How do you cope with a bad break-up, will somone help make this pain go away?

[iceprincess]

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Wow...where do I start? Okay, I dated my ex-boyfriend for about 14 months...from the start we both knew that it was going to be tough and that if we both stuck it out together then we could make things work. We met each other on a training course in VA...after that I went home to Montana...he went home to Texas. Yes, it was going to be a long distance-relationship and I was nervous about it. At first we were really happy and talked everyday on the phone because we felt that communication was the biggest and most important factor in a long-distance relationship. He moved to NC for a year because of the USAR...and I flew down four times to visit him. I was so happy to see him at the airport, and we kissed and hugged. Did I mention he was my first boyfriend? I guess it's because I was kind of young and didn't know much about love....that things started to go wrong.

 

We started arguing more...and the conversations on the phone started getting quieter and quieter...and he wouldn't talk to me about his problems...and when I tried talking to him about issues that we argued about, he didn't want to make compromises. I had a very big problem with him going to strip clubs twice a week with his friends. That made me feel insecure about our relationship because I felt that me, my letters, my pictures, our talks on the phone, and my love for him wasn't enough; he liked watching naked women dance. I admit that I realize he's just a guy and he has his needs...but going 4-8 times a month is too much. Then I talked to him about being with me in public. He's not the hand-holding type and I told him that it made me feel left out when we go out and he has has his hands in his pockets. I always initiate the act of reaching and holding his hand...but always get rejected when he lets go after 5 minutes. Where's the love here?! Well, it was these little things that got us questioning our relationship. Despite those red flags, I was still infatuated with him. I felt that we could always talk to each other about our issues and problems and share the good/bad times together.

 

It wasn't until after my 3-week training course in HI...did he break my heart. He stopped calling for about a week, and so I called to check up on him...and he said he'd call me back....then I'd wait a couple days and call him back....but he was with his friends and he said he'd call me back...finally I got mad and I said, "What's going on?! Why have you been blowing me off like this? Are you just busy and don't have time to call me or what?" He was really quiet and answered back that he didn't know. That just really hurt me, because my baby didn't know...and his tone implied that he didn't care either. So, I told him that when HE felt like talking to me, then he should call me.....he never did. I never thought that our break-up would be like this....or that I would be this devastated about it. I thought he was a better person than that, but I guess people's true colors show in situations like this. I would have liked a "good-bye"....because this leaves me with no closure.

 

It's been about a month now...and it the pain is still fresh. I don't know how to let go...I tell myself everyday that I shouldn't want someone so bad...when he doesn't me, I can't stop the tears that spill out whenever I go to bed at night. I've always prided myself on not being the weepy-teary type of girl, but now I'm not ashamed to say that I feel that I've been defeated. I guess it's the strong ones that find true love. I just want all the pain and all the hurt to go away. Does anyone have any advice? I feel that I haven't been doing very well in my classes at the University because of this. I want to be a happier person and to see that there is still a bright future out there for me. How do I forgive....and let go...so I can living again?

[Tony T]

First of all, don't let your classes and grades get affected by the idiotic behavior of this lousy creep you were dating. Why would you even want to be upset over a wimpy scumbag who didn't even have the consideration to talk to you and let you know what his feelings were. He is simply not worth the time. It can't be him you are sad about losing...it must be the loss of the feelings and hope for the future that you are mourning? The future? How can you mourn something that hasn't yet appeared.

 

You aren't going through anything that most everybody else hasn't experienced. It takes some time but once you get angry at what was done to you, you'll almost be there. Meanwhile, concentrate on your studies. Talk about your feelings with friends but don't overdo it. If things get bad enough you feel that counselling might help, I'm sure they have those services at your school and you should take advantage of them.

 

Your healing process will move along at the speed you allow it and you'll be just fine. I've been where you are more than a few times and thought the world was caving in only to find eventually what happened was absolutely for the best.

[PaganDavid]

That Tony Sher gets around the site a lot Nalee I remember when I was 19 it is a very hard age to be, you're juggling school sometimes a job and relationship. I know this a cliche but time does heal. Just give it some time you sound like you have a lot going for you and listen to Tony, I think he's really smart