lonelygurl Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 It is amazing how our X's can just dump us and move on like we never existed and yet we (I) sit here like I can't go on. Seven years and nothing. How do they manage to just move on to someone new without giving a care in the world about us without missing us or in any pain. Yet, we are in pain feeling like we can't survive. Wondering how we will ever get through this? Why can't we move on like that and just forget about them the same way they have done to us. I wish I could just pick up a new guy and forget him, the way I'm sure he's picked up a new girl (based on the last experience). I was at school today and there are plenty of men my age (including a couple in my classes). I was thinking maybe that is what I need a few guys to play around with just to pass the time and forget about him. I don't want a relationship, but eh....play can be fun! But I wonder sometimes if it will make me feel better or worse. I can't say for sure and won't know till I try, but it is mighty tempting and I will have plenty of opportunity hanging out with the crowds of friends I make. I am finding it very hard to move on. Suggestions anyone??????????? Wallowing in this pain and pity is horrible!!!!
alwayssme Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I think that when coming out of a relationship, we want something to make the pain go away immediately because...well duh...it hurts like hell and its hard to live like that...but there is no quick remedy to getting over someone you love in my opinion...from my own personal experience and from what I have seen from others...here is what i suggest...make new friends...if you happen to be interested in any of these guys, then thats great but dont force it on yourself...there is nothing worse than being heartbroken and trying to "force" or "convince" yourself to like someone else...you want to feel the same comfort and you cannot find that with someone you just meet obviously...so you realize that you cant replace your ex with this new person and you get angry at yourself and you feel like you miss your ex sooo much more. You feel like "im trying to move on and try other people but it doesnt feel the same." of course it doesnt...there is no way to avoid the pain...even doing things such as hanging out with friends and family, keeping yourself busy--it does not mean that you will forget about your ex right away and the pain will not be there...keeping yourself busy is a good thing because heck its your life and even if you werent in pain at all, sitting at home all day with nothing to do is not exactly fun...i think the important part is letting yourself feel the pain and acknoledge the fact that this is going to hurt for awhile and that someday it WILL become a distant memory
BobrigoSanchez Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 DO NOT mess around with anyone in your class! Preferably, you won't be fooling around with anyone in your school, unless it's on a serious note. Feelings can arise from one person and not be replicated by the other, and that makes for a tough situation. It can be done, but if you ever get really serious with someone, preferably you wont work or go to school together. That makes for one hell of a breakup if it happens. I've been there. Lastly, of course you should see other people on your terms. You seem to have a serious case of pining. You are the only one maintaining the memory of your relationship alive and thats one hell of a burden. But thats only natural when you are the one with the bruised ego. When someone walks out on you and decides you aren't the best thing since sliced bread, their moving on almost confirms that in our brains. We start believing that we suck and we're not as great as we thought we were. It's all an illusion, and it also spawns from the fact that we didn't care to realize that not everyone is meant for eachother. We aren't the RIGHT ONE for everyone else, while everyone else is competing to be at our level. These aren't conscience thoughts.
Author lonelygurl Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 I think that when coming out of a relationship, we want something to make the pain go away immediately because...well duh...it hurts like hell and its hard to live like that...but there is no quick remedy to getting over someone you love in my opinion...from my own personal experience and from what I have seen from others...here is what i suggest...make new friends...if you happen to be interested in any of these guys, then thats great but dont force it on yourself...there is nothing worse than being heartbroken and trying to "force" or "convince" yourself to like someone else...you want to feel the same comfort and you cannot find that with someone you just meet obviously...so you realize that you cant replace your ex with this new person and you get angry at yourself and you feel like you miss your ex sooo much more. You feel like "im trying to move on and try other people but it doesnt feel the same." of course it doesnt...there is no way to avoid the pain...even doing things such as hanging out with friends and family, keeping yourself busy--it does not mean that you will forget about your ex right away and the pain will not be there...keeping yourself busy is a good thing because heck its your life and even if you werent in pain at all, sitting at home all day with nothing to do is not exactly fun...i think the important part is letting yourself feel the pain and acknoledge the fact that this is going to hurt for awhile and that someday it WILL become a distant memory thank you always. It is true that there is no way around the pain. I know that deep down dating or whatever won't work. I tried that last time around and it only made me feel worse. I'm not the type of person to just throw myself around like he does. It just isn't my type of personality and I don't need sex just for kicks like he does. I more than likely will stay away from dating for a very long time, but the thought just seems likes a good idea. I just wish there was a way to erase them from our memory and start over the way they seem to with us. We need some type of pain over pill!
Author lonelygurl Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 DO NOT mess around with anyone in your class! Preferably, you won't be fooling around with anyone in your school, unless it's on a serious note. Feelings can arise from one person and not be replicated by the other, and that makes for a tough situation. It can be done, but if you ever get really serious with someone, preferably you wont work or go to school together. That makes for one hell of a breakup if it happens. I've been there. Lastly, of course you should see other people on your terms. You seem to have a serious case of pining. You are the only one maintaining the memory of your relationship alive and thats one hell of a burden. But thats only natural when you are the one with the bruised ego. When someone walks out on you and decides you aren't the best thing since sliced bread, their moving on almost confirms that in our brains. We start believing that we suck and we're not as great as we thought we were. It's all an illusion, and it also spawns from the fact that we didn't care to realize that not everyone is meant for eachother. We aren't the RIGHT ONE for everyone else, while everyone else is competing to be at our level. These aren't conscience thoughts. Dating at "school" is not problem.....there are thousands upon thousands of students...I'm an older woman and it is a huge college. No serious stuff for me! You are right we start believing and then it sucks and we feel like crap!
vulcan Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 I am dealing with the same thing. I wish I knew I really do. I knwo what you are going through and seems like themore I talk about it the more I get frustrated, angry, upset and just never can find satisfaction in dealing with things. I hope nothing but thebest for you because this is a pian I would not wish on anyone. I would rather take a bullet in the arm than to feel the mental torture
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