amerikajin Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Last night she contacted me for the first time in over a month. I kept the conversation very simple and I wouldnt have even responded if she wouldn't have told me her grandpa was sick. I asked about him and told her I wished her family the best but she had no right to contact me and I didn't know what she expects from me. I told her I knew of her new relationship and she should be talking to him about this and not me. She never really acknowledged it so I dont know. She said she loves me and always will no matter what I think but I didn't give it a second thought and I just ended the conversation. I dont really know what to take from her contacting me 2 days after she made it "official" with this new guy. I dont know where to go or what to do. I feel bad because now I have to go back to no contact and I'm upset I just didnt reply but if I wouldnt have replyed I would have regretted it in the long run I think. It's okay, the temptation to pick up the phone and talk is strong. But stay strong and resist it. Next time she calls, just politely tell her that you need to have space, that maybe one day you two can reconnect but now is not that time. Be polite but firm. Of course some people will point out that you don't have to be so graceful about it, but it's better if you are. You'll feel like you're more in control of yourself that way. Don't talk to her until you've already moved well on with your life. That's probably at least 6 months or more from now, and perhaps a year or more.
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I dont really know what to take from her contacting me 2 days after she made it "official" with this new guy. It means she’s not ready to take any relationship seriously at this point in her life. It means the issues that led to your breakup are her’s rather than yours. Particularly since she isn’t treating the new guy any differently than she treated you. It means you can stop looking to find fault or reason in something you did or didn’t do. It means the new guy isn’t a better man than you ... but better it be him (or some other poor guy) stuck dealing with this little girl’s drama and head games instead of you. Keep moving forward and don’t look back!
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 I actually felt better in the way that I handled the situation. I made it sound like I'm doing fine without her and that I am far passed the "I want you back" stage. At no point did I make it sound like I wanted her back or that I really cared she was in a new relationship, other than the fact that I knew she was in one without her having to tell me. That's how I took it but from an outsiders perspective what do you guys think?
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I actually felt better in the way that I handled the situation. I made it sound like I'm doing fine without her and that I am far passed the "I want you back" stage. At no point did I make it sound like I wanted her back or that I really cared she was in a new relationship, other than the fact that I knew she was in one without her having to tell me. That's how I took it but from an outsiders perspective what do you guys think? man, I think that is all we have left to be honest. What else are we going to do. Just sit around blubbering and begging for them to take us back? Hell no. We HAVE to be strong and even if we are not we have to pretend like we are over them 100%, we cant let the bitches win. You have to maintain a facade of strength and stick with it. If anything it'll make them want YOU back and then you can be the one in control and tell them to **** off.
backspn Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 She is not over you, she is just jumping into another relationship to mask her pain and try and forget about you. You are dealing with your pain now and she will face the pain down the road, you can count on that. Take care of yourself and go complete and instant NC. Do not stay in contact. Show her your strong and can overcome this. Good luck man I have been there. My ex jumped into another relationship right after us. I played it cool, kept contact to a minimum. She called me, I never called her. She will realize what she has in you IF you do not contact her. Let me repeat, DO NOT contact her. If she contacts you, keep it brief and short, you are living your life just fine without her. She doesn't need to know you are miserable. He is a rebound, a transition, it wont last. Play it cool and work on yourself. Something in the relationship made her stop being attracted to you, now is the time to find out for yourself. As soon as I was away from my ex for a few months, I became more confident and she found that attractive. Long story short, I have her back and we doing better than ever. Yes, you can get your ex back, if you want to.
kizik Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Beware: the quoted parts contain much bad advice. She will realize what she has in you IF you do not contact her. There is no sure thing in life, such as "someone will realize something." Chances are this girl doesn't care about him enough to realize anything. He is a rebound, a transition, it wont last. How do you know? I understand that you are trying to assure the OP, but you're treading dangerous territory by giving him false hope. It very well could last, and the OP needs to write this girl off, especially now that she has a new guy. Something in the relationship made her stop being attracted to you, now is the time to find out for yourself. Nope. It's unhealthy, self-defeating, self-esteem-losing thinking for the OP to focus on what was unattractive about him in the relationship. It's not about finding out what he did that was unattractive in an attempt to change said thing and win her back. It's about realizing how bad she made him feel during the relationship, and that he does not deserve this kind of treatment. She's with someone else. The more he cares and pushes and tries to get her away from the new guy, the more she will instinctively hate the OP. All you can do is leave people alone. We call this No Contact. And the reason you do it is to regain the elements of yourself that you lost in the relationship, and to realize that life does exist without them.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I honestly don't think I want her back. I see what kind of person she is now and if she's going to be a girl who can cheat on someone she "loves" then she's not a good person. I feel connected to her because we were each others firsts and I dont really know if that is why I think about being with her in the future. But now that she's with someone else there's nothing I can do about it and I realize that now. WHat I was struggling with before was thinking she didn't care about me anymore. But after she messaged me last night proves that she still does and that gives me a little bit of power back that I thought I had lost. And also the fact that when something bad happened she came to me instead of the new guy makes me believe either A) it isn't all that serious and he is just a rebound or B) She still wants something from me because she can't have me.
OCCDAVE Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I honestly don't think I want her back. I see what kind of person she is now and if she's going to be a girl who can cheat on someone she "loves" then she's not a good person. I feel connected to her because we were each others firsts and I dont really know if that is why I think about being with her in the future. But now that she's with someone else there's nothing I can do about it and I realize that now. WHat I was struggling with before was thinking she didn't care about me anymore. But after she messaged me last night proves that she still does and that gives me a little bit of power back that I thought I had lost. And also the fact that when something bad happened she came to me instead of the new guy makes me believe either A) it isn't all that serious and he is just a rebound or B) She still wants something from me because she can't have me.I know how you feel bro my gf of 3 years was so in love with me or so i thought.Heck the night before we broke up we went ring shopping and she told me to pop the question soon.Then bam next day stay away from me and my kids and by the next week she had a new guy,I didnt believe this new bf was true till i saw both of them all over each other at the mall how sick.But just remember this is the same girl who said she wanted a future with me ugh anyway like everyone said go nc cause if our exes are that quick to replace us then thats not who we wanna be with.Ive now gone a month nc and trust me i understand i still question how can someone i gave so much to just get rid of me like that .
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 Now I have to start NC all over again and that upsets me. But I think the way I handled it was good. But with her being with someone else makes me believe she can't be alone. I dont know if I still hold onto hope or if I just dont want to see her happy. I just dont know
durotto Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I have been there. My ex jumped into another relationship right after us. I played it cool, kept contact to a minimum. She called me, I never called her. She will realize what she has in you IF you do not contact her. Let me repeat, DO NOT contact her. If she contacts you, keep it brief and short, you are living your life just fine without her. She doesn't need to know you are miserable. He is a rebound, a transition, it wont last. Play it cool and work on yourself. Something in the relationship made her stop being attracted to you, now is the time to find out for yourself. As soon as I was away from my ex for a few months, I became more confident and she found that attractive. Long story short, I have her back and we doing better than ever. Yes, you can get your ex back, if you want to. Good for you that you got back .. my ex has moved on and says that this new one is the True One and is the one for life .. and knowing her I guess that she really wants this to be the one .. Sad I know but ... you have to accept it ..
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 But the thing is I dont know how she feels about me. She says she loves me and always will but if that's the way you honor someone you love and you cared for then why would I want to get back with her. But then again I can chalk it up to a learning experience if she ever would want to come back. She's young and I've been her only real true boyfriend. We were each others firsts in a lot of things. But then someone came along and kissed her and she chose that road instead of the one she was already on. Am I an idiot for thinking maybe someday I would take her back? Am I really thinking I would take her back because we could be happy or is it because it's easier to be with her than without her?
LostLamb Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I think it is really dangerous thinking that an ex's new relationship is just a rebound and you can get them back if you want to. To the person who got their ex back and is now happy-congratulations , but this is rare
SRV Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Take it as a lesson learnt. If she left you for someone else, she will eventually do it to him, is this someone you want in your life? Human behavior in and itself is to an extent predictable. I always advise that never go out with a girl/boy that will leave their current SO for you, because after not too long you will be the one left. Either way, time heals, best of luck.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 But Am I stupid for thinking she might one day want to come back. She's in a brand new relationship and she gets ahold of me after a month of no contact. I am somewhat confused by it. Maybe there's nothing behind it at all but I think that would be too simple. I dont know how I feel about her. I figure out what I think of her one day then the next it's completely different
LostLamb Posted January 16, 2009 Posted January 16, 2009 But Am I stupid for thinking she might one day want to come back. She's in a brand new relationship and she gets ahold of me after a month of no contact. I am somewhat confused by it. Maybe there's nothing behind it at all but I think that would be too simple. I dont know how I feel about her. I figure out what I think of her one day then the next it's completely different You're not stupid at all , you are confused and hurt. My ex has new girl but a part of me still wants him back. Some LS posters can be too logical - you are only human . Only she knows why she got back in touch with you
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 16, 2009 Author Posted January 16, 2009 How do I keep her from my head. Before I thought I was doing good. But now I'm constantly thinking about it. All the time. I dont know if it's the social pressures of being in a relaitonship or what but I dont know why I'm constantly thinking about her and also thinking about getting with her in the future.
Recommended Posts