Bells Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 ....is it an opener for a flirt? I had a couple of women I went on first dates with, where they mentioned that on the day of our date....they went to Victoria's Secret. And I would make a flirtaceous remark like, "Really? You going to model them for me tonight?" Some might say, even still......it's sleazy, others might think it's a bit of interest on her part because I think she's opening up an opportunity for me to say something flirty at that remark. I think it's the latter? How about you?
prettybaby Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Maybe they're testing your reaction. I have a feeling that a sleazy comment would be considered a failure lol What do they say exactly anyway? Do they just randomly say "oh hey, I went to VS today" -blank stare and awkward silence- ? Or is there any kind of context?
Author Bells Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Depends, are they Canadian? LOL...why? Is there a big cultural difference between the USA and Canada that one is more open about where they shop for their underwear? I tried to keep the comment at G rated as possible. I thought about saying, "Oh oh, someone thinks they're gettin' lucky tonight!" But I didn't. So I kept it to a "modeling show" comment. I figured a woman who is openly talking about how they went to Victoria's Secret is just walking into that one. I had another woman suggest we go to the store together if we had the time....this other woman said this to me over the phone...and I go, "aaahhh....Victoria's Secret, eh?" And she kinda laughed. We never did have time to go, we spent most of our time doing other date things. But that's just an example. While we were in line to the movie....she made a second suggestive remark...but subtle....that she was trying to make a decision on what bikini's to wear tot he beach this weekend with her gal pals.....and I figured with the Victoria's Secret comment she made over the phone...and I said, "Oh, having a hard time which thong to wear?" And she gave me this weird look and goes, "Um...No....there's going to be children present, I won't be wearing a thong." (Heck, I've been at a public beach and saw a woman wearing a thong with children present a few times, lol) She said it as if it was a stupid question I asked. She kind of did a 180 there.
prettybaby Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Perhaps you shouldn't really respond to them when they mention that kinda stuff. It will make you seem cooler, and your comments haven't worked so far it seems, so I'd stop the damage right here lol I admit I'd be turned off by all the comments you mentioned, but then again, I wouldn't randomly tell some guy I just started dating that I wanna go to VS with him or that I can't decide what bikini to wear.
blind_otter Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I, too, would be turned off by your remarks. That said, the only time I mention Victoria's Secret is to complain that their bras don't fit well and that I never buy lingerie from that store.
Author Bells Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I admit I'd be turned off by all the comments you mentioned, but then again, I wouldn't randomly tell some guy I just started dating that I wanna go to VS with him or that I can't decide what bikini to wear. And therein lies the contradiction....by saying what she said, (but you wouldn't) is inviting such flirtaceous comments. Actually, I thought it was an indicator of interest. For one, I think that's a sure fire way of winding up in the Friendzone if one doesn't take the opportunity to react to the "Victoria's Secret" comment. I mean, come on, a woman invites a guy to join her shopping at Victoria's Secret.....it should warrant some kind of flirtaceous comment. I say, better to take risk at the opportunity than be in the Friendzone. It's not like we're getting X or even R-rated about it. I think this is where a lot of problems come up when it comes to dating in general, the whole "Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus" kind of thing. A failure to communicate if you will. Actually, with one of the women, my comment didn't chase her off. ;-) We still go out.
JamesM Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 No, it simply means that they are either getting an opinion from you (as in the bikini story) or you brought it up first. But if they brought it up first and they knew you prior to the date, it could be the opinion that they want. While it is possible that some women use this is a flirting line, I doubt that most would. If that is the case, then as a married man, many women have flirted with me....and I highly doubt that to be the case. It makes MEN think in a sexual way, but many women don't think that way and to them it is just another clothing store. Now if she said Fredericks of Hollywood or the adult bookstore....
Author Bells Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 No, it simply means that they are either getting an opinion from you (as in the bikini story) or you brought it up first. But if they brought it up first and they knew you prior to the date, it could be the opinion that they want. While it is possible that some women use this is a flirting line, I doubt that most would. If that is the case, then as a married man, many women have flirted with me....and I highly doubt that to be the case. It makes MEN think in a sexual way, but many women don't think that way and to them it is just another clothing store. Now if she said Fredericks of Hollywood or the adult bookstore.... I thought Fredricks of Hollywood was pretty much similar to Victoria's Secret (never been to the FoH)
JamesM Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I thought Fredricks of Hollywood was pretty much similar to Victoria's Secret (never been to the FoH) No, Fredericks sells "sleazy" lingerie while VS sells "romantic" lingerie. Fredericks will sell the undies with the holes in the "right" places and the Chocolate panties. VS sells the lacy suggestive panties and bras. My wife has shopped at VS many many times...and I with her...or without her. But FoH...we may have walked in once or twice, but the environment is completely different IMO. For some that is good, others not so.
prettybaby Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Your comments weren't flirtatious though. They were kinda dumb and crude. A nice way to twist the whole bikini issue would have been to say: "Don't worry about which one to wear, I'm sure you'd look fabulous in anything". Now THAT would have made her feel great about herself. The only thing you've achieved so far is make them feel like a cheap piece of meat. You have to think about how you want to make those women feel, instead of trying to guess what they may or may not be expecting you to say. Really, don't try too hard. I still think it would be best for you not to say a word in such cases, and simply smile with a sneaky look in your eyes like you're thinking "hmmmm yeah" but without actually stating it. That's way sexier than what you've told those women so far.
serial muse Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Your comments weren't flirtatious though. They were kinda dumb and crude. A nice way to twist the whole bikini issue would have been to say: "Don't worry about which one to wear, I'm sure you'd look fabulous in anything". Now THAT would have made her feel great about herself. The only thing you've achieved so far is make them feel like a cheap piece of meat. You have to think about how you want to make those women feel, instead of trying to guess what they may or may not be expecting you to say. Really, don't try too hard. I still think it would be best for you not to say a word in such cases, and simply smile with a sneaky look in your eyes like you're thinking "hmmmm yeah" but without actually stating it. That's way sexier than what you've told those women so far. Combining this with what James said, I think that's the answer - if she'd mentioned going to Frederick's of Hollywood, I agree that the door would have been open to just go straight for the jugular, as you did. Victoria's Secret, as James said, is more about romantic sex. So you waaaay overplayed your hand - suggestive and subtle might have been fine, but straightforward "so does that mean we're having sex later" is just too crude and ultimately a turnoff.
JamesM Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Your comments weren't flirtatious though. They were kinda dumb and crude. A nice way to twist the whole bikini issue would have been to say: "Don't worry about which one to wear, I'm sure you'd look fabulous in anything". Now THAT would have made her feel great about herself. Well said. And even a MM can say this kind of remark without sounding as if he is trying to make a pass. Returning such comments with compliments will get you much farther than an overt sexual innuendo.
flc Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 If you are invited to go to VS to help her pick out the right thong/panties I would say that is a pretty good sign she might be interested in you.
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I thought Fredricks of Hollywood was pretty much similar to Victoria's Secret (never been to the FoH) Ewww. No. I'm not the biggest fan of VS, but it is RANKS above FOH. They are like apples and oranges. Actually, like apples and pickles. And therein lies the contradiction....by saying what she said, (but you wouldn't) is inviting such flirtaceous comments. Didn't your thread title and OP ask a question? Then let us answer it. If you're convinced of your own opinion - as usual - why ask for our opinions? Your comments weren't flirtatious though. They were kinda dumb and crude./QUOTE] Agreed.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 It doesn't really matter what he said, if he was hot and she'd fancied him he could have come out with any old sleazy garbage and she'd have found it funny.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I'd have said something like "I'm sure you look great in whatever you bought. But, just so you know, I'm not THAT easy." With a smile on my face. By saying that, you're accomplishing a few things. You're complimenting her in a non-sleazy way. You're being funny. You're saying something unexpected, turning the situation on its head (suggesting she's the one trying to get YOU into bed, instead of the other way around). And, smiling while saying it, you're being disarming and opening the door to more banter and repartee.
prettybaby Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 It doesn't really matter what he said, if he was hot and she'd fancied him he could have come out with any old sleazy garbage and she'd have found it funny. If he's truly bad looking, then it DOES matter what he says. Women can and do fall for less attractive guys if they have good verbal and non-verbal skills.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 If he's truly bad looking, then it DOES matter what he says. Women can and do fall for less attractive guys if they have good verbal and non-verbal skills. Then it matters more how he says it than what he says. You're telling him to play it safe and give some "nice" compliment. I think this is the exact opposite of what he should be doing. Plenty of women would have rolled with that line he tossed to her.
prettybaby Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I know plenty who'd be charmed! But like I said, I still think it's best for him to keep his mouth shut and play with looks and smiles without saying a word. I have stopped counting the amount of threads he's posted here in which he mentions a comment he made that backfired right in his face.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I know plenty who'd be charmed! But like I said, I still think it's best for him to keep his mouth shut and play with looks and smiles without saying a word. I have stopped counting the amount of threads he's posted here in which he mentions a comment he made that backfired right in his face. LOL I see your point and its a fair one I just think it's often more about how you say something, for instance if he comes across like dirty mac sleazebag desperado when he says it then it's not going to go down to well, whereas if he comes across as a cheeky chancer then that sort of line hits a different note.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I agree, I think it was a test...more mind games. My way of handling that wouldn't have been a "model for me" comment, but more joke about it. Maybe make a fake gay voice and comment on their long line of moisturizers. That or if you see she's laughing and knows you're joking, make a joke asking if they sell "granny panties" there. DO NOT ASK HER IF SHE BOUGHT THEM. You could even ask something jokingly like "so are you more a silky solid color kind of girl? lace? or are you totally about the animal prints?" Keep it light-hearted. The "model for me" comment or even jokingly asking her if she bought granny panties is only good if she's already your girlfriend or you two have been dating and she knows it's just joking. On a first or second date, it's a test just to see if your mind is more on getting to know her or getting into her pants.
Author Bells Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 LOL I see your point and its a fair one I just think it's often more about how you say something, for instance if he comes across like dirty mac sleazebag desperado when he says it then it's not going to go down to well, whereas if he comes across as a cheeky chancer then that sort of line hits a different note. A cheeky chancer, that's the first time I ever heard a word like that in my life.lol Some might think she was testing me with the Victoria's It's really remarks like this that get women in trouble, this is actually a practice in self-sabatoge. They think they'll "test" a guy with what kind of remark he'll make....if I think it's ungentleman-like, then he's not relationship material. However, I'll say whatever sexual inneundo thing I want, and feel free to judge any guy that makes a sexual innuendo back at me. Thing is....once these women "reel back" at the comment at I make...and I realize this, I change the subject, and that's gentleman-like itself even. Some guys would push it, I would just drop it. After all, I'm sure some women believe in second chances, and it was just a "chance" thing...a fluke if you will.
Star Gazer Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I have stopped counting the amount of threads he's posted here in which he mentions a comment he made that backfired right in his face. We're well above 100.
Tomcat33 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 "Really? You going to model them for me tonight?"[/b] The key is, what did they respond after you said that?
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