D-Jam Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I personally also think though that if she's making that comment to test, knowing he might say something like that, AND she wants to get royally offended and not see him again... ...then to me it says she was LOOKING for a reason to reject him. Like she showed up, Bells was being decent to her, and in her mind she's thinking he's ok, but not "doing it" for her. However, she might also have the conflict in her mind that she hates being single and perhaps might fear tossing away a possible good match, but also worrying that she might be "settling". The mentality of "Oh wow he's such a sweet guy and I so should try to build a RL with him. He probably would treat me well...but he's just not setting my panties ablaze. I know I should be happy someone's respecting me, but I can't see him as the one for me. I hate rejecting a possible decent guy though." Therefore, I think sometimes women who do this are looking for a legit reason in their mindset to reject. Now she can say in her mindset "He's a pervert and just wants to sleep with me. I'm so done with this guy! HOME TO THE HAGAN DAAS!" Seen this happen in my own dating experiences and even from talking to female friends. Seen them try to find a reason to reject simply because they're not into the guy, but yet they believe they should be into him because the guy might be a good man to her.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 "He's a pervert and just wants to sleep with me. I'm so done with this guy! HOME TO THE HAGAN DAAS!" :lmao: 1
Trialbyfire Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 VS sells other types of clothing and sundries, besides lingerie. I agree that mentioning it, is a flirt, unless you're talking to a friend of either gender. Then it's like talking about shopping at BCBGs. No big deal. If a girl mentions it on a first date, I don't see anything wrong with a flirtatious comment back, as long as you don't go too far. Don't get graphic or push it.
serial muse Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I personally also think though that if she's making that comment to test, knowing he might say something like that, AND she wants to get royally offended and not see him again... ...then to me it says she was LOOKING for a reason to reject him. Like she showed up, Bells was being decent to her, and in her mind she's thinking he's ok, but not "doing it" for her. However, she might also have the conflict in her mind that she hates being single and perhaps might fear tossing away a possible good match, but also worrying that she might be "settling". The mentality of "Oh wow he's such a sweet guy and I so should try to build a RL with him. He probably would treat me well...but he's just not setting my panties ablaze. I know I should be happy someone's respecting me, but I can't see him as the one for me. I hate rejecting a possible decent guy though." Therefore, I think sometimes women who do this are looking for a legit reason in their mindset to reject. Now she can say in her mindset "He's a pervert and just wants to sleep with me. I'm so done with this guy! HOME TO THE HAGAN DAAS!" Seen this happen in my own dating experiences and even from talking to female friends. Seen them try to find a reason to reject simply because they're not into the guy, but yet they believe they should be into him because the guy might be a good man to her. Wow, but this seems like a lot of exercise and analysis for what probably actually happened. As prettybaby pointed out, Bells has started a lot of threads like this after an unsuccessful date...like "what'd I say? what I say??" Sorry, Bells, it just seems like maybe you do have a bit of an issue with being able to "read the room"...this just seems like one more example of maybe putting your foot in your mouth.
Tomcat33 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Shoot last post was supposed to say this: Really? You going to model them for me tonight?" The key is, what did they respond after you said that? Therefore, I think sometimes women who do this are looking for a legit reason in their mindset to reject. Now she can say in her mindset "He's a pervert and just wants to sleep with me. I'm so done with this guy! Whaaaa? Women offer up some sexual remarks like that so that they can take offense in a guy's reaction? That's insane. Only a mental case would do something like that.
Frankasy Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Um maybe they just said that they went to Victoria's Secret as an occasional topic and not as a flirt code. Ever thought of that?
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I personally also think though that if she's making that comment to test, knowing he might say something like that, AND she wants to get royally offended and not see him again... ...then to me it says she was LOOKING for a reason to reject him. Nope, sorry. Women don't devise a plan to give them reason to reject someone. They just reject. Toss 'em back. D-Jam, you and I both know the problem isn't with the women, but Bells. VS sells other types of clothing and sundries, besides lingerie. Good point, I forgot about that. My local VS has more than half bath-and-body and makeup products, as well as clothing (fitness apparel, bathing suits, lounge-wear).
IrishCarBomb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 These sorts of questions are tough to answer for a number of reasons. Since coming to Loveshack, I've realized that there are so many small things that I just do not give much thought to in dating that others examine in every detail. I personally rely on my gut most of the time for appropriate responses in dating situations. As a result, when I think of myself in the situation (first date having mentioned Victoria's Secret), I just don't know how I'd reply. There is no script to the perfect response. Rather, how I'd respond depends on the totality of the circumstances. There are a zillion things that might influence if I deflect the comment, or if I up the flirtation, etc. I don't know much about Bells, his date(s), and the circumstances surrounding the comment(s). As a result I really cannot offer any specific advice. However, the general principle is imporant, even more so. When things go badly, you have to reflect on why they did. Do you honestly feel that she was inviting you to flirt? Do you think your response made her uncomfortable? What other factors influence the decision? What should you change about your approach and your mentality in future situations? However, it isn't about changing yourself to cater to women, or putting on a false front to get a better response. It's about getting a better understanding of women. I won't claim to ever be able to understand how women think about lots of things, but we become better at forming and maintaining relationships when we can understand the viewpoint of the opposite sex on relationships. So, I've tried my best to understand how women view me, how women view dating, and how my interactions are perceived in that light. As this understanding becomes greater, it just forms into your gut instincts. Your experience is your guide without even much conscious thought. So, in the end I guess my advice is to just take a look at the situation, and think of what you may be able to do differently next time, if anything. However, the experience is worthless if you don't take away anything from it.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Ok...take Bells out of the picture and put another guy in it. That's what I did in my replies. I am not sitting here saying Bells does nothing to bring on some of the rejections he gets...but I am saying that even in my own experiences I've gone through some of this. I've seen it both from the perspective of the guy on the date and even the friend of the girl who went on the date and see many of them go through this heavy debate in their mind, and thus are looking for a reason to reject...mostly because they can't bring themselves to just admit they're not into the guy and they feel guilty about wanting to reject him...mostly because they think their reasons are shallow. It's ok to reject someone, even if its reasons like they don't stir up excitement in you or you wish they were better looking. I could easily jump on the "Bash Bells" bandwagon, but then it serves no purpose then to other posters, like 39388. Why not turn it around into something more educational then to help others? I'm not sitting here totally saying "it's women", but more or less telling to anyone how to handle a situation like that, as well as to some degree how you as a man should judge a situation like that...meaning should you even keep seeing this girl.
Jenny123 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Are the girls you date Strippers? They're line of work? Ha ha!! Not something I would menton in my first date conversation!
Tomcat33 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Not something I would menton in my first date conversation! Was thinking the same thing, most women would not. I mean exactly how much do you need to "entise" a man to have sex with you after a first date? I mean a woman could tell a guy she is wearing granny undies and a tattered wonderbra and that she hasn't waxed in 10 yrs and chances are he will still go for it so.... Something about this just doesn't add up, as a lot of Bells threads tend not to. Sorry Bells but you come up with the weirdest scenarios. Either you have an overactive imagination or you live in some alternate universe where things just happend against the "laws of physics".
mixwell Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 I agree your comments sound kinda crude and typical. A smart response (Something I would say with my random sense of humor) would be like "Did you pickup a sexy pair of granny panties ?" or something in a joking manner..
kashmir Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Yeah Bells, you were a bit crude. I would have said something like, "Wow, that's so strange, because I was just there today too! I got the cutest pair of white undies." Make a joke out of it to show that you're enjoying the conversation with her but that you really don't give a **** about what she did at victoria's secret. Then again, some women don't have a sense of humor about a guy joking about his sexuality or femininity, which sucks.
Isolde Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 It makes MEN think in a sexual way, but many women don't think that way and to them it is just another clothing store. You don't speak for me, JamesM! Many things make me think about sex, unfortunately... I'm one of those rare corrupted women. I wouldn't mention VS to a guy unless I was trying to boldly flirt with him...and I wouldn't mention underwear at all unless I was dating him for a while anyway.
d0ll Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 I think if a girl mentions underwear to a guy it's because she's just teasing him .. I did that once only because I wanted to make him horny
vanilla87 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 ....is it an opener for a flirt? I had a couple of women I went on first dates with, where they mentioned that on the day of our date....they went to Victoria's Secret. And I would make a flirtaceous remark like, "Really? You going to model them for me tonight?" Some might say, even still......it's sleazy, others might think it's a bit of interest on her part because I think she's opening up an opportunity for me to say something flirty at that remark. I think it's the latter? How about you? Well don't say "are you going to model it for me later/tonight?" most women will think your trying to sleep with 'em asap and don't care about 'em too much. You only say that to a woman you've been seeing for awhile and been going on more then 2 dates. You also have to realize if she says that its not invite for sex, just flirting with you, thats all. Maybe ask her what she bought and then lead into maybe asking her if she wanted to show you sometime, but don't ask her to model it for you, because some women are not confident enough to show off their bodies like that and take it literally what your asking. You have to feel it out and see if its okay to say. Go with the vibe of the night and if it doesn't scream sexy, then hold off on the forward thinking comment.
Shygirl15 Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Aww, poor HiItsMe. You know Bells I think you had better luck with women when you were using your old screen name. You may want to reconsider using it again.
Recommended Posts