Hurt_and_Stuck Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 My ex and I dated for almost 5 years and have been broken up for 1 year and 4 months. To make a long story short, he broke up with me because he "needed to be single," and I later found out he had cheated on me. He dated the new girl for about a year, and even moved in with her. They broke up in August and shortly after, he started calling me. sometimes it seems like he just wants to be friends, like he needs someone to talk to/ keep him company I guess. Other times he talks about getting back together. He says that he made a huge mistake, that he still loves me, that we owe it to ourselves to give it another shot, and other such things. I did get the apology that I wanted for so long, and to be honest, it didn't change much. I still have so many hurt feelings toward him, and I haven't fully forgiven him for what he did, but the tough part is that I still care about him. I feel like it's my heart against my head, and I don't know which to listen to. Could he really have realized that he made a mistake and want to get back together? Or is he just lonely and looking for someone to fill the gap that she left behind? I am so confused, I just don't know what to think anymore. It took me so long to get over him (or at least what I thought was over him), and now I find myself feeling the same way I did months ago. I don't want to backtrack, but I don't want to maybe make a mistake and miss out on something that maybe could have been good the second time around. ANy advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
peteyj Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I've never been a believer in being the 'second choice' so to speak. So he chose to be with somebody else over you. He chose to move in with her and start a new life with her over you.. I don't know what you did but it seems you were the one hurt and stuck around hoping he'd wake up and realize what he had...Never happened though until a long time later.....a long time after he was with somebody else and who knows what happened in that relationship. I think it's easier to deal with a one nighter where your significant other cheated...It's still cheating but one night is far different than your significant other not only cheating but developing an entirely new intimate relationship with another person.. That really is a low blow... That's just a blatant attempt to tell you they really don't like you that much. It's an attempt to disrespect you. They picked somebody else over you...and if you've spent any significant time and years with this person...obviously something is wrong in the relationship.... When that happens I think it's stupid to ever consider getting back with that person.. They chose somebody else over you once and in due time they'll most likely do it again.. Either they are just lonely now or remember a few good things with you but in time the same feelings will come back............ If you want to be friends with him, fine...be friends. But the only thing you'll get out of going back with his is either disrespecting yourself because you will always have those doubts or you'll just be hurt once again....When somebody goes out of their way to pick another person over you after a long term relationship...then obviously they either never thought much of the relationship or thought there were too many issues in it to begin with.......And in due time those same feelings are going to come back..... When people want something to work, they make an attempt to work at it. They don't pick another person to be with just as much as they are with you and then claim you mean something to them.
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