TheVerveHistory Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I'll try to keep it short... I went out with a girl for 7 months. Those months were perfect, we had the occasional argument but nothing truly serious and we always resolved it, it was always something trivial and truthfully out the time we dated I can count 3 "arguments"... as it stands, we both fell deeply in love. She asked me if I loved her and if I wanted to, not right at the moment, but one day move out with her if we were still together a year later... On a friday last week, I went to her house just to chat/hang out, and out of the blue she tells me she's not ready for a relationship, that she hasen't been fair or nice to me because of our small arguments, that she needs time to figure out things on her own etc. and ended it right there. I was devastated. The night before, the thursday, we hung out, and everything was great, we were just, well, like we always are... happy, all over each other, talking stupid celebrity gossip, etc. I know I shouldn't have but I called a few days later. We talked for a good hour or so. We joked around about the break up, even laughing at it... we toyed with the idea of getting back together. She said she still loves and cares about me, still considers me her best friend, feels the relationship is worth another shot and felt absolutely horrible for what happened the few days before... she kept saying "I wish I did this instead of talking to you that day!" Plus I've never heard a girl apologize so much in my life. But as it stands, she says she needs time to figuring herself out. I told her I'll give her her space and she said in a couple of weeks she'd call back to see where "we're" at... I haven't contacted her at all (no txt, calls, facebook, emails, etc.) for a week now, and I'm wondering if it's worth it. She did specifically tell me it's perfectly okay to call her/e-mail her just to see what's up. I do love/care for her but I do not want to wait around forever and be hurt again... I understand she's probably confused at the moment but still... I truly care about her and want the best for both of us but this whole thing, which came like a left hook to my face, is just tearing me up inside. Just one thing I do want to emphasize... she is not a bad person, not the manipulative/playing games type and definitely not a drama queen.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 So you're in a lot of pain (obviously considering you're here) yet you laughed and joked about the breakup? That's called fronting. I have trouble tolerating the idiocy of this. She told you though to contact her to see whatsup. She didn't say contact her and reconcile the relationship. You hit the friend zone. Time to move on, you will never get out of that zone.
Geishawhelk Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 She said she'd contact you in a couple of weeks. One week down.... Be reliable and true to your word and respect her space. Then, maybe, if you can hold out just a couple more days, give her that leeway. BUT: If you get no contact after these next (9) days - then call her and just say - "hey - wanna grab a bite to eat?" And see what happens...... 'Course, she could contact you before then.......
Geishawhelk Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 That's it. Tom and I need counselling. We disagree....... :eek: Seriously, TheVerve, only you will know which of these two views resonates with you best. But be honest with yourself.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Lol geisha, great minds think alike but they also think independently sometimes as well. Your mind is greater than mine though, so I may have to advise the topic creator to listen to you above me. ...but once a couple breaks up, they have a 99% chance of never being successful long term. Save yourself the trouble...
Frankasy Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Yeah as much as you try to remain positive about this, I'm pretty sure that this is her way of breaking up with you. If she wanted to know where you two were at, I'm pretty sure that she should've asked you too. In other words you should've talked about it together because just look at it this way, what are you gonna tell your friends during this period of pause? You gonna tell them that you're gf is considering whether you two should be together or not? She may seem like the world to you but believe me, even if you can't picture her as a bad person, she'll turn like that, eventually or right away so even if those what you said about her are true, they'll probably have no value. Hasn't it looked a bit fishy to you? I mean she needs time to think about you two so what's she gonna do, lock up in her apartment all day and just think? Those things are done by both partners, not just one. Plus why does she need a few weeks before she'll give you an answer. It looks as if she's gonna take care of the world's problems instead of you two. Completely unnessesary if you see what I'm trying to see. Even if she's told you to call her, email her etc, she can very easily not pick up the phone, block you from MSN/AIM, delete you from Facebook, ignore your emails, completely end all contact with you. I'd be careful if I was you. Take this into your own hands. If she has any doubt, go through it together, not alone.
Author TheVerveHistory Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Thanks, I appreciate the advice. For Tom, I guess it is fronting... please bear in mind when I called her I was past the inital shock and dismay of the break up, so I had a bit of a more "clear" mind when I was talking to her, which is why we could joke about it. Thanks again... mucho appreciated.
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