kashmir Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 It seems like every time I meet a girl who's interested in me, she isn't good enough looks-wise. I feel so shallow. This girl I met recently is really into me, has a pretty face, and has a lot in common with me, but she's a bit big. It usually seems to be this way, where the girl will either have the face or the body but not both. I feel like if I take a certain girl then I'll miss out on opportunities with prettier girls. It seems like any other guy gets access to hot girls, so it makes me not want to settle for anything less (and when I say settle, I mean it lightly...as lightly as just a hookup, not as a long-term partner). It really doesn't take a lot to satisfy me looks-wise either...a lot of girls I see I find attractive, but they're never into me...only the ones I find moderately attractive at best. Ahhh, it's so frustrating.
redant Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Well how do you look? Hot girls usually go for hot guys or guys who have alot of money. If you are ok looking you may have to be happy with an ok looking girl. I think that is how it goes.
movingonandon Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Well, nothing wrong with prioritising hott if that matters to you a lot. For myself, I can say that I am less and less easily mesmerized by incredibly hot girls, and so would not make a big deal of finding one for myself. Over time, I've found average girls with great attitude to be more attractive than ones that are just hott, but not necessarily with a such a good attitude/character --> of course, that happens too, but not that often - so your search could be a bit longer and more complicated, but, you could get lucky. The other thing to consider is that even if you end up with the hottest person on the planet, after 2 years or so you will get used to them and not necessarily find them as attractive, so you will need to work on tricking your braing back into "it" anyway. As far as I'm concerned any healthy girl that has no apparent facial or bodily disfiguration, and doesn't weight more than 130 lbs or so is attractive enough . Also, remember the re-occuring discussions of hott vs. cute :). Cute is a lot more versatile than hott, and a lot more welcomming for being squished on the couch, under the blankey
zenith Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 don't worry, bro just date ppl and have fun! eventually you will come across 'the one'
fromfaraway Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 ---Is it wrong to hold out for a looker? What do you mean with wrong ? Moraly wrong? No you have not killed anybody! Strategically wrong? Very likely. Let me tell you a story from back home, and make with it whatever you like. There was once a princess. She was about to enter a garden to pick up a flower. There is a condition. When someone walks in this garden, one can only go in one direction and will not have a chance to get to the same point again. So as soon as she walked into the garden she saw a beautiful flower, but she started to find faults with it. She cast it away because she felt she may find a better flower as she walks more. She also felt she was entitled to that. She kept walking but she kept soing the same thing with every single flower she found until she left the garden missing out on getting a flower. The garden is a metaphor for life, and the princess is a metaphor for us in the modern world. I wish you the very best in your quest. But if you go onto a quest without having a clear idea about what "better" exactly means than you will need more than luck and my sincere wishes to have it!
Lucky555 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I consider myself an attractive girl. have dated VERY attractive guys and now I'm much more open to men in general who maybe be considered "unattractive" by others. Now that I am looking for a "great guy" with goals I have learned that Looks are not everything because even if they are or are not attractive they can still be totally wrong for me. I guess I am dating and open to possibilities because I am tired of not "finding the right guy for me" I do want to be attracted to the guy meaning there must be chemistry but I have taken more time to get to know a guy to determine if hes worth my time. So I don't think its wrong not like unattractive girls but if also depends what your looking for in a relationship and what you want in life.
AlektraClementine Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I don't know how to answer this question with any absolutes or certainty but let me tell you my experience. From about the age of 17 to 30 I had somewhat of a standard though I wouldn't necessarily say that I knew specifically what that was. Just suffice it to say, I was a looker chaser. I equated looks with attractiveness. Most of my boyfriends in the past met the standard of good looking by all societal standards. That's a very loose definition but you're intelligent. You know what I mean Kashmir. I have been blown over completely by my current boyfriend. To describe him simply, he is overweight (by any standard), has a funny nose, somewhat bug eyes, etc.. you see where I'm going. I have never in my entire life been so attracted to any one person. Man he does it for me, to say the least. He's got confidence. He's got soul. He's got masculinity. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I knew him for a few months and knew of him for a few years prior to asking him out. That's right, I asked HIM out. I was drawn to him and there was no amount of doubt in my mind or caution from my friends (they all thought I'd break his heart) that could stop me from eventually asking him for a date. Fast forward to now? I'm butt crazy in love with him and there isn't a "good looking" guy anywhere around that could tempt me away from him. My point is, you never can predict who you will be attracted to. Try loosening your definition of attractive a bit more. Or just give some time. Go after the classically pretty girls until you either end up in love with one or end up in love with someone more "normal" looking. Just try not to classify so much. I got my heart broken by a lot of "lookers". Am I broken as a result? No. But I can tell you from experience that looks DO NOT equal happiness.
JerseyShortie Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 That's because men have such unrealistic standards of beauty today, just your normal pretty girl doesn't cut it anymore. Men need surgically enhanced, photoshopped, never aging models to continually feed on to feel good about themselves. The effects shift their perception of real women. Real women aren't good enough for men anymore. It's not enough to be a pretty normal healthy girl. Now you have to have fake hair, fake nails, make up, fake boobs..etc etc. SO you can have an average guy that isn't so good in the looks department himself and he still thinks he deserves a supermodel. And they rather spend their days masturbating to porn that put any effort into a real woman. They rather put more value into a fake perfect image then an imperfect real woman.
pandagirl Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 There's nothing wrong to want to be with someone you are attracted to. Duh! BUT, to the OP, you're putting too much emphasis on looks. Ideally, a person becomes more and more attractive to you because of who they are, not what they look like. You can have the hottest girl in the world and end up being disgusted by her personality. Then what?
Trialbyfire Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Kashmir, you can hold out for whatever you want. As long as you're okay to limit your dating pool, it's your choice!
Dumbledore Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Hot girls usually go for hot guys or guys who have alot of money. Very true. And the reasons are pretty obvious. It's so their babies have the best shot at either being extremely attractive (and therefore get a free ride in life), or get the best education that money can buy.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 My "hottest" boyfriend made me feel the worst. The boyfriend who most would consider average but I considered gorgeous treated me with more love and respect than anyone else I've been with, and he is still my friend today. I know that if things get really tough, I can count on him.
Charles1978 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 There's nothing wrong with holding out, but that does subside over time. I usually date attractive girls, but my latest interest isn't the looker. Don't get me wrong... she is attractive and gets attention, but my friends tell me I can do better. But just in the past year or so, I've realized that "doing better' is irrelevant. In the end, it is about the connection and the person than anything else. And another thing that I used to think was BS, but now I can vouch for is that people become more and more attractive to you the more you connect with them. I can remember meeting this girl for the first time, and I didn't even look twice... I was not immediately attracted to her. But once I got to know her, she became more attractive to me... and this continues everytime I see her. She's just a great person.
GoodOnPaper Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I agree. As you get older, you learn more about the specific personality qualities and physical features that attract you, and these may or may not perfectly align with society's definition of "hot". So Kashmir, while you are waiting around, why not try to get to know a few of these "moderately" attractive women? Any experience you get -- even just 1st dates -- will help you learn more about yourself and women.
D-Jam Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Well how do you look? Hot girls usually go for hot guys or guys who have alot of money. If you are ok looking you may have to be happy with an ok looking girl. I think that is how it goes. I agree here. My experiences with "hot" girls has been they are full of baggage/issues, are never loyal to a guy (they're always looking to "upgrade"), and tend to pursue bad boys. Many of them also tend to never go to college and make something of their lives, but more prioritize "looking hot", partying, and finding a man to marry and take care of them. I'm not generalizing here either. My girlfriend is beautiful in my book, but she's not some model. She doesn't have a flawless face, perfect hair, toned curvy body with big breasts. She's pretty, fun, sweet, and wonderful to me though...which is why I see her as beautiful. I think it's ok to have a few "musts" when it comes to physical features on someone. Mine was that she MUST not be fat, but other things like breast size, hair length, hair color, etc...are just not as important to me. Think in term of that kashmir. If weight is very important to you, then make other physical things optional.
lovestruck818 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 It seems like every time I meet a girl who's interested in me, she isn't good enough looks-wise. I feel so shallow. This girl I met recently is really into me, has a pretty face, and has a lot in common with me, but she's a bit big. It usually seems to be this way, where the girl will either have the face or the body but not both. I feel like if I take a certain girl then I'll miss out on opportunities with prettier girls. It seems like any other guy gets access to hot girls, so it makes me not want to settle for anything less (and when I say settle, I mean it lightly...as lightly as just a hookup, not as a long-term partner). It really doesn't take a lot to satisfy me looks-wise either...a lot of girls I see I find attractive, but they're never into me...only the ones I find moderately attractive at best. Ahhh, it's so frustrating. I'm with ya. Big is gross...and if you're not hot, I'm not wasting my time with you. Hot women want to be with hot men & vice versa. It's really that simple, people...
Author kashmir Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Let me make something clear. I'm NOT looking for "the one." I'm not even looking for a serious relationship. I know for certain that there will be other girls. What I'm asking is, should I go with a girl I'm moderately attracted to and see where it takes me, or should I keep waiting until a really stunning girl shows up? Here's what I'm thinking: Say I pursue this girl, we like each other, we get closer emotionally, kiss, and eventually have sex. I'm attracted to her, but not like I am with other girls. Say she eventually wants to be bf/gf, but I'm not sure since I feel like I can find someone I'm more attracted to. I'll be stuck in an odd situation since I don't want to hurt her. On the other hand, I feel that if I do get somewhere with a moderately attractive girl, I'll feel much better about myself and my confidence will skyrocket. I want that to happen, but I don't want to use this girl for my own means. That's just selfish. I'm thinking of just going with her and seeing what happens - what I feel and how I see her. I might really like her and shut out all other girls, or I might get involved with her and then get tempted by others who are more attractive. I don't know. I'll deal with that later.
flc Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I think it is absolutely critical that you are physically attracted to your partner if you want things to work. But this just means the person is hot to you not necessarily the entire world. If you want a good relationship then make sure you get your needs met on all levels, if you don't you will have doubts and that will eat at the relationship at some point. As for sleeping with women you have no plans for LTR with that is up to you, if there are no promises or assumptions then why not, but I do find that in most cases someone will get hurt. This is why I never do ONS, just not worth the emotional issues that may arise.
CommitmentPhobe Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Why dont you just have fun going for someone you're attracted to and stop thinking about it so much? Does it really matter hot/not hot/big boobs/small boobs.. it's always the whole package that counts, not just one thing.
GoodOnPaper Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Say I pursue this girl, we like each other, we get closer emotionally, kiss, and eventually have sex. I'm attracted to her, but not like I am with other girls. Say she eventually wants to be bf/gf, but I'm not sure since I feel like I can find someone I'm more attracted to. I'll be stuck in an odd situation since I don't want to hurt her. So you break it off when you get to a point when you are not ready to commit. It's good to be sensitive to your partner's feelings, but ultimately, her feelings are not your responsibility -- just don't promise things you can't deliver. Learning how to end relationships is very important. You don't want to be the one that's always dumped (speaking from experience) -- your dating market value is in the gutter if that's the case.
prettybaby Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Could it be that because you find a girl a bit less attractive, you suddenly feel less pressure and unconsciously behave in a totally relaxed way around her? Hence average looking girls feeling a better vibe about you and expressing more attraction towards you? When you a see a girl you find pretty, do you tense up a little more than around average girls?
reservoirdog1 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 You can hold out for a looker. There are ways to do that; there's a whole culture of pickup artists who can, supposedly, get any woman they want. But the truth is, if you put aside THAT approach for a moment, looks only matter somewhat. What's vitally important is chemistry. And there's basically no way to predict who you'll have that with. A few years ago, I went on a date with a woman I'd met online. When she opened her door and I saw her for the first time, my initial thought was "hmm, not QUITE as nice looking as she was in her photo." But we went out anyway, and the chemistry was unbefyckinglievable. We were sitting at a square table having drinks (sitting at adjacent sides, not opposite sides). At one point our hands touched and there was this little spark of electricity we both commented on. Kept our fingers intertwined for the next few minutes, faces gradually drifting closer and closer together. Finally I said to her "I'm finding it really hard to not kiss you right now." She indicated she'd like that, and we kissed, fairly gently. But her stated response to that was "wow". We would have slept together that night had we not decided to step back and let "cooler heads" prevail. A few nights later we sealed the deal. The point of all this is, you will probably be very pleasantly surprised a few times who you hit it off with. The episode I decribed was a few years ago, but I still remember the chemistry and the interaction and still get a charge from it. If there's anything I'm holding out for, it's a repeat of THAT... whoever it may be with.
D-Jam Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Let me make something clear. I'm NOT looking for "the one." I'm not even looking for a serious relationship. So what are you looking for then? Fun and sex only? Nothing wrong with that, but bear in mind that many people out there are seeking a future spouse more than just a "good time for now". If all you want is a "good time for now", then by all means wait for a looker. Why waste your time on someone you're "eh" about if you want to get laid? Hold out and shoot for the girls you really want to nail. Just be honest with them though if you see they are wanting more than you're willing to give. There is a price one pays for wanting a non-commitment life.
Girlygirl1977 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 So what are you looking for then? Fun and sex only? Nothing wrong with that, but bear in mind that many people out there are seeking a future spouse more than just a "good time for now". If all you want is a "good time for now", then by all means wait for a looker. Why waste your time on someone you're "eh" about if you want to get laid? Hold out and shoot for the girls you really want to nail. Just be honest with them though if you see they are wanting more than you're willing to give. There is a price one pays for wanting a non-commitment life. oh man your post hits a nerve after my recent episode with a non-commitment oriented person. . . Btw - how did you meet your gf? I'm envious of your relationship. I hate casual dating.
Recommended Posts