redant Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I get worried because in my last few relationships I was a rebound and I get freaked out when someone I am with brings up there ex. I have been single for a year after a 5 month relationship where I was the rebound. I finally meet someone I like, we are getting along well. It's just that for one year and a half he was with his ex. He broke up with her in August we met end of November. I'm afraid I'm getting into another rebound. He doesn't talk of her often but sometimes we are places and he will mention how his ex worked at this place and such and such. They did share time together recently so I guess it is normal. He said he never loved her, which is weird. He also said he is not getting back with her. I have not brought it up nor do I want to again. We have been dating 2 months. I feel somewhat secure, but I get worried. Also I am ready to get married. What I mean I don't want to date someone a year and a half like his ex and then find out that person is not interested. ANy insight? Anyone in rebound relationships alot??
Trialbyfire Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 redant, have the two of you had the discussion of exclusivity yet?
Author redant Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 We are exclusive. We did not discuss. It is a known in a way. I don't know if I need to discuss the exclusivity, but I in the near future I want to know what he is thinking of us and if he is thinking of marriage, because I am wanting to be with someone who is wanting the same. We are both in our late thirties. I will think about the exclusivity thing it's just that we make plans together always.
Author redant Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I just hate relationship I don't know why I bother!!!!! UGH. I wish I was from India where my family would pick me a mate. It is easier and makes sense.
dreamergrl Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 We are exclusive. We did not discuss. It is a known in a way. I don't know if I need to discuss the exclusivity, but I in the near future I want to know what he is thinking of us and if he is thinking of marriage, because I am wanting to be with someone who is wanting the same. We are both in our late thirties. I will think about the exclusivity thing it's just that we make plans together always. I hope you don't mean too much in the near future. It's a bit soon to be thinking about that. Personally, I think because you are so worried about one thing, you're looking to far ahead. Take things day by day.
Tomcat33 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Redant what is your deal with marriage? While I understand that marriage represents different things for different people at the end of the day it is not a commodity. Typically speaking we tend to think in terms of marriage as a next step to an all encompassing partnership/relationship, I mean marriage for the right reasons. Then of course there are all the other types of thoughts of marriage that have nothing to do with that they are moreso a tendency towards social pressure for acceptance. Is that what is going on with you? Do you view your place in society and in this world would only feel validated if you were married? I mean you just met this guy a few months ago you shouldn't be thinking in those terms yet, you really don't know what this man is about yet how can you even be thinking you want to marry him after two months? What sort of long term picture could you have formed in a few months? I like the idea that you don't feel the need to have the exclusivity talk, in most naturally progressing relationships there isn't a talk about that you just know that you are where you are. I remember one ex said to me at around the three month mark "so I can't stop talking about you to my friends and I was thinking since Christmas is around the corner how would you like to come over and meet my parents" to which I of course accepted. And then he smiled and said "ok well I guess you won't mind if I call you my girlfriend now then" to which I answered "only if you mind if I call you my boyfriend" I mean we did it in a joking manner but the writing was on the wall. You have to allow yourself time to enjoy a relationship and also allow him ample time to enjoy you and the relationship. I would STRONGLY recommend you DO NOT ask him if he is thinking in terms of marriage it is FAR too soon and chances are you will be dissapointed with the answer. The guy is probably not thinking in those terms yet it's only been two months. By doing otherwise you will plant a seed of doubt in this man's mind, rather than let the relationships bulid nicely and naturally. If you allow his feelings to progress naturally then you can get to a point where you can actually have a conversation like that and it will make sense in his mind. Right now he might think "does she really like me for me or is she just rying to fill some quota?". What is the rush Redant?
Author redant Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 thanks for all the input. Yea I guess I feel pressure from my family and society. But also I am in my late thirties and I want to have a partner to help me, help each other. But yea I will let it progress. It is going fine. I get panicky, but I'm gonna try to stay logical.
Author redant Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 It is nice having dating coaches.
Tomcat33 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 thanks for all the input. Yea I guess I feel pressure from my family and society. But also I am in my late thirties and I want to have a partner to help me, help each other. But yea I will let it progress. It is going fine. I get panicky, but I'm gonna try to stay logical. Things are good don't panick don't ruin them with things that are not apropirate for this stage in the game. Love happens in stages and marriage will fall naturally into place when the right time comes. I mean your only goal right now should be to enjoy the relationship as it is and become stronger friends with him, to get to know him and learn more about him and yourself in the process. Create a strong foundation so that when enough time has passed and your hearts have progressed along you can have talk like that and it will be a shared experience rather than an obligation. You see what I mean? I am not saying date him for 10yrs, one or two years is good enough. On the flip side I don't think you should spend more than that if your goal is to get married at this point in your life, but three months is unrealistic especially if it's YOU who has to initiate it. Things are good enjoy! Out of curiosity how long did your parents date before they married?
Author redant Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I will get back with you. Good Q.
Tomcat33 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I really really want this to work out for you.
Author redant Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 omg thanks! haha I appreciate the support!!
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