Blondi26 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 My ex has been contacting me for the past three months trying to talk to me. He said he acted like a jerk, I deserve better, can we please talk blah blah. Finally, I agree to meet and talk with him. He says he wants to take things slow, hang out, and see where it goes. What does that mean? If he wanted me back... wouldn't he just get back together with me then and there?
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 he's probably testing the waters. dunno what happened between you, but if he was a jerk like he's saying, it's probably a good idea to take it slow, and not rush right back to the way you were when you finished. you broke up for a reason, you need to address that. do you think he was a jerk? who broke up with who, and what do you want from all this?
saturnsfall Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 What you wrote is EXACTLY what my ex said to me. The EXACT situation I went through. He broke up with me, was extremely rude and one day suddenly had a change of heart and told me he wanted to "take it slow and see what happens" Everyday I would stress about whether I would see him, what he was thinking etc. This was because we were "taking it slow" and not back in a relationship. I'm telling you, from experience. It's emotionally draining. It adds so much more stress than if you were just broken up. In my opinion, if someone cares enough, they will be back in that relationship and "take it slow" No one should make you wait to "see what happens" I cared deeply for my ex, but it wasn't worth the heartache. It dragged everything out. What will you do if it doesn't work? Will you regret having given it a chance? I wanted a second chance so badly, and when I finally got one, having gone through what I went through constantly not knowing. When I look back, I should have told him no and walked away. I don't know what your situation was like, but I can tell you... he would be with you again working on the relationship. This limbo land you're about to enter into is NOT worth it.
Author Blondi26 Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 He broke up with me. We have been apart for a year and a half. We were originally together for 3 years. While I realize that jumping back into a serious relationship can prove difficult, I don't understand the "see how it goes" bit. You already dated me and you know who I am. Plus, we have been apart for 1.5 years, isn't that enough time to know what you want? Not knowing what is going on is really an anxious business and ultimately can really delay your healing time. I'm not asking for a kidney here. But it really does require a lot on my part to just throw caution to the wind and see where it goes. It's just frustrating. I want a second chance at this, but it's really hard and I'm not sure if I will ever succeed. Thanks for the responses.
saturnsfall Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Second chances are risky. Like you said, he knows who you are and you've been apart long enough that he should have sorted out all his confused feelings. If you decide to give it a second chance, please do yourself on favor... don't let it consume you because it will try its hardest to do just that. Your thoughts will never be in place because there's no commitment and you'll question everything that happens. Be careful, and if you have any questions / thoughts. Please post here. I'll keep an eye out for your posts. I've been through it, and I know how difficult it is.
saturnsfall Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I just went and read your original thread from last year. Everything your ex said to you, mine said to me. I had to stop reading a few times and look at who posted the thread because I thought I was reading my own story. If he said he doesn't know if he can trust you again... that's a big issue. My ex said the same thing to me. Like you, my ex would also be fine one day when he saw me and then a bit reserved the next. You really need to think about this and be careful. I don't want to be discouraging, so I'll stop writing. But really, think about this. Really think about everything he's done and what he's said to you. Sometimes it's best to walk away.
BCCA Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Here is my guess: did he just get out of a relationship? Possibly dumped? Because, it sounds like he wants an interim girlfriend. Someone to spend time with and see when its good for him, but all the while, hes trying to find someone else. Like you said, he knows you, and he should have an idea of what he wants. He's asking you to put your heart on the line with no assurances of what will happen. I'm sure hes also trying to make it out like its a good thing for everyone, when in reality, its not. This is going to be painful everyday, and chances are, youre going to think hes an even bigger jerk when its all said and done. I would ask him where he wanted things to go and what 'taking it slow' means. I'll bet he says 'i dont know'...if I was a betting man, I'd put my paycheck on it. "I dont know" is code for "I dont want to tell you because you wont like it and then I'm screwed here". And why not just get back together and see how it goes? He's not even going to be exclusive with you, is he? No thanks.
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