AlektraClementine Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I be interested to know people's opinions on forming friendships with members of the opposite sex when in a relationship (using hetero relationships as the context). I am in the process of making friends with a guy who I met through mutual friends. No attraction there for me at all. Just a cool person. We chat about lots of things like religion, work, music, etc. Never chat about relationships in general or anything of the sort. He knows I'm taken and my boyfriend is aware of the friendship. I only ask because I thought I detected a bit of unease in my BFs voice and language the other day when said friend came up in conversation. (Said friend is on the path to becoming a monk and plans to move to a mountain top one day. My boyfriend referred to him as "weak"). I know he's not ordinarily that judgmental and took it as defensive. I love my BF and don't want to cause any unnecessary discomfort for him. We both have friends of the opposite sex but they're all old friends. No new friendships since our relationship began. I have no qualms about distancing myself from the friendship if necessary. I guess my question is, how do I know if the unease is normal and just due to the newness and uncertainty of it or if it really is something I shouldn't engage in.
birdie Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I think your boyfriend is just irritated by people with such idealistic views on life that they think they can move to a mountaintop and admire the world from their little ivory tower. I think you should ask your boyfriend. This is a personal choice but I'm not sure I would accept a relationship where my SO tried to tell me whom I could or couldn't be friends with. Doubt that it's what he meant though.
Author AlektraClementine Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 This made me chuckle. I agree. I think my BF probably thinks "oh geez. why is my girlfriend befriending such a tool" , whilst rolling his eyes. I thought about asking him directly but sometimes that doesn't always work out because in an effort to preserve pride, he may just lie and say it doesn't bother him, you know? If possible, I'd like to gather some data. A collective opinion that I can apply some mathematics to. Gentlemen? yay or nay.
Adunaphel Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 My ideal rule would be "no new friends of the opposite sex... unless they can be considered new friends of the couple". I guess I am of the very jealous kind. Have you ever discussed the topic with your bf on general terms?
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