!!! What do I do??? Anyone know how to decode guy language??? me!!

[sweetlonelygurl23]

This is a long post. My husband & I have been together for 5 1/2 yrs and married since Sept 07. Things have always been pretty rough from the get go. My parents and my husband have never gotten along even before we were married. Things were going okay up until Dec 08. One of my extended family members had a wedding on Dec 20. I asked my husband if he wanted to go to it w/me and it was also understood that my parents would be at the wedding too. I told him that I would not be mad if he didn't go. So he decided not to go. So instead, I took my friend w/me on that Saturday night; kind of made it a girls night.

 

Anyhow... she was a little bored w/the wedding so she texted my husband and asked him to come stay w/me and let her drive my car to 4th Street. So he ended up at the wedding w/us. I told me parents that I would be right back. They didn't listen to me and instead followed me outside w/o me knowing. Anyhow.... my husband gave me friend my car keys. I preceded to tell him that my friend had been drinking liquor and tequila shots and was not going to be driving anywhere.

 

So anyhow somehow my dad and my husband ended up in a shoving match. I'm not sure how; but I ended up being able to pull them apart. Then instead of my husband letting things go; he tells everyone that he is calling the cops to press charges. I was so angry at both parties for acting the way that they did; plus I had 3 weeks of anger building up inside of me from my husband going to the Elks Club and hanging out from 4:30pm - 8, 9, 10, or 11ish. I never knew when he was going to come home ever. It was all about going to the Elks w/his dad and/or brother and drinking. I believe he is an alcoholic.

 

So since I was angry I didn't check on either of them (which I know was wrong). Instead I left and went to 4th Street w/my friend and a couple of my sober guy cousins. So I didn't end up going home until Sunday @ around noon. When I got there, my husband was there w/his dad and they were changing the locks on the house. He then told me that I had 30 min to get what I needed and he threw me out of my house. He said that the puppies would be staying w/him. Now...... I was really fuming...... b/c I was taking my NCLEX exam (nursing boards) on Tuesday morning @ 8AM. This was absolutely ridiculous.

 

Anyhow.... I took boards and ended up failing them but not by much. I wasn't too surprised after what I had been through. So anyhow......... we started going to counseling abt 3 weeks ago for ourselves individually and as a couple. He keeps talking about divorce w/me and wants to leave me b/c he says he doesn't want to deal w/in-laws that don't like him anymore. I don't think that's fair to leave me b/c of it. He knew abt that when we got married and I knew he drank somewhat too before we got married (although it is 100 times worse now). When we were in couples counseling today, my husband said that he's 98% sure he wants a divorce (or so he tells our counselor that; yet he still wants to continue couples counseling..??). I am so angry right now. I don't know what to do....???

 

Then he's got a problem w/my mom/family and he blames his drinking on that/me. I wish he would remember why we fell in love again. Any suggestions on how I can get him to refall in love w/me again?? I'm feeling things that I would not wish on anyone. I just don't know what to do. One of my friend's said that it's like he's playing games w/me. I don't want to play. I just want to save me marriage. I don't want to throw 5 1/2 yrs of my life away. He comes home and doesn't talk to me; instead he drinks, plays his computer game, or whatever else he can do to not spend time w/me.

 

He also baffles me b/c he wants to know why I won't snuggle w/him at night and why I sleep so far away from him. Gee.... I wonder why. Then his last comment a few minutes ago was...... don't worry I won't make you wait much longer. I just don't get it. I've tried to be a good wife and I guess I'm just not good enough. Can anyone help me/give me some suggestions????

[sweetlonelygurl23]

I left a few other comments he's made to me. My wedding ring is community property. At counseling he said that he has done everything out of spite to my parents. Talk abt a slap in the face..... he doesn't know that he has ever loved me and that he's not in love w/me anymore. Then he'll say, if we do get divorced, you and I will work everything out civilly right?? He's also said that even if we have the paper work drawn up and even if we do go through w/the divorce there are couples that always end up getting back together. I don't understand him. Any help is greatly appreciated!???

[Touche]

He's playing games with you.

 

He wants his freedom but at the same time he knows he can get you anytime he wants you.

 

Spend any more time with him and guess what? You'd be wasting your time.

 

I doubt he's ever going to "fall in love with you" again. He clearly has a bad drinking problem too.

 

Stay with him and your life will just get worse. I'd cut him loose.

 

No offense, but your husband sounds very low-class and has no control over himself.

 

My suggestion? Take your exam again and divorce him. I wasted 9 years with a man who wasn't good for me. You've wasted about 5. Don't let 4 more years go by.

 

Kiss him goodbye. He's treating you like a doormat and you're letting him.

[Geishawhelk]

I think he's psychotic. Honestly, I do, mentally psychotic.

Possibly exacerbated/caused by alcohol, I don't know, but really, his behaviour is extreme to say the least.

 

I think (unless he addresses it himself) he's beyond help and support.