purpledevil Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Ok, I'm hoping there are some wise people who can help me with the following I have been out with a girl 3 times, and for a few weeks now have been steadily texting and IM'ing. The last time we went out, it was her and I, and a bunch of other couples (her friends and their guys). I had invited her over to my house the week the group outing where I planned to cook dinner for her and let her pick a movie to watch. But she cancelled saying she was sick and invited me out with her friends, I believe that to be genuine. Anyway, on the outing with friends, I believe she was flirting a little, she had her feet up on me, and I was carressing her leg. We held hands 3 times and in the car ride home I put my arm around her as she was dozing and carressed her shoulder. Yes I love to carress Basically, since this date, she has been pretty scarce and busy, but not cold or anything, just a bit more unavailable than usual, just feels like we arent talking as much as we were which is fine because she has her own life and i may be overanalyzing. A few chain texts and a few IMs etc. Basically she said that everyone really liked me on the last outing, and I asked if she did, and she said of course she did, and I called her cute or something anyway thats that. Anyway just tonight I confirmed that we were having another group outing tomorrow night, after we stopped IM'ing i said cya then /hug and she said xoxo, just like she used to before. Now I really don't want to get dumped into the friend zone here, does it look like its heading to more, I really think it is. This will be our 4th outing/date. Should I tell her my feelings tomorrow night if I get her alone or go in for a kiss, tell her that I really like her or something else, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I keep thinking that I'm just being silly, but I'll let you guys decide, it could just be that its all going normal, we are just both shy and slowly getting more comfortable etc.
prettybaby Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Don't say it, show it. A kiss would be nice
Author purpledevil Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Any first kiss advice, especially because its a group outing, get her alone, should i say something enticing or touch her back, neck or play with her hair while I move in for the kill hehe? Maybe ramp up the flirting a bit from the start of the night and try to lead to a kiss
likestolaugh Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 let us know how it goes. I for one am in a similar situation and am curious to know what happens on your end. Anyway, yeah a kiss is a good idea, imo. But of course it really depends on the girl. Maybe a bit of a deeper talk might be good at some point, but is difficult in a group situation. It would be best if it was just you 2 out together. Why not try to arrange that sooner rather than later?
prettybaby Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Yeah, the whole group outing isn't exactly gonna make it easy. Unless you get to drive her home or something.
Author purpledevil Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Yeah I will try to organise another outing based on how I feel tonight. She is quite busy, has her own parties to go to, hasn't been easy to contact lately, I don't want to overdo the contact. She is going to QLD next weekend for a friend's birthday, so I will need to make it during the day or a weekday, after a full day of work for her, or wait a fortnight. Its tough I'm just going to go with the flow tonight and see what happens.
rod_in_gtown Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Try to get her away from the group, I would ask her "want to walk with me?" or "want to get some fresh air?" be honest, don't lie and don't pretend you're going somewhere you're not intending to go. Don't make a big deal out of it, just be casual. When you get her a lone walking or outside feel out her mood, if it's cold put your arm around her shoulders, or rub them gently to warm them up. Wait for a pause in the conversation and just move up to her, don't startle her and wait for her reaction. Whatever you do, be gentle, could be a hold of the hand, of a slight brush of her hair, or a small peck on her cheek, this will give you an idea of where she stands, if she doesn't recoil or move away, then close in for the kiss. The key here is to initiate the move and let her decide. It shows her that you are confident enough to make your move and respectful enough to let her decide what she wants to do. From what you describe from your previous outings, I think she will respond favorably. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
rod_in_gtown Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Also, how you present yourself makes a difference, stand up straight, when you're moving in for the kiss plant yourself on both feet and center your body weight, this will improve your presence and confidence.
Green Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 obviousely you can't have the first kiss infornt of her friends... so just get her alone by asking her out side or something... at a minimum you must kiss her before you say goodbye tonight... no advice other then make sure you do it... being unconfident and scared to kiss could get you dumped
Author purpledevil Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Thanks for the advice, I can feel the butterflies starting already in anticipation, I will try to get her alone, I'm just going to confirm we're still where we were at last week before I make any moves. I'll flirt while we are with her friends, probably play with her hand, when I greet her I will rub the small of her back when I give her a hug and kiss (on the cheek, might even make this a 2-3 second one ), and might play with her hair a little. If all goes well I'll separate her. Nothing to lose, everything to gain really, just gotta keep thinking that. What if she recieves my flirting well, no recoiling etc but she won't break away from the group. I wouldn't want to push too hard would I? We are having cocktails and drinks, so hopefully we will both loosen up a bit too, I'm quite a cool and happy drinker, and the real me will show more I'll let you know how it goes.
Green Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Thanks for the advice, I can feel the butterflies starting already in anticipation, I will try to get her alone, I'm just going to confirm we're still where we were at last week before I make any moves. I'll flirt while we are with her friends, probably play with her hand, when I greet her I will rub the small of her back when I give her a hug and kiss (on the cheek, might even make this a 2-3 second one ), and might play with her hair a little. If all goes well I'll separate her. Nothing to lose, everything to gain really, just gotta keep thinking that. What if she recieves my flirting well, no recoiling etc but she won't break away from the group. I wouldn't want to push too hard would I? We are having cocktails and drinks, so hopefully we will both loosen up a bit too, I'm quite a cool and happy drinker, and the real me will show more I'll let you know how it goes. just kiss her no matter what before you say good bye... if you havn't been brave enough to kiss her the entire night then when your saying goodbye get the kiss... even if her friends are around at that point.
Yamaha Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Don't tell her how you feel until you no for sure she feels the same way. Telling a girl how you feel to soon ( and 4 dates is to soon ) gives her the upper hand and takes the mystery out of dating. Just be yourself and do go in for the kiss if you want to move the relationship toward an intimate level.
Author purpledevil Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 just kiss her no matter what before you say good bye... if you havn't been brave enough to kiss her the entire night then when your saying goodbye get the kiss... even if her friends are around at that point. I'm not sure I would want to do it in front of her friends, if shes not ready or wants to but shes uncomfortable it would be too awkward, for myself and her. I will try to get her alone and go in for the kiss tonight though as long as she recieves my flirting well. I do want to advance this to a more intimate relationship, she has already told me that she likes me via text and I her, sort of just came out. It is still early days, but I know I like her and want to get to know her more intimately and otherwise, thats what its all about.
Green Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I'm not sure I would want to do it in front of her friends, if shes not ready or wants to but shes uncomfortable it would be too awkward, for myself and her. I will try to get her alone and go in for the kiss tonight though as long as she recieves my flirting well. I do want to advance this to a more intimate relationship, she has already told me that she likes me via text and I her, sort of just came out. It is still early days, but I know I like her and want to get to know her more intimately and otherwise, thats what its all about. heres the thing I don't think you understand, being confident and kissing the girl is the most important thing you can do to get her to like you. She might be alot happier and kinder with you after you've given her a good kiss if you get my drift... so make sure you find some way to do it tonight. If you come back here and claim there was no opportunity to kiss her what so ever the only person you are fooling is yourself... just the fact that she keeps spending time with you like this means she likes you... don't screw it up by not kissing her
Author purpledevil Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Argh! The pressure! I will most certainly push myself to do it tonight. Just going to stay positive, whatever the outcome, it doesn't matter in the long run. Be the man! Any other advice is welcome.
movingonandon Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I don't think you're close to the friend zone yet (based on number of dates alone), but, group outings at this point are a Really Bad Idea - waste of time as far as getting with her is concerned. definitely go out with her alone, and your original plan to cook a dinner and watch a movie at home is foolproof --> works 100% of the time, (assuming that she likes you).
Author purpledevil Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 Ok, so, the night is over. Heres the rundown... It ended up being a few couples and two friends of hers there, my friend came with me also. The whole night I didn't feel like she was into me very much, she would talk to her friends and not make an effort to talk to me. When she came in she was with her friends and knew I was there but had her back to me, I greeted her with a hug and kiss on the cheek, after which she turned back to her friends. When I did get her to sit next to me, she would stay for a bit and then move away to her friends again. I guess this is fine, but if she was interested I don't know, I think I should have felt it a bit more from her, but thats my opinion. Things I did do, bought her a few drinks, fixed her hair up when it got messed up abit, got her to go on a walk with me, told her she looked nice, I held her hand and told her that I liked her, she said "thanks" haha. (I should throw in that I tried to explain I'm not the best around so many new people, hence being a bit quiet). When I was sitting next to her I put my arm around her and stroked her back a little. Most of the night I was pretty uncomfortable because of the vibes I was feeling from her, but I did my best. My uncomfortable feelings result in me being quiet, and living in my head a bit too much. Anyway, unfortunately no kiss, but she didn't reject anything that I did do. I don't particularly want to go out with them as a group again, if anything I want to get her one on one. But I don't think I should contact her at this point, I should wait to see if she initiates contact with me, if there is still interest. And to that only time will tell. Oh and after I did tell her that I liked her, my friend said I should have gone in for a kiss, but like I said I just wasn't feeling it from her. If I tell her that I like her and she says thanks well... great, its not a compliment >: | Any further feedback or advice is welcome PS. Its funny you mention the dinner and movie plan, if only she didn't get sick I could be at a different point right now.
redant Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 This kind of reminds me of going out with this one guy. He may have not tried to kiss me because I once told him I wanted to be friends only and didn't feel any attraction. We got along really good though and continued to go out. I wasn't sure about him, but I would have kissed him, but he did not try! Sometimes I only know if I like someone after a good strong kiss! I wonder if he would have tried if I would feel more attracted. So if she DOES continue to want to see you please do kiss her goodnight.
likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 don't wait for her to contact you. I say try one last time... but YOU contact her... and make SURE it's a date.. just the TWO of you.
Author purpledevil Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 The last two outings have been with her and her friends, she hasn't been the one to send me the details or confirm the plans ahead of the night, I've had to chase up both times. I'm really not sure that I want to keep chasing regardless of if I like her or not. I think that if she still has interest she should make an effort? But then this is a double edged sword. What if she is waiting to hear from me again, because everytime we've gone out I've said I had a good time the next day via text. If she doesn't get this, I'm breaking the pattern it could make her think I'm not interested, even though I clearly am and everything I've done shows this. I feel I should be a bit of a challenge, telling her im not going to continue screwing around like this, if she likes me step up a bit? Last night's weird vibes have afflicted me.
likestolaugh Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 people can be totally different people around their friends. It may not mean anything...
Charles1978 Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Yes! Get her alone... the sooner the better. You are teetering on the edge of the friend zone. Drastic avoidance measures are required! If she is going out with a group, don't go. Ask her out, or somebody else will. I found myself... at least I thought... in the friend zone fairly recently. So I just withdrew totally from the situation. She ended up contacting me, saying she missed me. I met her, she asked me what was wrong, and I told her. Long story short, I escaped it. But Don't let this happen to you. Her next couple meetings with you will probably forever categorize you in her mind. You have to find a way to hang out alone, and make a move. All easier said than done, but you can do it.
alphamale Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Anyway just tonight I confirmed that we were having another group outing tomorrow night, ... "group outings" are not dates
Author purpledevil Posted January 17, 2009 Author Posted January 17, 2009 Maybe it isn't a date in the traditional sense, one on one romantic etc. But the 2nd last outing was her and I, and a bunch of other couples, I'd interpret that as being there "together" adding in the flirting and such. Last night her friends were there, so maybe she does just act different in front of her friends, who knows. She was different last night in relation to me, than she was all other outings. I am contemplating sending her a message but then again I really don't see the upside because I would be chasing AGAIN. If she contacts me I will be happy, and will try to schedule a one on one date but until she reaches out I think I need to sit back personally. What to do...
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