MindoverMatter Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I have another question for you wise people, when I was really upset when he was with his ex my best friend called him and told him what she thought of his dealing with this and his refusal to see me face to face. What she said to him obviously hit home and he keeps mentioning texting or calling my friend. Do you think this is right? My friend has told me to tell him not to bother texting her as she has nothing to say to him (she has lost all respect for him) And the triangle becomes a square!
2sunny Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I am afraid of being alone, like I have been for the last 8 years! honey, being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. big difference. you are making bad choices in this man because you don't want to be alone? it would be easier to be alone than to have to live with all this drama that focuses all his energy on another woman. did you say you were in your 40's? i can't imagine putting up with this kind of scene. our life lessons are to make us "wiser" - not desperate to get any crumbs hanging around that "look" like someone "might" be making half an effort.
dreamergrl Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 Ruby, you should be able to be secure with being alone. I know it sucks sometimes, but you should still be able to handle it. With that said, maybe you could try meeting some other men, like ones who aren't attached to their ex, aren't doing drugs, and are more mature.
Author Ruby Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 And the triangle becomes a square! What does this mean? I want to thank you all so much for not losing patience with me I am working through emotions that are alien to me at the moment and just because I am not ending it right now it does not mean that I won't end it. I know I will and I am drinking in all that you are saying, your words are not falling on deaf ears. I am scared of having no one in my life and having him takes some of the monotany and dullness from my life, but I am seeing what you are saying and letting it sink in
2sunny Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 the triangle = you, him and his ex the square = you, him, his ex and now your friend he wants to text. he's just trying to distract you from the reality of the crap he's put in front of you to try to make it look like it's not actually crap. it is! he knows it! no healthy person would put up with this and he knows it. that's why you were "the chosen one." he knows you will continue thinking this is all fine. sigh.
Author Ruby Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 I know he must see me as an easy touch
2sunny Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I know he must see me as an easy touch just vulnerable and easy prey... they can spot one a mile away.
MindoverMatter Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 See it from this angle: as long as you are with that loser, you will not meet a man who will treat you right. He is wasting your time.
Author Ruby Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 You are all so right I am an idiot!
MindoverMatter Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 No you are not. And you will do the right thing. I believe in you.
Author Ruby Posted February 9, 2009 Author Posted February 9, 2009 Thank you Mind, I wish I believed in myself so much!
2sunny Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 don't be so hard on yourself. you are doing fine to be posting so honestly here. there are a lot of folks here willing to help. you just need to find the courage to do the right thing for yourself. his priority is with her as he shows that he is willing to put time and energy into keeping up contact with her and finding out what she has going on. if you're not his priority - then why bother? you could be spending that time and energy on yourself or sharing it with a man that is emotionally available.
Mary3 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Firstly : That is a bunch of crap your bf is spewing from his mouth about how the ex better not text him or see him / police will be called. MORE DRAMA . DUMP ! DUMP ! There are definately BETTER guys for you Ruby : You are not ALONE. You have Love Shack I know that might not seem like much but you have received close to 100 responses to your problem and WE do care ! We care more than your selfish messed up boyfriend does... As for being alone , would it surprise you to know I am alone ? I dont FEAR being alone. I do alot of solo things. I do girlfriend things. You have to feel comfortable within yourself. Yes holidays are hard. They suck as a matter of fact , at times. Its what you make of the holidays . Or at minimum get through them. I do care about someone and he lives far away. But hopefully a near future and he and I will be together. Please keep posting. Everyone here does care !
lonelygurl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 3 months really isn't a very long time to get over someone you spent 4 years with. So...I would be worried too. I would say if his behaviour continues, don't even bother with him anymore. If he still has feelings for his ex, which I would be willing to bet he does, you will be nothing but a rebound girl. Why did things end between them? Did he dump her or vice versa? If she dumped him, he is probably still holding out hope she'll want to get back together. I know you said he only expresses strong feelings of anger toward her, but anger is still a feeling, a very strong feeling. If he were truly over her, he would not feel anything toward her anymore; he would be indifferent. Give it a few more days and if it continues, it's pretty obvious what's going on. He is not over her by any means. and 3 months is not very long for him to have healed from her. If they are meeting up is there a chance they could get back together? That is what my X did with me. He contacted me and met up and we got back together. I can imagine this must be very hard and stressful for you, but if talks about her all the time and is going to see her, those are signs he is not over her.
Mary3 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 He is not over her by any means. and 3 months is not very long for him to have healed from her. If they are meeting up is there a chance they could get back together? That is what my X did with me. He contacted me and met up and we got back together. I can imagine this must be very hard and stressful for you, but if talks about her all the time and is going to see her, those are signs he is not over her. Very beautifully spoken ! ............
Author Ruby Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 I am so ashamed. For the last few days I have been going to his house after work to see him (and sleep with him) as he won't come to my house when my son is there. I feel like I have hit a self destruct button in myself
2sunny Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 ok - that's good honesty Ruby! today, go to the market on the way home. anything to distract you from going to see him... movie, book store, take your son to the park. stay too busy to see him!
Author Ruby Posted February 10, 2009 Author Posted February 10, 2009 Why do you think he will not come to my house?
dreamergrl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I am so ashamed. For the last few days I have been going to his house after work to see him (and sleep with him) as he won't come to my house when my son is there. I feel like I have hit a self destruct button in myself I feel for you Ruby, I do, but no one can help you if you are not willing to help yourself.
dreamergrl Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Why do you think he will not come to my house? You shouldn't want him at your house.
serial muse Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Why do you think he will not come to my house? Perhaps because he is okay with and used to lying to you, but he can't quite handle the guilt when it comes to your son? I saw a post you made a few days ago in which you worried about being a bad mom. Don't think about it that way - think about how to be strong for your son, how to set him a good example of behavior and strength and self-respect and respect for others. Don't let your son learn bad lessons of how to treat people from this man. I know it can be hard to do it for yourself, so maybe you can let go of this destructive, toxic relationship because it's best for your son, too?
Mary3 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I am so ashamed. For the last few days I have been going to his house after work to see him (and sleep with him) as he won't come to my house when my son is there. I feel like I have hit a self destruct button in myself This garbage saga continues on and on because of one thing : You might not be familiar with NO CONTACT. That means when he whines to have you over , calling you or you feel weak and want to call him....NC Puts a STOP to all this junk thats coarsing through your veins and makes you do things like sleep with him . I know you find some comfort in his arms but you should DETEST all that he has done to you ! Do not call , email , myspace , facebook , web cam , telephone , text , instant message , snail mail , peigeon carrier , or ANYTHING OTHER form of contact and you WILL get over him. How hard do you think it is getting over him when he is whining for some punnany ? Or your soft body in his bed. Get over this dud ! Get you a NEW man who is not ashamed of your child or YOU ! Now he adds another smack in the face by not BOTHERING to come over to your house. This smells terribly of BOOTY CALL !
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