel it would be like shooting myself in the foot because i do want to get back together. all i'd do would be put off replying for a few hours until i'm sure i'm saying the right thing. i know the whole idea behind NC is to heal. and there's another notion that not texting back means you're making yourself unavailable..............what you can't have, you want............so that the person then trying to contact you will probably want to contact you more............ it's confusing to say the least. you're right though that it was unfair of him to say that he might come back. i don't want to be on anyone's backburner. i also don't want him to think i'm waiting around for him. when in essence that's exactly what i'm going. feel like breaking NC to let him know this. i won't be backburner girl. although sending that two months later when he may even be with someone else is a little stupid. not to mention pointing out exactly what i don't want him to know.................that i'm still lingering. deleting the photos is oddly therapeutic lamb. for me it was anyway, but i wasn't with my ex as long as you were with yours, so i guess it's a different story. i've put all the stuff he gave me away where i'll have to root to get them. some people here will say just get rid. they're my memories though. i can't do that.
hoartiosans Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 ...I feel guity and stupid that I knew my relationship was sinking yet did nothing This may seem ridiculous, but I wish I could look back and see my relationship failing, even if I had been ignoring warning signs, but I wasn't. The day before she broke up with me she told me she loved me we talked to each other like nothing was wrong, because nothing was wrong, or at least I thought, I don't know what was on her mind during that day, I never will. I hate that she could throw away an amazing connection like we had, I just don't get it, I feel betrayed.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 This may seem ridiculous, but I wish I could look back and see my relationship failing, even if I had been ignoring warning signs, but I wasn't. The day before she broke up with me she told me she loved me we talked to each other like nothing was wrong, because nothing was wrong, or at least I thought, I don't know what was on her mind during that day, I never will. I hate that she could throw away an amazing connection like we had, I just don't get it, I feel betrayed. i know what you mean hoart. i didn't see the relationship failing..............i thought of it as more of a bumpy part. thought we could talk and overcome it. iwhat doesn't kill you makes you stronger. he sung dumb then when i said i thought things weren't going so well.............don't know if he was just pretending............or genuinely didn't see it the same way i did.......................i feel betrayed like you do. it kills me that when he wanted to try, i didn't want to talk. i guess i took it for granted that he'd wait. and when i wanted to talk, he decided to bail. i've messed up so bad. he handled it badly too though. again, WISH we could have TALKED!
hoartiosans Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 My ex never seemed to want to talk, about anything, her day, how she was feeling, nothing like that, unless it was on her terms, I remember one time she told me she was upset, and when I asked her what happened, she said, "I don't want to talk to you about it." So when she brought up this minister crap, I had no idea where it was coming from, I had hoped if she had those kind of feeling we could have talked about them, even if they hurt me, at least I would have felt like I had a chance to keep the relationship alive, she would even talk about it after she dumped me, she just wanted me to accept it and move on like I was supposed to just take it, god she's hurt me.
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 i don't get the ignoring thing.............i know it's part of the whole NC thing, but i think that's way too strict! i feel it would be like shooting myself in the foot because i do want to get back together. all i'd do would be put off replying for a few hours until i'm sure i'm saying the right thing. i know the whole idea behind NC is to heal. and there's another notion that not texting back means you're making yourself unavailable..............what you can't have, you want............so that the person then trying to contact you will probably want to contact you more............ it's confusing to say the least. you're right though that it was unfair of him to say that he might come back. i don't want to be on anyone's backburner. i also don't want him to think i'm waiting around for him. when in essence that's exactly what i'm going. feel like breaking NC to let him know this. i won't be backburner girl. although sending that two months later when he may even be with someone else is a little stupid. not to mention pointing out exactly what i don't want him to know.................that i'm still lingering. deleting the photos is oddly therapeutic lamb. for me it was anyway, but i wasn't with my ex as long as you were with yours, so i guess it's a different story. i've put all the stuff he gave me away where i'll have to root to get them. some people here will say just get rid. they're my memories though. i can't do that. It is like living in limbo , we know we have to move on but our hearts are still hurting. I wouldn't find it therapeutic at all. I found a load of his stuff at christmas but he hates me so much that he won't be coming around for them. I have some presents he bought me-ring , expensive fountain pen , chair , crystal sheep etc but I am keeping them. At least I know I was once loved. What reminds me of him the most is a scar I have from a life saving op. He was at my side when I was in intensive care nearly dying and now we are estranged forever. So sad
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 This may seem ridiculous, but I wish I could look back and see my relationship failing, even if I had been ignoring warning signs, but I wasn't. The day before she broke up with me she told me she loved me we talked to each other like nothing was wrong, because nothing was wrong, or at least I thought, I don't know what was on her mind during that day, I never will. I hate that she could throw away an amazing connection like we had, I just don't get it, I feel betrayed. Our relationship was up and down. We are both moody and couldn't live together etc but we were still talking about our future when we split and when we got back together he agreed we were well suited. I don't understand why people leave if they still love is. It is even more cruel
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 It is like living in limbo , we know we have to move on but our hearts are still hurting. I wouldn't find it therapeutic at all. I found a load of his stuff at christmas but he hates me so much that he won't be coming around for them. I have some presents he bought me-ring , expensive fountain pen , chair , crystal sheep etc but I am keeping them. At least I know I was once loved. What reminds me of him the most is a scar I have from a life saving op. He was at my side when I was in intensive care nearly dying and now we are estranged forever. So sad that's really sad lamb. we swapped our things back a two weeks after the break up, he called here. it was weird. i had to muster all of my energy not to shed a tear. and i didn't, i'm so glad. but when all our stuff was handed over.............he stood looking at me the way he always used to. i thought he wanted a hug...........so i just said thanks, see you around and shut the door in his face. he didn't know where to look. made me feel a little better but also guilty..... why do you think he hates you lamb?
hoartiosans Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 ...i know the whole idea behind NC is to heal. and there's another notion that not texting back means you're making yourself unavailable..............what you can't have, you want............so that the person then trying to contact you will probably want to contact you more............ it's confusing to say the least... NC isn't about making the other miss you and want you back (idk if that's what you want) talking to them does us no good, it's about being able to move on, to forget them, that seems wrong even to me but it's what has to be done, I mean what good does it do us to talk to them constantly, we need to get back to how we felt when we didn't love them, back to the way we felt before we were even friends with them, we have to not care and I know that feels wrong but it's the only way to move on fully. And seriously I doubt he "Hates" you lamb.
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 that's really sad lamb. we swapped our things back a two weeks after the break up, he called here. it was weird. i had to muster all of my energy not to shed a tear. and i didn't, i'm so glad. but when all our stuff was handed over.............he stood looking at me the way he always used to. i thought he wanted a hug...........so i just said thanks, see you around and shut the door in his face. he didn't know where to look. made me feel a little better but also guilty..... why do you think he hates you lamb? He collected his things Dec 21st and gave me back some money owed. I told him I found other items but it would take a miracle for him to knock on my door. I wish I knew why he hated me but I don't. He had a bereavement just after we split and sought comfort elsewere , the ultimate proof someone hates you. I have just remembed-during the last phone call to him he said "I have no unresolved issues". Very strange to say that out of nowhere. I guess his new girl asked him if he was ready to date. He will be engaged before christmas , he seems to crave marriage
hoartiosans Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 He collected his things Dec 21st and gave me back some money owed. I told him I found other items but it would take a miracle for him to knock on my door. I wish I knew why he hated me but I don't. He had a bereavement just after we split and sought comfort elsewere , the ultimate proof someone hates you. I have just remembed-during the last phone call to him he said "I have no unresolved issues". Very strange to say that out of nowhere. I guess his new girl asked him if he was ready to date. He will be engaged before christmas , he seems to crave marriage I really don't think he hates you, it sounds like he's just trying not to give you false hope, I imagine he probably wanted to go to you for comfort, but just couldn't do it (Not saying I know your situation) My ex tiptoed around her words when I tried to talk about it, to the point where it was annoying, but I know what she was trying to do.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 NC isn't about making the other miss you and want you back (idk if that's what you want) talking to them does us no good, it's about being able to move on, to forget them, that seems wrong even to me but it's what has to be done, I mean what good does it do us to talk to them constantly, we need to get back to how we felt when we didn't love them, back to the way we felt before we were even friends with them, we have to not care and I know that feels wrong but it's the only way to move on fully. And seriously I doubt he "Hates" you lamb. i know hoart. that's not why i'm not contacting him. the reason i haven't is because i feel i can't take any more rejection from him. i didn't make myself clear, it's more if he were to text me now, which he did the other night, with a text meant for someone else though. see above posts about that! because i would like to give it another go..............but i'd still like to get back to where i was before i met him. that's important.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 He collected his things Dec 21st and gave me back some money owed. I told him I found other items but it would take a miracle for him to knock on my door. I wish I knew why he hated me but I don't. He had a bereavement just after we split and sought comfort elsewere , the ultimate proof someone hates you. I have just remembed-during the last phone call to him he said "I have no unresolved issues". Very strange to say that out of nowhere. I guess his new girl asked him if he was ready to date. He will be engaged before christmas , he seems to crave marriage i don't think it means he hates you lamb. i'm sure it would have been hard for him to approach you for that reason. also if he was to come back to you for that reason, where he doesn't want to get back together, it would still be giving you false hope regardless. which isn't fair on either of you. was this other woman on the scene before you broke up? it does sound a bit dodgy.........
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I really don't think he hates you, it sounds like he's just trying not to give you false hope, I imagine he probably wanted to go to you for comfort, but just couldn't do it (Not saying I know your situation) My ex tiptoed around her words when I tried to talk about it, to the point where it was annoying, but I know what she was trying to do. There was no false hope. I annoyed him and now he hates me. I thought we would stay friends but he changed his mind. Anyway , if he hates me it just shows how moronic he is. And how changeable his heart is. He said no more running away then left 2 days later. I doubt he remembers my name now he is dating a woman into certain things.
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 that happened me too, friday night he wanted to see how things would go, take things slowly. sunday he breaks up with me. i emailed him after and said why the sudden change of mind? he said he had wanted to break up with me the friday but couldn't when he say me because it's not an easy thing to do...... i still don't think he hates you. he's probably annoyed alright if you kept contacting him after the break up. and i'm sure he's not forgotten your name either
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 i don't think it means he hates you lamb. i'm sure it would have been hard for him to approach you for that reason. also if he was to come back to you for that reason, where he doesn't want to get back together, it would still be giving you false hope regardless. which isn't fair on either of you. was this other woman on the scene before you broke up? it does sound a bit dodgy......... No. He is lucky and seems to have met her mid December although something he said to me late Nov is worrying me slightly . When we were still talking he said his heart was shattered and he didn't want anyone/anything. Two weeks later I am deleted from his youtube and see her picture/age/location. At least I am prettier:confused:
Author not_a_happy_camper Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 At least I am prettier:confused: lol! it does sound like she was in the picture already...........that's lousy
hoartiosans Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 There was no false hope. I annoyed him and now he hates me. I thought we would stay friends but he changed his mind. Anyway , if he hates me it just shows how moronic he is. And how changeable his heart is. He said no more running away then left 2 days later. I doubt he remembers my name now he is dating a woman into certain things. There is no false hope, because he didn't want to give it to you, and if it makes you feel better, than does sound low, what he did to you. I feel the same way about my ex right now, I hate her right now she pretty much did the same thing, one day she loved me to death, the next day I wasn't good enough for her perfect little future.
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 lol! it does sound like she was in the picture already...........that's lousy I have just remembered something which proves she didn't already know him when I did. I'm not sure if it comforts me or not. I still imagine him zooming down the motorway to see her most days. If they do split he will probably end up with his female friend. Not that it matters now. I know women do it too , but I don't know why men find it so easy to walk away. I am trying not to be cynical but it is hard! Stay away from the Infidelity boards is my advice
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