birdie Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 not to be confused with 'fear of commitment'. I know this post is going to come across a bit clinical but I am trying to be as objective as possible. I would like to hear about your experiences, I am not after advice. So, some of the symptoms (in my experience) of fear of intimacy: 1. Restircting communication to ensure control: - stonewalling: ranging from denial of negative emotions (Q: "what's the problem, why are you upset?" A: "I'm not upset!") to going quiet for days on end and hoping to brush the issue under the carpet by stating "I'm not upset I just don't know what to say." - when communication is not activity related (ie it is not about organising a day out), it is restricted both by its means (no calls, only SMS and email) and frequency. 2. Inability to state needs even when directly asked, clamming up or using conflicting statements that in the same conversation just make no sense 3. Very social but conscious of attachement therefore always pulls back after a while 4. Continuous concern with power in the relationship. 5. Background is of high-conflict parents, adult child of divorce. Have you ever dated anyone seriously that had fear of intimacy? Did you maybe marry that person? What is it like to be with someone like that long term? Does it get easier or (what I suspect is the case) is it a continuous battle with few rewards here and there?
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