lastnight Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 So for anybody who has been reading a few posts from me about what I've been going through the last month, or hell for anybody who just can't seem to find any good or any point to their world after it's been turned upside down and made colder by somebody walking out on them....this is for you. Since just before xmas I've been reeling from my ex ending things. Today I will take no more of it. I woke up this morning with the same but slightly less lonely feeling in my bed as I reached for my phone half hoping for a txt that would never come and out of habit of her being the first person i'd speak to once i'd woken. I pulled myself out of bed, but the pain was less today. I went to work, I smiled at an attractive girl in a coffee shop, and she smiled back. I started to feel the sense of loss and shock slowly sliding away. Sure I still miss her. Maybe I miss the familiarity and comfort more. Who knows. But I don't miss the questioning of my own thoughts. Why isn't she this, why doesn't she do that. Why can she be so good in some ways and then not so good in others. I started to remember what it was like to live for yourself. To take comfort in the fact that you know you're a good person. I started to take comfort in the fact that no matter how much I didn't put a foot wrong, I've ended up on my own. At that point something inside me, a spark ignited. I knew I'd be fine. I knew I was capable of giving my everything to somebody, fearless in the fact that nothing is certain. I gave it my best shot. It didn't work out. Life goes on. But I know if I'm capable of putting so much into something without any second thought, I know I am capable of love. Too bad for her she didn't want it. Maybe we met at the wrong time. I don't agree with that though, I think real love, true love beats circumstance into submission. I hope some of you can take comfort in the fact that I've been at the edge in these last few weeks, I was at the edge at another time during the relationship, but I know deep down that I'll be ok now and I can move on and strike this down to an experience in the long road of relationships and obstacles of life etc. In time I'll keep only the good memories, and feel sorry for the bad ones that came about, but will not hold them with resentment. I'm not the most confident of people, and the thought of being by myself doesn't fill me with the best of feelings. But somehow I know that things will be fine. I don't feel any bad feeling to my ex, even though she pulled the rug from under my feet and made me temporarily weaker. I just feel sad that something with once such promise and excitment is replaced with something so empty, fragile and grey. But it's ok because that's not of my making. I did the best I could. I'm smiling and it feels good. Believe in yourself people, those who walk away will regret it one day whether it's 1 month, 1 year, or 10 years from now. And whether they admit it or not, if you gave everything to them, they'll realise what they had eventually. It's karma, if you're a good person you'll find somebody else who will make you just as happy, even if it's not the next person who falls into your life but you will. Peace x
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 One day, 8 months after losing my first love, I decided I wouldn't have any more of it either. I stopped crying, stopped feeling those feelings. I haven't felt emotion correctly since. I am maybe one or two steps short of being a solid stone now. Watch out.
awesomeallalone Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 thank you for this it has inspired me to have hope that one day i will feel alive again!
mm4184 Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Believe in yourself people, those who walk away will regret it one day whether it's 1 month, 1 year, or 10 years from now. And whether they admit it or not, if you gave everything to them, they'll realise what they had eventually. It's karma, if you're a good person you'll find somebody else who will make you just as happy, even if it's not the next person who falls into your life but you will. Will they really regret it? I just feel so down because I feel like I gave him everything.. and he has said thanks for it all but I feel like it's because I told him nice things as well. I feel like I'm always looking for reassurance that I am a good person because I wonder why the hell would he leave something good. I was SOOOO good to him. But now that we're not together, I look at things that I may not have done right or whatever. I hate this! I hate thinking about him all the time and missing him like crazy. I can't picture myself with anyone else and I feel like everything else will be a downgrade
Recommended Posts