Is it wrong to hold out for a looker?

[Tomcat33]

And then you have the females who knew from the get-go what the relationship was to begin with. And as soon as they toss their draws to a guy they first wanted as a FWB, they start catching feelings and blame the guy for goin casper because it wasn't in his agenda. Let's face it. Sometimes sex makes a chick act differently. They start slowly attaching themself to you and expect the same from you knowing damn well that there was a mutual agreement on just sex in the beginning. The guy is not to be blamed in those cases.

 

Of COURSE!! It happens the other way as well. There are men who spell it out for women and women have this weird notion that they will "change" him or magically make him fall in love with them somewhere down the line and that never happens. Once the guy has decides she will be nothing more than sex and companionship until someone better comes along, it seems there is no turning back from that. I have had g/fs that do that and I am the one telling them in the end "yeah but you knew this going in he spelled it out for you and we have discussed this all along, yet you chose to get involved anyway." Or worse yet they trick themselves into thinking they can do a friends with benefits, "a casual relationship" when they simply can't. And then they go back and do it all over again with the next guy.

 

But in that situation the cards are on the table she has the tools to make an educated decision, if she proceeds anyway that's her own stupidity or risk.

 

And "sometimes" women act differently? i would even say most the time we do. Sex for us is different than for you sex unleashes emotions for us where as for men sex is just a fun thing to do. BIG difference.

Ultimately and knowing this it is the woman's responsibility to give of herself when she feels it is going to be the right time, in terms of dealing with the aftermath.

 

 

Hmm, interesting. Guys who can only get laid is they pretend that they want relationship, you say? Maybe this happens more than I'm aware of, I haven't dated that much (but seems more trouble than it is worth it!). But even if so, what does it tell about the women who do get intimate with them "in hopes" of relationship, rather than out of attraction?

My point is that if a woman gets intimate with a guy for any "purpose" other than attraction, she too is misleading both him AND *herself*

 

Yes they do that they come on full force they want to spend a lot of time witht he woman saying and doing things that make her believe he wants a relationship then he gets suddenly cold and pulls a dissapearing act. I have read about those plenty of times here.

 

I am not saying a woman gets with a man ONLY for a relationship obviously she must be attracted to him, there are not a lot of women out there who get with men JUST to be in a rel. They exist I am sure just as women who have a goal to marry and so they settle for the first guy that comes along that offers security in terms of popping the question but these women are stupid they do themselves a disservice because once the "magic" of saying I am married is done the reality sets in, they are stuck with a man that is less than desirable to them and they are chained to a life of misery next to someone they moderately like.

 

So all I am saying is the difference between a creep and a guy who wants his needs met but can sleep with a clear conscience at night is the type of guy who will put it out there from the getgo I am not interested in a relationship and he doens't insist on spending a lot of time with the woman, even if it means killing the chance of getting laid or filling whatever void he is trying to fill, because the girl walks. That is fair.

 

With my current girlfriend i went through the "I'm not looking for anything serious" think (maybe after getting naked wasn't the best timing for this, but still), to "I like you but obviously I don't know how I feel about you yet", to seeing each other steadily, and hopefully (still) casually. The point is that I have enough reservations to see that this probably won't be a long-term thing, but, she's growing on me I still hope to be surprised. In the meantime, I keep enjoying her company (and booty ) Per your definition i'm a borderline "creep" (a very handsome one, I might add :laugh:.). If so, I can live with that.

The point is that true life interactions will almost never fall in the deception/usage boxes. You can be with someone and mislead yourself into believing that something serious will happen when it will not.

 

Of course people change, of course you DON'T know what you may be in for getting into dating someone that is totally understandable. Especially when it comes to guys, I think guys look for relationships far less than women do. So that is totally understandable that you would go into a date thinking this is good for now but not sure about long term until I know more. I am talking about the kinds of people that say "no this person JUST DOESN't do it for me and I want to wait for someone better" yet they go along anyway misleading because they want to fill a void.

I don't care how you slice it people know right away whether there is long term potential with someone or not. If you are attracted to someone and you find them intellectually stimulating chances are they will keep growing on you even though they may not be "perfectly your ideal match" but if it is someone that doesn't do it for you physcially and you find them interesting chances or the other way around chances are you know then and there you will not want to get to deeply involved with them.

 

It's happened to me with guys and I am sure it has happened to guys with me after a first date, so I could not look at myself in the mirror knowing I was dating and leading a man on thinking that there is a chance when I know there is not. But you see I don't have the necessitiy to get laid all the time like men do nor am I looking for a free dinner dates or entertainment. So for me it's easier to walk away and I don't need to resort to phoney misleading actions to get what I want. I will gladly just wait alone until the right guy comes along. That's the difference.

 

The bottom line is people have feelings no one has the right to use another human bieng just because they are naive or blind (or whatever the word is) they have the "inclination" to be used. You have to take a stance for what is right and be true to that no matter what the situation or what your needs are.

 

There are people who are clearly weaker than others, if you spot someone who is weaker than you it is just as much your duty not to harm them as it is their own duty not to let others harm them. If you follow that simple rule you can have a lot of fun and still look at yourself in the mirror.

The problem is that there are people who are in total denial.

[kashmir]

I don't really want to get into this debate about misleading others.

 

Please man, its about connections. I bagged a 24 year old Dominican broad who couldn't speak a lick of English when I was 19 in a 21 and up club. You gotta know people that know people mang!

 

Good for you dude. I lost my virginity to a flaming hot red head who was an animal in bed...too bad I was a virgin at the time or else I could have shown her a better time. By the next girl I slept with, though, I got it down pretty good.

 

Thing is though, I don't really want to invest that much time into getting connections. I've got other crap to worry about - school, my sport, music, etc. I really don't have time to schmooze with popular people and get in with that crowd, nor do I really want to. When I'm 21, I'll be able to go into bars and I'm confident that I'll be able to chat women up pretty well, including the stunning ones. I have all of my 20's to do that. As I said, no need to pressure myself to do it now.

[mr.dream merchant]

I don't really want to get into this debate about misleading others.

 

 

 

Good for you dude. I lost my virginity to a flaming hot red head who was an animal in bed...too bad I was a virgin at the time or else I could have shown her a better time. By the next girl I slept with, though, I got it down pretty good.

 

Thing is though, I don't really want to invest that much time into getting connections. I've got other crap to worry about - school, my sport, music, etc. I really don't have time to schmooze with popular people and get in with that crowd, nor do I really want to. When I'm 21, I'll be able to go into bars and I'm confident that I'll be able to chat women up pretty well, including the stunning ones. I have all of my 20's to do that. As I said, no need to pressure myself to do it now.

 

You're right. Just lettin you know that its VERY possible. Guys think older women are out of their league and that really isn't the case. I dunno, I could just be really attractive but I had plenty of my friends mom's all over my junk.

[Els]

Why are some people trying to convince the OP otherwise?

 

IMHO, let him have his fun. Lots of young men who have yet to mature think this way... and there's nothing wrong with that at so long as they don't go making lifelong promises to the women whom they only want for their looks, and for fun. Then, when he's had a few of those, and gone separate ways with them, possibly bitterly, because there was nothing much to begin with except looks, fun, and sex... he'll probably start placing weightage on deeper stuff other than looks -- he'll look at the person. No amount of convincing is going to make him change what he wants until he's had it and realizes that it's not all it's cracked up to be.

[kashmir]

Why are some people trying to convince the OP otherwise?

 

IMHO, let him have his fun. Lots of young men who have yet to mature think this way... and there's nothing wrong with that at so long as they don't go making lifelong promises to the women whom they only want for their looks, and for fun. Then, when he's had a few of those, and gone separate ways with them, possibly bitterly, because there was nothing much to begin with except looks, fun, and sex... he'll probably start placing weightage on deeper stuff other than looks -- he'll look at the person. No amount of convincing is going to make him change what he wants until he's had it and realizes that it's not all it's cracked up to be.

 

That's kind of what I'm getting at. A part of me knows that getting with a hot girl and having her go nuts for you really isn't as good as it seems, but in order to fully convince myself of that I feel like it has to happen.

[GoodOnPaper]

. . . Then, when he's had a few of those, and gone separate ways with them, possibly bitterly, because there was nothing much to begin with except looks, fun, and sex... he'll probably start placing weightage on deeper stuff other than looks -- he'll look at the person.

 

Going with someone for "deeper" qualities at the expense of looks, fun and sex isn't all it's cracked up to be, either.

 

K, go for it. You'll have no regrets in the long run.

[Jersey Shortie]

At the end of the day we are all human and we all want to be treated with respect. Hopefully we also treat others with respect as well. If you string people along, man or woman, or use them only for your benefit, I truly believe this comes back to bite you on the butt at some point in your life, at some time in different ways. Karma..God..I believe in all that.

 

I do not want to become so egocentric in myself that I only look out for what I want and need to have fun at the expense of a man. No man here wants a woman to treat him like that either. I hope in turn, other men consider how their actions impact others, and impact the woman in their life. Whether he thinks she is a worthy woman or not. Do not have fun at another's expense for your pleasure. That is a reflection on your low quality, not the person you are with low quality.

 

Women need to feel special, loved, beautiful and cared for. And unfortuntely, there are too many women that are willing to settle less for that in the moment for short term pleasure, and too many men willing to take advantage of that. Today we admire and praise a very junior way of life. No longer do we give credit to men or women who grow up and learn that playground antics are no longer acceptable.

 

There are good men out there that treat women as they would want to be treated. The OP is young and is still learning. However, this in no way excuses shoddy behavior from him or any other man or woman who understand the fundementals about treating others with respect.

 

When my grandfather was 20, he was in the war, he was married and he acted like a man. Today's young men and women are spoiled, self indulgent and greedy. This carry's on over to how they treat each other unfortunetly. I see it all the time. We treat young adults like children who are allowed to get away with grown up activities. Using/playing and having fun with other people should not be taken lightly. They are not a sports car that you can zip around for your pleasure or a new pair of shoes you can slip on and trot all over until the heel falls off. I think we forget that other people deserve the same respect, consideration and fair treatment that we want for ourselves.

 

Too often on loveshack I read about posts from men and women, about what they want, need and how they wish to get it. The happiness, the sadness, the bitterness the attitude "I'll get them/use them before they use me"..... Said with a glib smile about how fantastic, handsome, funny, smart, what a huge rooster they have, sparking boobs...etc etc etc. I think a little humbleness could do some good. And a little confidence could do others just as good.

 

If men and women treated each other more of how they wanted to be treated themselves and less used the other for their own benefits (Example: men for sex and women for money), there would be alot less bitterness, resentment and stone walling that we often see here between the sexes.

 

And that concludes my sunday reflective posting. Not that it will do any good. I jsut wish more people considered how they treated the others in their life instead of considering what *they* *get* out of someone.