xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Basically my emotions are bouncing from euphoria to downright self- guilt and shame and back to euphoria again. When I pressed the SEND button for the email, my mind was racing at 200 mph and my heart pounded in my chest like Jack Nickelson with an axe in " The Shining". I told myself I was doing the right thing but the whole time I was in doubt at whether any of my actions were right at all. Of course, I had to sent the email. I was writing to tell his gf he cheated on her. Was it even wrong of me to tell her that she's with someone that had cheated on her two days after he left from visiting her? Yes, I'm the other woman. It's weird, I never expected myself be put in such a position. I always thought I was raised on logic and reason and could tell my way from black and white. How was it I ended up being the other girl in the relationship of my ex boyfriend? I realized my situation was complicated the day I got back in contact with him. We always had a rocky relationship, especially now that he was with someone new. There were plenty of harmless flirtations but it shouldn't have ended up in his bed, least of all with him inside of me. I was thinking to myself, if I asked him to leave her for me would he do it? Honestly, he said no. Then why have sex with me? Why start kissing me and hugging me behind your gf's back. I really thought I could overlook what happened; passion got in the way. Not when it happens more than once in the span of a week. I'm frustrated, with myself, with him. Should I have had let him gotten away with it? I couldn't live with myself if I had. I had given him more than once to come clean with things, he wouldn't do it. I told him if he still loved him, he should be with me. Ultimatums are never good, especially for the person putting it forward. So I did the right thing right? I really am tired of expecting anything from him, I have never felt so used. In a way this is my little revenge on the way he treated me. I feel... hollow.
MindoverMatter Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 What did you want to gain from it? Do you think he will leave her now? That, I am afraid, won't happen now. He is a cake-eater, and you just spoiled the icing. While affairs are never good, they are especially icky when people are not even married. You are not bound to a girlfriend or boyfriend in any way so if you go get another special person on the side, it is only about you and not one ounce about the feelings of the other people in your life. He is not a good person, and if he does continue seeing you after this, he will do it to you as well. If it was only about revenge, well yeah. You have not hurt him much, I am afraid. His feelings for her could not have been that deep to begin with, or else he wouldn't have done it. He will be more angry than hurt, I guess. Having said that.. To me, it is always a good thing to tell the betrayed party. She has a right to know and she has a right to move on. However, don't expect to be thanked. You may have done the right thing for the wrong reasons. Now it's time to focus on yourself and why you got into this mess to begin with.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 What did you want to gain from it? Do you think he will leave her now? That, I am afraid, won't happen now. He is a cake-eater, and you just spoiled the icing. While affairs are never good, they are especially icky when people are not even married. You are not bound to a girlfriend or boyfriend in any way so if you go get another special person on the side, it is only about you and not one ounce about the feelings of the other people in your life. He is not a good person, and if he does continue seeing you after this, he will do it to you as well. If it was only about revenge, well yeah. You have not hurt him much, I am afraid. His feelings for her could not have been that deep to begin with, or else he wouldn't have done it. He will be more angry than hurt, I guess. Having said that.. To me, it is always a good thing to tell the betrayed party. She has a right to know and she has a right to move on. However, don't expect to be thanked. You may have done the right thing for the wrong reasons. Now it's time to focus on yourself and why you got into this mess to begin with. If his feelings for her aren't that deep to begin with, why does he refuse to leave her everytime I ask? They've only been together for two months, but he had been emotionally and physically cheating on her for that time. Honestly I really don't know how I got into this mess. And it's already too messy to come out unharmed. Now that I truly realized the kind of person he is, I wonder if he had cheated on me when we were together. Yes, he is selfish, and I am foolish to fall for his charms and tricks.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 As for what I hope to gain from this, I don't really know. Do I want to break them up? Secretly, my mind is screaming, " You're doing the right thing, give him a taste of his own medicine." Then I would ask myself is this what I really want.
MindoverMatter Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 If his feelings for her aren't that deep to begin with, why does he refuse to leave her everytime I ask? They've only been together for two months, but he had been emotionally and physically cheating on her for that time.Hard to say why he is with her, and not another girl. He obviously needs attention and uses both you and her to make him feel good. She might be his girlfriend at the moment because she is pretty or funny, or seemed hard to get at one point. Can't tell you. But he cheated on her pretty much right away, so his feelings for her aren't deep. That's easy to see. And here is another hard truth: he is not leaving her for you because he feels even less for you. He is not interested in a relationship that's fair and stable. He had something with you, it didn't work out, and he still gets to play with you. There is no reason for him to go back to you. And if he did, cheating would be much much harder, since you've seen him do it with you. He is a loser. And even though above I said he probably didn't care very much about you or his girlfriend: this doesn't mean he is right. Quite the contrary. Your worth does not depend on him. He is a jerk who abuses people, a liar and an egomaniac. The big question is: why do YOU want him back? What does he have that makes him special?
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Hard to say why he is with her, and not another girl. He obviously needs attention and uses both you and her to make him feel good. She might be his girlfriend at the moment because she is pretty or funny, or seemed hard to get at one point. Can't tell you. But he cheated on her pretty much right away, so his feelings for her aren't deep. That's easy to see. And here is another hard truth: he is not leaving her for you because he feels even less for you. He is not interested in a relationship that's fair and stable. He had something with you, it didn't work out, and he still gets to play with you. There is no reason for him to go back to you. And if he did, cheating would be much much harder, since you've seen him do it with you. He is a loser. And even though above I said he probably didn't care very much about you or his girlfriend: this doesn't mean he is right. Quite the contrary. Your worth does not depend on him. He is a jerk who abuses people, a liar and an egomaniac. The big question is: why do YOU want him back? What does he have that makes him special? When I read what you wrote, my entire mind felt like it snapped back into reality. You're right, I had thought that if we saw each other again, maybe he would consider being with me. But the hard truth was that no matter how much I feel like I'm putting my emotions out there for him to see, he pushes them aside and I realized I've been the foolish one over and over again giving up my self respect. I honestly don't know why I want him back. But seeing him again did bring back alot of things, but forcefully trying to get him back is like trying to grasp a handful of sand and not letting it slip away.
MindoverMatter Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I was hoping my harsh word would help you see him in another light. Don't let this affect your feelings of self-worth or think that it devalues your feelings. It doesn't. You told the girlfriend. Now move away from this mess. Stop focussing on him, and instead take of yourself. Be the person you want to be.
TigerCub Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Please...What you did was disgusting! Yeah the girlfriend did deserve to know that her boyfriend is cheating on her, but you ended up hurting the girlfriend just to get back at the guy who rejected you, who didn't see you worthy of being in a relationship with him, but only good enough as bootie call. If you think what he was doing was so wrong, why the hell did you take part in it? People like you (and the dirtbag bf) deserve to be played and cheated on.
Author xpaperxcutx Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 I was hoping my harsh word would help you see him in another light. Don't let this affect your feelings of self-worth or think that it devalues your feelings. It doesn't. You told the girlfriend. Now move away from this mess. Stop focussing on him, and instead take of yourself. Be the person you want to be. You're right . The whole day, while I felt a lot calmer, I find myself a bit relieved from all the stress that have overcame me. While on occasion I find myself thinking about him, I realized also, I'm less attached as well. I'm moving on with my life as well, and hopefully I can forget about this in the near future.
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