sjguy34 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 ok so 1st post, been lurking for a few days , so Hello everyone! Anyway Ive been with a woman for 2 yrs now, at the first things were absolutly phenominal, like teen agers, texting alot missing the other all the time the kind of thing where everyone envies u and jokes about it. so yeah we both jumped in with both feet. eventualy she got stressed about work/life ect, being kind of alien to me as I seem to have a totaly stress free life, I took it personal, didnt realize it at the time but do now. I always figured i could help her make her feel better but the harder I pushed the farther we became from each other, it went from her running her hand across my back when she walked by me/making eye contact and a million other "little" things that show a person is thinking about u to us sitting at opposit ends of the couch to watch tv and not talking . the farther it went the more i pushed untill i knew what i was doing and it had gone too far. love was never a problem for us, even when things were distant, even for her. we let our selves go and went from being considered an attractive couple by alot of people to being realy unhealthy in our eating habits and our apearances. gradualy every little thing the other person did annoyed the other all the while wondering why is this going the way it is, we both have huge hearts/considerate/suportive both realy complete people, we never battled it out did or said mean things(well maybe a few snide remarks) but neither one of us knew why things were going the way they did, just seemed to snowball beyond control. so we split up, was a clean break, no fighting just we had given up. well weve been apart for 3 weeks and both of us have taken a long hard look at things and arnt ready to give up. Ive realized alot of things in the past 3 weeks(we never spent any time apart) and so has she. b4 i thought shes changed unafectionate unemotional, now i can c how i contributed and it wasnt all her. like i said love was never a problem, neither had any thoughts of others, to me she is beautiful(her nick name) and to her Im everything a woman could want, faithful, devoted, suportive a great father(we have no children together but i have shared custody of my 7yo and she has custody of her 5yo, the boys are best friends) she wants to go on a date, we havnt in 6 months. a restart without the label and stress but like we just met and instead of loving each other, fall in love again. she wants no labels(new start, fresh start, whatever but exclusive to each other of course) she also thinks I read too much into things always analyzing, and should go with the flow, I agree .I love her, she loves me but we arnt in love, we want to get back together but it not to be the same, I miss her and she misses me. we both feel less stressed and healthy in the last 3 weeks and dont want to lose that. what I dont understand is, as much as i want to be with her, I dont want to get into the same bad habits we used to have but I dont understand the whole start dating thing, im thinking maybe shes unsure or as scared as I am. my first thought was jump back in knowing what we know and make it work but I am def open to her idea just not sure how 2 people with a history start dating again? how do 2 people go backwards? we both are in agreement love was never an issue we just pushed each other away , and it snowballed, she knows im sensitive, I know she cant be "steered" she has never been closed minded but she is not a person that u can get out of a "mood" she comes out of it on her "own", me if im in a mood i dont confront I hold a "grudge" for a bit . that maybe the wrong word but u get the idea, so anytips or ideas? how 2 people that love each other can go backwards? Im hoping this all makes sence as im sure everyone knows how busy the mind is at times like this lol any advice greatly apreciated
Author sjguy34 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 one more "small" detail the ironic thing is I have been exactly where she is at so I totaly understand, about 6 months into the realionship I was stressed and she pushed , trying to help, wanting afection but it just pushed me away to the point i was annoyed by her and that pushed me further until I realized one day hey shes upset because she loves me, shes just trying to help somone she loves and cares about, so i can totaly understand where she is at and like wise for her, ironic eh" Im thinking things started off so amazing that once somthing small happened it seemd realy bad and we both blew outa proportion. I know we both have things to learn but im thinking armed with the knowledge and understanding we have now, maybe we can work it out and learn from our mistakes
Hobineros Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 First thing dude, wow! long read, good thing im at work, lol. Second thing, i dont think you are ready after 3 weeks of forum trolling to try and figure out what went wrong. You should probably aim for another 3 weeks of doing your own thinking. It took me over 8 months to finally have the courage to face my ex. I even fell out of love and back into it with her after and during that time. And I think things are great between us now. My advice for you, is dont change yourself, just because she doesnt like that part of you. That is bull$h!t. Nobody is worth changing for, especially a girl. Be yourself, its what attracted her in the first place. What happned is that you both changed, and liek you said, turned into slobs or w.e. That is not attractive, and which is what sours many relationships, people start taking for granted the other person. Always work to keep it fresh. Like my duggie! Anyhow, it seems like you are on a good route to mending things, just keep it slow paced, and be patient. I know you probably want to jump right back into feeling at home with her, etc. But that is not in your best interests. Starting over with an ex is exactly that. A new beginning. You are strangers and you have to proove that you are the man of her dreams again, just this time you are much wiser, because you know what she like/dislike. Use that knowledge to your advantage, and make sure to be yourself. **EDIT*** I forgot to put in about the pushing part. That is where your opinions and personalities clash. ALways happens, you just have to be strong enough and willing to meet in the middle. Its called a relationship not a dictatorship for a reason. People always clash, just dont make it a reason to end the day on a bad note. That is all I can think of...
Author sjguy34 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 thxs man and great advice, as for the long read well I wanted to give enough background info, but one thing for me to clarify is the forum trolling has only been a few days like u said, but the clarifying Ive done myself has been at work for awhile, the forums are just putting it into words. the "date" sugestion was her idea and after 3 weeks of very little contact, a few emails and one phone call at the most. the actual finalizing of things was my idea(i ended it) not proud of it, but it seemed the only route what I wanted to do was just for us to back off some and look at the situation but panicked . she knew i never wanted to end it, but also thought afterward it was a good call so we had some time to think. maybe a little info will change ur opinion, maybe not but like u said taking it slow is the best route for both of us, just not sure how u do it, going backwards i mean. thats what we did made the clash a reason to end the day on a bad note.
Author sjguy34 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 i apologize, my puncuation sucks as well, and alot of run-ons too lol but im not much of a writer
Hobineros Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I dont understand quite where you are coming from. Is she givin you the BS about being friends? Or are you asking advice on how to behave around her on this "date" so that she will be interested again?
Author sjguy34 Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 i dont think its a bs deal about being friends, her words were, i want us to go on a few dates, i said... u mean like a fresh start becuase that would be good for us, she siad no labels 0 stress just its been a long time since we went on some "dates" , and to move slow instead of jumping back into our old habits, she also stated that she didnt c us ever being just friends (which as much as i think shes a beautiful person , i understand) so I know its not the "friends" speach, just wondering how a couple goes backwards to dating and taking it slow, when we used to see each other every day and talk a few times per day.
Recommended Posts