LovieDove24 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I've heard time and time again that we tend to date the same type of people over and over again. That if you feel stagnated in your current relationship it is not necessarily wise to jump into a new one thinking it will be all roses or "different." Chances are you will be faced with the same old problems and aggravating personality traits once the new relationship has revealed its "true" self. Since our core self rarely falters, and we seek out those who validate us, it seems no surprise then that who we choose does not falter much either. So what do you think? Do you think people really live and learn from their exes? Or do we just tweak and modify to get minor upgrades along the way? Deep down is our current SO just a shiny version of the same ol hunk o' junk we've always dated? (This sounds like a Carrie Bradshaw column!)
pandagirl Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I feel like I always date the same kind of guys, even though I try not to. They're all very smart, artistic, pretentious, into soccer, and emotionally unavailable! If I could just get rid of the "pretentious" and "emotionally unavailable" part, I'd have a winner!
Author LovieDove24 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Thats funny cuz I always tend to date the emotionally unavailable ones too. The tricky part is getting past the first few months when they trick you and treat you like gold...then wham! They stop calling and stop opening up. Its like you've hit a roadblock. Right now I'm working on my self and trying to decipher my inner workings in order to avoid dating the "same" kind of men. I posted this question because I was wondering if people believe it is possible.
djdiablo Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Yes, the girls I date share certain physical, emotional, logical qualities I look for. But they are definitely different from each other. Very different. Looking back, the girlfriend I am with now is waaay better of a fit for me than my first girlfriend ever. As is her family. There are still things I am not happy with (the amount of affection she shows) but I believe that she is capable of changing herself a little bit to make me happy. Regarding the learning experience, I have definitely learned a lot through my 5 or so real relationships, even though I notice some mistakes continue to occur. I guess you can always improve how you deal with things in a relationship. One important trait I look for is that your current gf PUSHES you to improve what the OP called your core self.
underpants Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 No, I like variety, or new mistakes. My ex's are extremely different on multiple levels.
sunshinegirl Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 My four significant exes have shared a number of characteristics even though they still somehow managed to be quite different men. * all very smart (2 lawyers, financial whiz guy, scientist) * all unavailable in one way or another * all tall, dark, handsome - their physical characteristics have been remarkably similar actually I'm working really hard to not repeat the unavailable part. Hoping I can still find smart + tall/dark/handsome.
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