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In a new relationship.. how long does it take for the flaws to come out ?

durotto

By durotto
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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durotto Established Member

durotto

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How long does it take for the flaws in a new relationship to come out ?

 

What do you know from experience ?

Geishawhelk Established Member

Geishawhelk

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Why, what have you found?

marlena Established Member

marlena

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Well, in my experience, the flaws are there right from the start. We see them but we knowingly ignore them for any number of reasons ...love,need,despair,money,loneliness etc....

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durotto Established Member

durotto

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Well, in my experience, the flaws are there right from the start. We see them but we knowingly ignore them for any number of reasons ...love,need,despair,money,loneliness etc....

 

really .. ..

 

I just wanted to know how soon my ex would find the flaws in her new love ..

Geishawhelk Established Member

Geishawhelk

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Sorry. Is my face red.

 

Wrong thread!!

 

Apologies! :lol:

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durotto Established Member

durotto

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Oh good grief.

And he says he's over her.....:rolleyes:

 

She's your ex.

why do you care?

If you invested as much time wondering how your new GF felt about YOUR flaws right now, and what you could do to change them, your time would be better spent!! :mad:

 

:( .... you are right !!

 

I am working on myself a lot more now ..

 

Have started the gym and other stuff and trying in many ways to move on as much as possible ..

 

but I just want to know this .. you know for mental satisfaction .. :o

Geishawhelk Established Member

Geishawhelk

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Bu actually, you do need to try to rise above this and not care.

You'll know when she does though.

She'll be back with her head on your shoulder crying to you.....

 

Girls always seem to fall back on the ex, for these reasons, somehow.

 

Do yourself a favour as and when she does.

Refuse to be the patsy fall guy.

If she has problems, they're hers, not yours.

 

EDIT:

 

That's cool (previous post!) I'm glad you took it ok, but in honesty?

I thought you were someone else!!

Sysyphus28 Established Member

Sysyphus28

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How long does it take for the flaws in a new relationship to come out ?

 

What do you know from experience ?

 

The flaws? Everyone has flaws. How long does it take for your flaws to come out?

 

It takes exactly 3 weeks, 2 days, and 1 hour. At that exact moment all of your partners flaws will be revealed. That unsightly nose-hair will begin to shine in the sunlight, the morning breath from hell will hover around your bed like a bad dream, you will also find out he/she does not know how to change her underwear properly.

 

That my freind is a question that has no answer

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durotto Established Member

durotto

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If I am in a new relationship .. how soon would my partner notice my flaws .. I mean nobody is perfect .. no matter how much you love someone . I mean there has to be a point where you say .. I do not like this part of him .. or I wish he could change this ..

 

I just want to know when does that happen usually ?

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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I don't look at them so much as flaws but incompatibilities. Everyone has positive and negative triggers, as well as abilities to communicate and resolve.

 

In my personal experience, it takes about 6 weeks to a couple of months, before issues start to manifest. Most issues within themselves aren't a big deal. It's how you resolve them or not, as a couple, that will define a make or break.

Dumbledore Established Member

Dumbledore

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How long does it take for the flaws in a new relationship to come out ?

 

What do you know from experience ?

It takes anywhere from 6 to 18 months for the rose-coloured glasses to come off. Google "honeymoon period" for more information.

marlena Established Member

marlena

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I don't look at them so much as flaws but incompatibilities. Everyone has positive and negative triggers, as well as abilities to communicate and resolve.

 

 

I think this is about right. They are not flaws, just parts of that person's personality structure. The problems begin to manifest themselves as soon as you discover that there are facets of that person's personality that do not mesh well with your own. These differences, in my opinion, appear quite early on in the relationship. If you have your radar up, you will detect them. Now, like TBF, there may be grounds to resolve the differences or there may be not in which case both people hopefully just peacefully part their ways without any unnecessary drama.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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How long does it take for the flaws in a new relationship to come out ?

about 12 to 16 weeks roughly...sometimes less, sometimes more

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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in which case both people hopefully just peacefully part their ways without any unnecessary drama.
I totally agree!
hoartiosans Established Member

hoartiosans

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I don't look at them so much as flaws but incompatibilities. Everyone has positive and negative triggers, as well as abilities to communicate and resolve.

 

In my personal experience, it takes about 6 weeks to a couple of months, before issues start to manifest. Most issues within themselves aren't a big deal. It's how you resolve them or not, as a couple, that will define a make or break.

 

You can't look at a person's flaws as incompatibilities, anyone who believes there is some perfect person out there for them is an idiot. No one is perfect, therefore there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, all you can do is love the person more than you hate their flaws. I personally don't believe in soul mates, I believe any person can be the one, it's just a matter of how committed you are to loving that one person, and flaws just weaken our resolve. And to really answer the question, flaws appear immediately (smaller one's anyway, it all depends, and larger one's appear later) it's just that at first you overlook them because you are attracted to the person (Just like I did), which can lead to dysfunctional or weak relationship.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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You can't look at a person's flaws as incompatibilities, anyone who believes there is some perfect person out there for them is an idiot. No one is perfect, therefore there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, all you can do is love the person more than you hate their flaws. I personally don't believe in soul mates, I believe any person can be the one, it's just a matter of how committed you are to loving that one person, and flaws just weaken our resolve. And to really answer the question, flaws appear immediately (smaller one's anyway, it all depends, and larger one's appear later) it's just that at first you overlook them because you are attracted to the person (Just like I did), which can lead to dysfunctional or weak relationship.

One person's flaw is another's necessary qualities.

 

I'm going to use myself as an example, since it's who I know well. I need someone who can clearly communicate and resolve, v. someone who agitates and escalates. You'll find other people want, even need the drama in their lives or prefer to avoid discussing issues, hoping they'll go away.

 

There's no right or wrong about needs. This goes back to positive and negative triggers.

againstallodds Established Member

againstallodds

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You can't look at a person's flaws as incompatibilities, anyone who believes there is some perfect person out there for them is an idiot. No one is perfect, therefore there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, all you can do is love the person more than you hate their flaws. I personally don't believe in soul mates, I believe any person can be the one, it's just a matter of how committed you are to loving that one person, and flaws just weaken our resolve. And to really answer the question, flaws appear immediately (smaller one's anyway, it all depends, and larger one's appear later) it's just that at first you overlook them because you are attracted to the person (Just like I did), which can lead to dysfunctional or weak relationship.

 

I think this is true. How do you explain that arranged marriage have a higher success rate vs marry for love etc....

hoartiosans Established Member

hoartiosans

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One person's flaw is another's necessary qualities.

 

I'm going to use myself as an example, since it's who I know well. I need someone who can clearly communicate and resolve, v. someone who agitates and escalates. You'll find other people want, even need the drama in their lives or prefer to avoid discussing issues, hoping they'll go away.

 

There's no right or wrong about needs. This goes back to positive and negative triggers.

 

That's perfectly logical, but there are little things that people blow out of proportion, and use them as excuses to abandon relationships. That's all I'm saying, and if I'm using myself as an example, I "need" someone who will fight for a relationship. But If you stop and think about what you "need" you'll find that many of them are pretty shallow, and the acquiring of those "needs" has no long standing effect on your happiness with the person. Unless they're just a total A-Hole, or treat you badly, or don't care about how you feel, than little things, a person's quirks, shouldn't get in the way of how much you love someone. I'd rather live in a box by the side of the road with the person I love, than in a giant mansion all by myself, or with someone I hate.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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How do you explain that arranged marriage have a higher success rate vs marry for love etc....

because the parties that arrange the marriage check beforehand for the core compatibilities which include but are not limited to race, religion, education and socio-economic background :lmao:

hoartiosans Established Member

hoartiosans

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because the parties that arrange the marriage check beforehand for the core compatibilities which include but are not limited to race, religion, education and socio-economic background :lmao:

 

Those things, don't matter at all in real love. But arranged marriages aren't about love, in their society divorce is taboo, and an insult to who set you up and to the people and families involved, it has nothing to do with compatibility. That's why they last.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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That's perfectly logical, but there are little things that people blow out of proportion, and use them as excuses to abandon relationships. That's all I'm saying, and if I'm using myself as an example, I "need" someone who will fight for a relationship. But If you stop and think about what you "need" you'll find that many of them are pretty shallow, and the acquiring of those "needs" has no long standing effect on your happiness with the person. Unless they're just a total A-Hole, or treat you badly, or don't care about how you feel, than little things, a person's quirks, shouldn't get in the way of how much you love someone. I'd rather live in a box by the side of the road with the person I love, than in a giant mansion all by myself, or with someone I hate.

There are no safe harbours in life. It's unrealistic to expect that love will conquer all.

 

If you don't have sufficient compatibilities, you'll find that you're always fighting which can tear down love in about two seconds flat. Money, sex, fidelity and a few other things, like wanting children, etc., are the biggest reasons for divorce. These aren't little things to overcome. They're foundational.

 

As for personality quirks, it depends. Some people are talkative, others prefer their peace and quiet. 24/7 with a chatty cathy or deathly silence will kill a relationship, post-haste.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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But arranged marriages aren't about love, ...

indeed, they are about practicality

hoartiosans Established Member

hoartiosans

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There are no safe harbours in life. It's unrealistic to expect that love will conquer all.

 

If you don't have sufficient compatibilities, you'll find that you're always fighting which can tear down love in about two seconds flat. Money, sex, fidelity and a few other things, like wanting children, etc., are the biggest reasons for divorce. These aren't little things to overcome. They're foundational.

 

As for personality quirks, it depends. Some people are talkative, others prefer their peace and quiet. 24/7 with a chatty cathy or deathly silence will kill a relationship, post-haste.

 

And I agree, that's not the kind of thing I'm talking about though, those are things you need to find out quickly, or else your just lying to yourself. You don't wait around for months never discussing these things, if what you care about is love, and not a fling, you need to bring those things up or else you will just end up hurting them and yourself dragging out a relationship you have no intention of committing to. And quirks shouldn't be enough to kill a relationship if you really love someone (Sadly they do though) and actually, shy, quiet people (like myself) love chatty outgoing people, chatty is different than annoying.

 

And love does not conquer all, that's a given just look at the divorce rate in the US today. But if you truly love someone you should be willing to try, and people nowadays, it just seems like they are unwilling to.

LovieDove24 Established Member

LovieDove24

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I agree that if your radar is up you can detect incompatabilities very early on. Some incompatabilities can be mulled over and compromised on, others cannot. And yes, COMPATABILITY matters...I don't know who you people are that are saying it does not but I am not sure you have ever been in a long term relationship if you believe this.

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