Mr. Lucky Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 oh yeah. and I was drunk. for the first time. don't think I was thinking too clearly. I hear alchohol is a CNS depressent and lowers your inhibitions. and no, I didn't realize I had drunk that much. Woman who made me teh drink told me it had 1/4 teh alchohol it actually did. laughed her head off to see how drunk I was. (she was my boss's boss, so I couldn't really refuse the drink, and I trusted her not to get me wasted since I told here I hadn't eaten in 9hrs and she knew I was on call) Note to self. Don't get drunk. make own drinks. I refused affair guy twice before accidently getting drunk. couldn't exactly avoid him though. Yes I am serious, I had never been drunk before. Funny enough, I haven't actually had sex with anybody but my husband before either. So don't judge my talents in medicine based on what i do when plastered. That is one crap load of rationalization and self-excuses. The old "it wasn't me, it was the alcohol" play. Were a drunk driver to run you over crossing the street, you'd be comforted by that through your painful mending and rehab, right? He didn't mean to, what could he do, he was drunk? You'll find much more success in both your personal and professional life if you accept responsibility for your mistakes. Being human, we all make them. But your "note to self" needs to address more than your alcohol consumption... Mr. Lucky
Reggie Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 You are one messed up, rationalizing, dishonest person. Where are your ethics, doc?
lkjh Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Im not going to judge you as a future doctor but you really need to stop justifying everything. Just because people do not see things your way does not mean you need to change your name
showmethemoney Posted January 18, 2009 Posted January 18, 2009 Most BSs will blame themselves when an affair occurs and the marriage looks like it's over. It has more to do with lowered self-esteem when their spouse has made a choice to be with someone else. Inside he is saying I must be a bad person because she had an affair. It's a very common occurrence, but eventually he will realize that his issues where at most half the problem and the other half are your issues. Lets face it almost every WS that posts blames the BS in the begining. The barrage of excuses is a way of rationalizing their actions and providing cover for their guilt. In all your excuses I think you clearly pointed out the main reason. Lets face it! The main issue in your marriage is your being selfish. It's fine that you admitted it 'being a doctor is more important than being married'. We where all selfish when we where younger. But do yourself a favor, leave the other issues (excuses) out of this! You have admitted that with time and effort you could work these issues out. Why drag down your husbands self-esteem just to justify the fact your future medical career means more to you than him. He sounds like a great guy who will meet a women and find happiness in his life. Hopefully after you have satisfied your medical ambitions you will find a person you will be happy with as well.
J2FT1 Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 "He had sex a couple times before we got married and it was great. He was then in a horrible accident which included a brain injury just before we got married. He was unable to have sex reallly, but we got married as planned." Why didn't you just not marry him? It would have been done then and there.
blind_otter Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 Well I, for one, think there are too many people here who are perhaps reading their own betrayals into this story and are posting to be mean and cruel rather than to bother helping someone. OP, you don't need to rationalize what you did. Young people make mistakes, they make choices without thinking the consequences through. ESPECIALLY in your late teens/early 20s. Just because you have excelled academically does not mean your frontal lobe has magically matured faster than most human beings. This does not make you a bad person. You are not morally bereft, or evil. You made a choice, and that's all. Sometimes we make good choices, sometimes we make bad ones. And as the saying goes, let he who is completely without sin cast the first stone. I'm proud of you for coming clean to your H about the affair - that takes guts. A lot of people hide their infidelities from their spouse. What you did took courage, you faced the consequences of your actions. Kudos to you, and good luck in the future. The next few months won't be the most pleasant of your life - the end of a marriage is rarely a time of pleasantries and can bring out the very worst in people. I remember when my exH was moving out, arguing about who would get the china hutch. Petty stuff, really. But life goes on. Good luck to you and best wishes.
showmethemoney Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 My issue is not her choice to further her medical career. My issue is with the blame shifting excuses as to why the marriage is over. She stated that the issues could be fixed but it would negatively impact her career. She also stated that her career is more important to her than fixing the marriage. This is her choice based on what she wants at this time in her life. She just needs to clearly point his out to her husband and let him move on with his life. Why tear down another person just to make yourself fell better. I for one won't judge her for her decision to leave the marriage for her career. She knows what is best for her. I will judge her on her actions to cheat and blame shift rather than stepping up like an caring adult and ending the marriage and leaving her husband with a small bit of self-esteem.
NoIDidn't Posted January 20, 2009 Posted January 20, 2009 How sad. I got married really young too. I also gave up a couple of great career options. But I think I was mature enough to know what I was getting into. I don't say this to be mean, but the OP needs to grow up. With or without her husband. If she does it with him, great for the both of them if they grow and learn together. If she does it without him, good for her in that she will look back one day and hopefully learn not to be so hasty or make excuses for decisions that she makes - especially if she is training to be a doctor. Being a doctor is not a field for second guessing one's self often. Life and death decisions require decisiveness and thoughtful consideration - not blameshifting/blamestorming. I hope the OP considers her marriage more thoughtfully. Being young is not a good excuse to end a marriage - it is a good reason not to get into one, though.
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