goodguy85 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 So after months of being ignored and no contact from a girl that claimed was "in love" with me, I ran into her on the bus on my way back from work. When she saw me she turned around as if she didnt see me. I approached and called her name very cheerfully and said its good to see you. She didn't say anything and turned her back to me. Not to cause any further public embarassment to myself, I waited to get off the bus. I saw her and confronted her and asked whats wrong with her, and she started literally "running" away. Who does that? I didnt chase after because I would have looked like an attacker, but I was just left there stunned. I understand why she couldn't be with me (committed to her boyfriend) but to run away like that is perplexing and embarassing. I don't ever plan on contacting her ever again, even if I ever run into her, but can someone tell me what happened?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 She was committed to her boyfriend? So you were cheating with her? Or you mean she's committed now? Clarify But either way, that's psychotic behavior. (But none the less, hilarious).
Author goodguy85 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I've been friends with this girl for 6 months and she has a boyfriend. She moved from the east coast out here in the West to be with him for his new job. She didn't want to be with him, but didn't know how to end it because they live together. He is her first boyfriend. She is very shy. He is very controlling and is busy working at a hedge fund and doesnt spend time at home wih her. Tells her what to eat and how she should dress. She told him that she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore and he begged her that he's changed. Our friendship morphed into a relationship and we realized that we were great for each other because we love each other's imperfections. Even though I wanted to, I never forced her to break up because that needed to be her decision. She also told me that she loved me very much. Two months ago, I told her I couldn't keep seeing her for only 1hr every week because I wanted to be with her all the time. She cried and said her heart wanted to be with me but she didn'tknow why she couldn't leave this guy. Since that day she hasn't responded to any of my friendly calls to see how she is doing. I also emailed her a letter stating that I didn't think I would lose her as a friend .
lovingalways Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I've been friends with this girl for 6 months and she has a boyfriend. She moved from the east coast out here in the West to be with him for his new job. She didn't want to be with him, but didn't know how to end it because they live together. He is her first boyfriend. She is very shy. He is very controlling and is busy working at a hedge fund and doesnt spend time at home wih her. Tells her what to eat and how she should dress. She told him that she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore and he begged her that he's changed. Our friendship morphed into a relationship and we realized that we were great for each other because we love each other's imperfections. Even though I wanted to, I never forced her to break up because that needed to be her decision. She also told me that she loved me very much. Two months ago, I told her I couldn't keep seeing her for only 1hr every week because I wanted to be with her all the time. She cried and said her heart wanted to be with me but she didn'tknow why she couldn't leave this guy. Since that day she hasn't responded to any of my friendly calls to see how she is doing. I also emailed her a letter stating that I didn't think I would lose her as a friend . Maybe her boyfriend found out about you and said something. I don't know why someone would behave like that in another situation. He seems controlling (that's why this might be why she is trying to avoid you).
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Sounds beyond controlling. Narcissistic perhaps? But good God, he works at a hedge fund? Is he rich? Because that's probably why she can't leave him.
Author goodguy85 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I can respect the fact that she couldn't be with me, and her guy knew that she had feelings for me. It was painful to let her go, but I moved on. But to "run" away when you see someone, especially in public, it is devastating. It felt like a scene from "the Fugitive".
Author goodguy85 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I noticed DSM IV on your name Tom. Do you have BPD? Is her form of passive aggresive behavior a form of BPD? Do you think she was lying about her status with her boyfriend, and was using me, and lied to me that she loved me? Do people like BPD run away like that?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Do I have BPD? No. Lol. As for if she does... that really depends. Statistically, MANY women have BPD. It's almost as common as brown or blonde hair color, amongst women. But to be sure, I'd have to know the details of this all, and we just don't. I'd have to talk to her to know why she ran away, in order for me to know enough to say whether she has any disorder or not. For all we know, she could've had her families life threatened by her bf, the condition being if she ever talks to you again. We just don't know. But is that normal behavior? I don't need to answer that. Something is wrong. Clearly. As for whether BPD victims do things like that... yes, they do, but that behavior doesn't indicate BPD exclusively. It could represent any number of things, and even a normal person could run away like that given the right circumstances.
Trialbyfire Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I've been friends with this girl for 6 months and she has a boyfriend. She moved from the east coast out here in the West to be with him for his new job. She didn't want to be with him, but didn't know how to end it because they live together. He is her first boyfriend. She is very shy. He is very controlling and is busy working at a hedge fund and doesnt spend time at home wih her. Tells her what to eat and how she should dress. She told him that she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore and he begged her that he's changed. Our friendship morphed into a relationship and we realized that we were great for each other because we love each other's imperfections. Even though I wanted to, I never forced her to break up because that needed to be her decision. She also told me that she loved me very much. Two months ago, I told her I couldn't keep seeing her for only 1hr every week because I wanted to be with her all the time. She cried and said her heart wanted to be with me but she didn'tknow why she couldn't leave this guy. Since that day she hasn't responded to any of my friendly calls to see how she is doing. I also emailed her a letter stating that I didn't think I would lose her as a friend . Your situation isn't so unusual. While she isn't married, she's in an LTR, possibly even a common-law relationship with her b/f, reliant on where you live. Go read the Infidelity and OW/OM forum. This will give you more insight into someone who's an "unhappy victim" in a relationship, finding a way to have her "needs" met externally, while not willing to give up her comfortable lifestyle.
Author goodguy85 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Well grew up in war torn Kosovo and told me that there was a past about her that she was afraid to share because then I wouldn't like her so I don't know if I triggered something to make her run. Again, I'm not stressing the fact that she doesn't want to be me. I am currently seeing someone knew. But at one point I did care about this individual and I would simply like to know what would make a woman "run" from you. I would like to avoid these situations with anyone in the future.
Trialbyfire Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 The best way to avoid relationship drama like this, is to avoid previously committed persons. Relationships are hard enough work as they are, nvm complicating it with a third party.
Author goodguy85 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Hard to do when someone tells you that they are in love with you and want to be with you. I never think twice about pursuing a woman in a relationship (because of Karma), but I thought she wanted to leave him for me. That's y I never forced her to leave him or slept with her, even though I could have. I thought it was different, i guess its the same.
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