Sunshine777 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 When there is a breakup, do guys talk to their guy friends about the break up? Do they give specifics of what happened or do they talk in general terms? Do they get emotional with their friends when talking about an ex or do they hold back their feelings? I'm a woman, just wondering how guys deal with the breakup. Thanks for your reply.
JamesM Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 "Hey, broke up with Amy this past weekend." "Really?" "Yeah, me and her weren't getting along." "Good thing she's gone. She weren't good for you." "Yeah, found that out the hard way." "Better now than later. Have another beer." Is that enough detail?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Lol @ the above poster. Awesome. But yes I discuss in detail it with all my friends. They all know my story. Hell, even my new girlfriend knows the details (LMAO). It's ok though, I moved on because I let go. (It's been about 3 months, decided a new relationship was ok)
CaliGuy Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Sometimes but not in the deep, philosophical way women do. James pretty much hit it on the head. lol
curiousnycgirl Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 "Good thing she's gone. She weren't good for you." So how does that conversation go if the friend says - Whoa are you an idiot? She was amazing!
fral945 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 So how does that conversation go if the friend says - Whoa are you an idiot? She was amazing! My response: "Then you can have her. So did you see that game last night?"
JamesM Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 My response: "Then you can have her. So did you see that game last night?" LOL Or..."Dude, have you LIVED with her!? Now where is that beer?"
carhill Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Welcome, OP. The above commentary is typical, based on a lifetime of listening to men. Some, when true trust is established, are more open. I know my best male friends have been, to me anyway. The stereotype is men who are emotional or who share their emotions openly are considered weak and at a competitive disadvantage, both by other men and also by women. Think about your life experience with men and see the truth in that statement. Rather than fight that uphill battle, most men, myself included, shut up and internalize the emotions, which leak out during drinking binges Seriously, I can tell you the expressions of grief and despair and uncertainty I exhibited while caring for my mother likely destroyed my wife's confidence in me and hence our marriage. I picked the wrong woman to face that kind of life event with; no reflection on her. Be mindful of such dynamics when picking a mate (in your case a man). Emotional style compatibility is very important.
Frankasy Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Yeah, in fact almost every sort of discussion I have, I do them with my male friends. Don't feel comfortable talking to women about all sorts of stuff. Yeah of course I talk to them about breakups too. I don't get emotional or anything. In fact it's good to talk to them cause I get to look at the whole situation from a different point of view which sometimes helps me see or figure out something I didn't realize before or see where mistakes were made. I don't see what the problem is.
IcemanJB Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Yes, I discuss in pretty good detail the breakup. There's only 2 of my friends I do that with - but I didn't get all emotional with them (I mean obviously I was sad, but not like crying). The only person I almost lost it in front of was my sister. She's good friends with my ex, and the things she was telling me about how the ex was acting afterwards just confused the hell out of me...anyways, the others I just say "Yeah, X and I broke up on Thursday." and leave it at that. Either way, it usually ends up with "That sucks. You going to the bars with us tonight?"
GoneButNotForgotten Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 It's different for each group of friends. The conversation for my friends goes like this. Me: GF dumped me today. Friend: Damn dude, that sucks ya'll were good together. But that **** happens. When do we get to go to the strip club? Me: Uhh about a week should be good. Friend: Sounds good to me
Kage111 Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I poured my heart out to a few of my guy friends. Probably scared them a little. I mean, I didn't cry, but I was very visibly sad and mopey. They gave surprisingly good advice, which of course, I rarely followed. Just like on here! Haha...
JamesM Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 Even though I posted the scenario above, when I broke up with my wife briefly, I did talk with a couple of guys and the conversation was more intelligent than above. One was an older man who was more of a father figure. He was the one who helped me the most with advice and support. (He died a couple of years later). But even then, the emotional details were kept at a minimum. Guys are expected to deal with such events with action and not talk. Constant talking about a breakup would indicate that no action is being taken. Guys want to see things fixed, so when giving advice it will include ways to solve the issues...not simply listen and nod. This is why many men have a hard time listening to women. Women just want them to listen and understand, while men want to offer solutions and make the problem go away.
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