peteyj Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Even though there are still some difficulties between me and my soon to be ex-wife(like we are still living together for the next 5 months due to the lease issues and the fact in CA it takes like 6 months for a divorce to go through anyway) but now the divorce papers are signed and we sort of are trying to be civil...as much as it can be as she's the one who slept with somebody else and then started seeing him for a month....... Anyway it was rough in the beginning but now a little over a month later I'm starting to accept things, move on and deal with it.......But what sucks is not only does she go and see this other guy whom she basically ended our marriage for.....but she also goes on random dates every night of the week when she's not sleeping over this other guys place... And guys randomly pick her up and she gives out her number all the time.....I guess it would be easier if we didn't live together still...but she never brings these guys back to our place but still.... I no longer have a problem with what she does...over the past month and a half I've really learned not to like her or just think of her as a you know what.....But what sucks is she's out there getting all these numbers, going on dates all the time and then telling me about losers she's met or how many free drinks she gets....... while I haven't been on a date.... I go out with some friends once in a while but either they go to bars where all the girls are 22 years old and I'm 10 years their senior..or other friends have young kids and are all married.. I think I look ok as I try to eat healthy and work out six days a week....but I've never been the charismatic playboy type who could pick up any girl. It's not like I need to date or anything I guess but it's kind of depressing how she's the one who cheated, slept with this other guy for who knows how long before the month I knew about it..treated me like dirt, tried to manipulate and make me pay things for her while she did these things and then she hooks up and dates other guys...even dated a girl one night......and she can go out to a grocery store and get picked up or she joins some websites and gets calls that night.. She's a beautiful woman on the outside no doubt....but if she continues to party every night like she is...she won't be for long... But for me... I work a lot sometimes and I work in an industry and for a company where you just don't meet many woman.. Or the ones I've met are either psycho or older and taken....... I tried the bar scene.. It just doesn't work for me I guess. Never really did even when I was younger.. Yeah to have fun it's cool but to find a girl I'd actually want to date...not really.. I tried an online site and after a couple of weeks.... I don't even get replies. There are places you can go I guess but I don't know...... For me it's no longer about the divorce or her cheating or her treating me like crap and trying to turn things around making me out to be the bad person.............while that still sucks....the fact she goes on dates all the time, goes back to see this other guy she broke up our marriage for, while I honesty have no idea if I'll be dating anytime soon. I just don't meet enough people and all my friends either live 3000 miles away or where I live now they are all married or in serious relationships and their really isn't this big circle of friends who they can introduce me to somebody........And since I work a lot and am starting a new side project/business......I don't see me meeting that many people to date.....And if the online dating thing gets me 0 responses... i don't know... It just feels like she screwed me over and is living the happy life while I'm working my butt off and just feeling like crap. Working is great to get my mind off things but I know years ago before I ever got married or even met my soon to be ex-wife I worked the 100 hours a week and wound up getting stock options worth nothing.. I also missed hanging out with friends in my early twenties and I didnt' really date all that much... You don't meet many females when you work all the time.........But right now it's either I work all the time, go to they gym in my off time or I feel sorry for myself cause my ex has dates lined up left and right and I can't even find one date.
Nomad1 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 You are doing the right thing. She sounds like a teenager. You don't want a woman like that in your life. Stop thinking about what she is doing and who with. Stop looking for women. `They are not the answer to your problems right now. Keep up the good work. Set targets, eg. save money, take a new course. Rebuild your life for you. It sounds as though u do not have any children. Brilliant! Clean break. Move on! Good luck! Nomad1
Geishawhelk Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 .......But what sucks is not only does she go and see this other guy whom she basically ended our marriage for.....but she also goes on random dates every night of the week when she's not sleeping over this other guys place... And guys randomly pick her up and she gives out her number all the time.....I guess it would be easier if we didn't live together still...but she never brings these guys back to our place but still.... So what? It's not your deal anymore, it's over, you're divorced. Other than the paperwork, she's a free agent. I no longer have a problem with what she does...over the past month and a half I've really learned not to like her or just think of her as a you know what.....But what sucks is she's out there getting all these numbers, going on dates all the time and then telling me about losers she's met or how many free drinks she gets....... You do so still have a problem with what she does! while I haven't been on a date.... I go out with some friends once in a while but either they go to bars where all the girls are 22 years old and I'm 10 years their senior..or other friends have young kids and are all married.. I think I look ok as I try to eat healthy and work out six days a week....but I've never been the charismatic playboy type who could pick up any girl. .... It's not like I need to date or anything What are you moaning about, exactly....? .....but it's kind of depressing how she's the one who cheated, slept with this other guy for who knows how long before the month I knew about it..treated me like dirt, tried to manipulate and make me pay things for her while she did these things and then she hooks up and dates other guys...even dated a girl one night......and she can go out to a grocery store and get picked up or she joins some websites and gets calls that night.. She's a beautiful woman on the outside no doubt....but if she continues to party every night like she is...she won't be for long... Oh good grief! You're jealous!! For me it's no longer about the divorce or her cheating or her treating me like crap and trying to turn things around making me out to be the bad person.............while that still sucks....the fact she goes on dates all the time, goes back to see this other guy she broke up our marriage for, while I honesty have no idea if I'll be dating anytime soon. I just don't meet enough people and all my friends either live 3000 miles away or where I live now they are all married or in serious relationships and their really isn't this big circle of friends who they can introduce me to somebody........And since I work a lot and am starting a new side project/business......I don't see me meeting that many people to date.....And if the online dating thing gets me 0 responses... i don't know... This is huge for you, isn't it? The "injustice" of it! It just feels like she screwed me over and is living the happy life while I'm working my butt off and just feeling like crap. Boy, you really do have a problem, don't you? You are going to think I am one callous and insensitive bitch, but this is your problem. And you are just making it 100 times worse by wallowing in self-pity. Nobody is deliberately making you feel that way. She's living her life to the full, enjoying herself and getting out and about, doing what she wants to do. Why do you limit yourself with "yes but's" and "this sucks!"...?? Your life now, is entirely under your control. You don't have to answer to anyone, so why aren't you freeing yourself from this cr*p? Bide your time, wait until she moves out, then figure what you're going to do with your life. Until then, I suggest you catch up on some reading. Buy books about self-esteem, confidence, and how we so readily shoot ourselves in the foot and just make ourselves feel worse. Because these feelings of jealousy, injustice, envy, resentment and animosity - are all yours. All yours. So face them, step up to them, and deal with them.
PWSX3 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Your stbxw is seeing another guy yet she is out dating, that should tell you something right there.... She is not happy with herself so she is out trying to have others prove to her how good she is, how pretty she is, etc..... Don't worry about what she is doing, worry about how lucky you are that you don't have someone in your life now that doesn't love you or respect you. Use this time to do things for you. Find a hobby you like, find other activities you might like to do. As for the bar seen I have to agree with you. Some of us from my divorce care class have gone out a few times to the bars & that just isn't my thing. I wouldn't want to pick up a date at a bar because if they are spending time in a bar that isn't the type of person I would want in my life in the first place. It has to be very hard for you to still be living with her, I remember the last two months me & the stbxw were together it just kept getting worse & worse.
reddog63 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Jeezzzz Geisha..........give the guy a break. If this was happening to you I do not think youi would find it so cut and dry while the wounds are still fresh.
Navin_R_Johnson Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Don't worry about what she is doing, worry about how lucky you are that you don't have someone in your life now that doesn't love you or respect you. This sentence is going to be taped to my car dashboard this morning. Thank you, PW!
BusterBrown Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 This sentence is going to be taped to my car dashboard this morning. Thank you, PW! Excellent idea. I think that's very good advice also. I've been trying to tell myself this lately, but then my love for her rears it's ugly head and fogs up my mind.
Geishawhelk Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Jeezzzz Geisha..........give the guy a break. If this was happening to you I do not think youi would find it so cut and dry while the wounds are still fresh. ONE: It has happened to me. Two: Actually - it really is that cut and dried. Nothing I have put is untrue. It just needs a bit of adjustment in perspective. But whilst they are living on top of one another, he can't see the wood for the trees. Which is why I mentioned him biding his time.
Author peteyj Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Maybe it is a little jealousy and resentment but I really don't care who she sees or goes out with... Heck she even went to a bar to meet some guy who she met online and I even took her to that bar one night cause she wasn't sure the guy was who he said he was.....I went and talked to other people at that bar, had a couple of drinks, then when she texted me the guy seemed cool, I went to another bar.......Later that night I drove her home as she really didn't like the guy...... I have no problems with her dating or seeing other people.. Yeah it sucks for me that she's out and having fun while all I do is work and meet nobody most of the time.......The only person I can't stand is the guy she broke the marriage up for..He knew she was married and didn't give a damn.. So in the grand scheme of things I can't stand her or him......As far as these other guys she dates....We're not together anymore so that just doesn't matter. What does piss me off sometimes is she uses the "we're not together anymore" line a lot but when she wants something she uses the "we're not even divorced yet" crap. She doesn't work and she has no money and while she sort of looks for a job...her going out all hours partying and then getting home sometime the next afternoon does piss me off.....The whole thing is she has no money nor job and no other place to go so with the damn lease we are stuck here until July.....But I told her that she should pay something toward the rent....She was fine with that and started looking for a job..... but it's a half azz effort... She hasn't even interviewed anywhere even though she told me she had one this week..... At this point what makes me more pissed off is she has no job, no money, barely looks for one, and whenever her bf doesn't pay for her to see him(which is often) or another one of her friends isnt' around to drive her up there or somebody doesn't pay to put gas in her car(she got a cheap 1K car recently to drive around in...took out a loan..who knows how she got that money).....or one of her random dates isnt buying her drinks or food.........then she tries to play some manipulative game on me to get me to give her money or play some guilt trip or she threatens to cancel the divorce and fight for spousal support. RIght now we are getting divorced, no support, no nothing.. But anytime I don't drive her or give her money...she uses the threats...... So it's not just about jealousy.. Half the time it's more about she has no desire to have anything to do with me.....except for the fact half the time she acts like we are still married and expects me to support her....And then her friend yelled at me one time cause I wouldn't drive her up to see her bf...argument ensued and then her friend told me I needed to grow up.... Yeah I'm going to use my car and gas to drive her to go see this guy.....Call me immature if you like but I'm not doing that.
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