In a new relationship.. how long does it take for the flaws to come out ?

[hoartiosans]

Compatibility is no doubt important, but you have to be reasonable, and accept that a person, no matter who they are is not going to fill your every "need" and that you also have to realize that at some point unconditional love in some form has to exist to maintain a long-term relationship, and into marriage. No one should ignore a person's flaws early on, but you have to decide if it's really important to you or if you're just nervous about your future (which you have every right to be, but you have to be logical at times) if you really feel that, that person's flaws matter to you than you should walk before it gets serious, but it shouldn't be something like, oh I don't know, the wrong career path for example.

[durotto]

That's perfectly logical, but there are little things that people blow out of proportion, and use them as excuses to abandon relationships. That's all I'm saying, and if I'm using myself as an example, I "need" someone who will fight for a relationship. But If you stop and think about what you "need" you'll find that many of them are pretty shallow, and the acquiring of those "needs" has no long standing effect on your happiness with the person. Unless they're just a total A-Hole, or treat you badly, or don't care about how you feel, than little things, a person's quirks, shouldn't get in the way of how much you love someone. I'd rather live in a box by the side of the road with the person I love, than in a giant mansion all by myself, or with someone I hate.

 

I agree .. I believe that love is something at which you should always work at ..

[vulcan]

Wellfor me at first I had alwasy thought some things were questionable right off the rip but I was in LUUUUUV so I overlooked them. Hindsight is always 20/20 isn't it lol

 

Anyways they wernt things I was too cncerned about at the time :however, after about 6-7 months her true cloros began to show through.

 

Everyone at first is on their best behaviour it all varries as to the time it takes for the real them or you to come out it all depends on how well you can keep up the facade

[EmperorR]

hmm well from my relationship with my fiance, it took about 5 months, the first 5 months were all peachy and like heaven then she became cranky, low self esteem and I didn't know if that was the real her but yep it was.

[Trialbyfire]

hmm well from my relationship with my fiance, it took about 5 months, the first 5 months were all peachy and like heaven then she became cranky, low self esteem and I didn't know if that was the real her but yep it was.

EmperorR, I have to say something about this. It's not as if people don't show flashes of their true self sooner, it's that we...yes...WE ignore the red flags. When you get double-vision about someone, even if it's not consistent, that's when you know to analyze like mad! Lesson learned and never forgotten.

[hoartiosans]

EmperorR, I have to say something about this. It's not as if people don't show flashes of their true self sooner, it's that we...yes...WE ignore the red flags. When you get double-vision about someone, even if it's not consistent, that's when you know to analyze like mad! Lesson learned and never forgotten.

 

I agree with you totally, when we really like someone it seems to me that we like to ignore things that we think we don't care about that we let drive a wedge into a relationship and eventually destroy it. What a mature person has to do is decide if they really can't stand it or if their making a mountain out of a mole-hill. If you love a person you should want to make the relationship work, (unless your really just in it for fun, if that's the way you are) little flaws shouldn't get in the way of a great relationship. People seem to like to sabotage themselves these days.