Man Settles Down with One Woman and Not Another

[boxing123]

T

Men can't be lumped into one category, and neither can women. Some men appreciate an athletic, sports loving, hot wings and beer eating girl. Others like them to appreciate scifi and Warcraft. Others admire the ladies who can debate the merits of Obama's infrastructure plan. Others are into women who can use a blow torch to solder a cracked pipe or to carmelize a creme brulee. And on and on, ad infinitum.

 

 

Nora, I likes your post but..

 

I think you do not understand how men date.

 

Men are not that picky AT ALL.. This is what it comes down to.

 

1. You must meet a girl you are attracted to. She also must fit some basic criteria. Age, if she has children or not, not a drug user, and wants to be in a relationship WITH YOU.

 

So that's about it.

 

I fell in love with, and dated women with many different interests. I never had one type, or cared what their hobbies were. Some wrote poetry, some were artists, some worked out a lot, some love country music.

 

I do however, have to eat 3 times a day for the rest of my life. So does everyone. My mother cooked and stayed home. that is why none of us were ever, and are still are not 1 lb overweight. I never at processed junk, McDonalds, or Pizza even once until I was 18.

 

That is what men NEED, and once with a woman like that, it is hard for them to convert back to women whom do not cook or take care of them. Some young guys simply never know any better. But if a woman can, and enjoys doing selfless things like cooking, men from all spectrums will think twice before leaving that woman.

 

A woman whom makes a great girlfriend is not the same as woman who would make a great wife and mother. Thus why some men marry others quickly, and date others for years.

[zicke]

Boxing, I stand by my initial assertion that you are twenties or immature 30's. You just completely contradicted yourself.1st, men are picky, and you had better fit the standard, and now, men aren't picky, as long as you cook, look good and are nice, he'll consider you. Which is it?

 

If I wanted to get married, I would have done so. (I have been proposed to more than once) I find no benefit in marriage for myself. Why tie myself to one man legally? What is the benefit to me? I can see the benefits for a man in marriage, none for me.

 

You can argue all you want with me that men only want to have sex with me that's why they ask me out, doesn't really bother or offend me. I love men, and love having sex with my special man. It doesn't bother me that maybe some men don't want to marry me. How can I be bothered by something I don't want?

 

I don't really care that I am getting older. I look great for my age, I'm in shape, funny, smart, loving, successful. A younger woman really has no advantage over me as far as I am concerned. I wouldn't want to be 22 again for anything.

 

What you are not getting is that women have just as much advantage as men, and women don't need to cowtow to what you think a woman should be. A woman can be very feminine and not want to get married or have kids. It is not the end all be all for everyone.

[boxing123]

Boxing, I stand by my initial assertion that you are twenties or immature 30's. You just completely contradicted yourself.1st, men are picky, and you had better fit the standard, and now, men aren't picky, as long as you cook, look good and are nice, he'll consider you. Which is it?

 

If I wanted to get married, I would have done so. (I have been proposed to more than once) I find no benefit in marriage for myself. Why tie myself to one man legally? What is the benefit to me? I can see the benefits for a man in marriage, none for me.

 

You can argue all you want with me that men only want to have sex with me that's why they ask me out, doesn't really bother or offend me. I love men, and love having sex with my special man. It doesn't bother me that maybe some men don't want to marry me. How can I be bothered by something I don't want?

 

I don't really care that I am getting older. I look great for my age, I'm in shape, funny, smart, loving, successful. A younger woman really has no advantage over me as far as I am concerned. I wouldn't want to be 22 again for anything.

 

What you are not getting is that women have just as much advantage as men, and women don't need to cowtow to what you think a woman should be. A woman can be very feminine and not want to get married or have kids. It is not the end all be all for everyone.

 

Yeah, well who really cares if you feel I am immature. I certainly do not.

 

If you do not want to get married then don't. Once again, who cares. I am thinking this thread is for women whom might actually want to get married.

 

And you are right. If you want to live a solitary life, never have a family, and never bond with someone of the opposite sex as you are in some sort of arrested development, then you have to do nothing..

[anne1707]

Yeah, well who really cares if you feel I am immature. I certainly do not.

 

If you do not want to get married then don't. Once again, who cares. I am thinking this thread is for women whom might actually want to get married.

 

And you are right. If you want to live a solitary life, never have a family, and never bond with someone of the opposite sex as you are in some sort of arrested development, then you have to do nothing..

 

Boxing

 

When are you going to realise that you do not have all men and women figured out? When are you going to realise that we do not fit in to this dated, sexist structure of the man being in charge of the relationship dictating to the submissive little wife about what she should do - cook now, clean now, fetch my newspaper now, sex now,... It is an incredibly immature attitude and you consistently ignore people's questions about your age (curious).

 

As it is I totally understand and agree with Zicke's post (although I am married). I am in my forties, have a successful career, am well educated, healthy, attractive, funny, confident and would not want to be in my twenties again. I do not need a man in my life to make it work and to be happy. My H also does not expect me to run around after him - I work just as hard as him so why should he. He wants an equal, not a servant.

[iceis44]

bahhahah my point EXACTLY 10 minutes doesnt even get the hot box off of preheat in ANY situation, cooking or otherwise!

[Geishawhelk]

Boxing

 

When are you going to realise that you do not have all men and women figured out? When are you going to realise that we do not fit in to this dated, sexist structure of the man being in charge of the relationship dictating to the submissive little wife about what she should do - cook now, clean now, fetch my newspaper now, sex now,... It is an incredibly immature attitude and you consistently ignore people's questions about your age (curious).

 

As it is I totally understand and agree with Zicke's post (although I am married). I am in my forties, have a successful career, am well educated, healthy, attractive, funny, confident and would not want to be in my twenties again. I do not need a man in my life to make it work and to be happy. My H also does not expect me to run around after him - I work just as hard as him so why should he. He wants an equal, not a servant.

 

I've found out his age.

He's 14.

 

It's just such fun to watch the fall-out spew. The entertainment factor alone is priceless.

I wonder if his mother knows he comes on here....?

[anne1707]

I've found out his age.

He's 14.

 

It's just such fun to watch the fall-out spew. The entertainment factor alone is priceless.

I wonder if his mother knows he comes on here....?

 

Do you think he has to get permission from her? Maybe she has sent him to clean his bedroom.

[boxing123]

Yeah yeah...

 

 

Funny, read most of these threads. The women still have "outdated and old fashioned" ideas as to how important it is for a man to make a good living..

[Geishawhelk]

At 14, you still have time to think about what you want to do.

In the meantime, a paper-delivery round is a great idea!

[anne1707]

Or you could offer to wash the neigbours' cars

[zicke]

Yeah, well who really cares if you feel I am immature. I certainly do not.

 

If you do not want to get married then don't. Once again, who cares. I am thinking this thread is for women whom might actually want to get married.

 

And you are right. If you want to live a solitary life, never have a family, and never bond with someone of the opposite sex as you are in some sort of arrested development, then you have to do nothing..

 

Not getting married doesn't automatically make a woman a "cat-lady" who dies alone and never "bonds" with someone of the opposite sex. Not wanting to get married doesn't mean that I am living some sort of teenager's dream. It means that I decided marriage most likely isn't for me. I have a partner, I bond with my partner, but I don't need to marry him to feel bonded to him. Also, settling down doesn't mean marriage, it mean making a commitment. There are many married couples who barely have a commitment to each other. I would rather be committed within my heart, not by a legal act that is keeping me there.

 

I have a family, one that I was born into and one that I chose. Having kids doesn't mean that I am going to die old, alone and eaten by my 20 cats.

[clv0116]

I somewhat agree with this, thought I have an issue with one thing. Why do you consider being feminine and cooking as being unequal? You want a woman who cooks and is feminine yet you consider that to be beneath you. Why wouldn't you look at a woman who cherishes you and likes to cook for you as your equal?

 

Well this wasn't directed at me but I will answer anyway. Mazel Tov.

 

Cooking isn't the only thing, I started this ruckus way back on the first page where I said this:

 

.... Men are wired to respond to a woman who behaves in what is often referred to as a 'traditional female role' and like it or not, that wiring isn't gonna change any time soon. ....

 

And as a simplified Sparks Notes version, this:

 

Shorthand version: Learn to cook.

 

 

The question was essentially "Why did he marry her after breaking up with me?"

 

 

The answer as is often the case lies in the question. Why would a successful well spoken and generally attractive man get married? One reason swamps all others - to start a family.

 

A good solid family generally needs a full time home maker, which is beneath no one and is an incredibly honorable and important job. The woman in that scenario is gonna have huge chunks of earning time taken from her by simple biological facts of life, so the man will assume, probably rightly, that he must be the primary breadwinner.

 

Now that leaves 2 options. Either he can do both jobs, home maker and bread winner, or she can become a housewife. Which seems most appealing do you think?

 

 

 

..... this dated, sexist structure of the man being in charge of the relationship dictating to the submissive little wife about what she should do - cook now, clean now, fetch my newspaper now, sex now .....

 

This is a perverse and twisted view of a submissive role. If you marry a jackass then sure maybe so, but a good man would not treat the woman he loves this way. No one in this thread has promoted that, and I wouldn't want to live like that. Submission is about respect and leadership among other things, not micromanagement and abuse.

 

Stop making this sort of silly strawman argument.

[Geishawhelk]

A good solid family generally needs a full time home maker, which is beneath no one and is an incredibly honorable and important job. The woman in that scenario is gonna have huge chunks of earning time taken from her by simple biological facts of life, so the man will assume, probably rightly, that he must be the primary breadwinner.

 

Unfortunately Life contrives to not work like that.

There are very few jobs that will afford people a sufficiently high salary to ensure that just one person holds a job, whilst the other stays at home. (Notice I say "person". There are such things as house-husbands....) Some. But not amny.

Therefore it often happens that both members have to work, in order to earn a sufficiently high collective sum to ensure they can comfortably enjoy the life they have chosen to lead.

 

Now that leaves 2 options. Either he can do both jobs, home maker and bread winner, or she can become a housewife. Which seems most appealing do you think?

 

Or she can go to work, and he can stay at home and look after thie kids.

It happens.....

 

 

This is a perverse and twisted view of a submissive role.

Yes. but unfortunately also relatively realistic.

When WWII ended, and all our Tommies came home, the shift in domesticity had taken its toll, and women were reluctant to relinquish the roles and jobs they had so effectvely carried out for 5 years, and give them back to the men and return to the Kitchen sink.

It cause an aggressive and irreversible schism in the traditionally held view of the family. It was the beginning of the end for the family unit, and the true and relentless roll of Emancipation and Women's Lib.

Domestic violence rose alarmingly, and the first hostels to protect women from assault, opened in London in 1946.

They soon became dangerously over-crowded.

 

My grandmother worked in one, and was assaulted no less than 17 times by angry, aggressive and violent ex-soldiers seeking their wives and demanding they return hom to their proper place. On many occasions, women had no choice. The Law was on the side of men, for a long time after that.

Rape, for example, only became illegal in a marriage, in 1991.

 

There are still many men today who hold this view, and whose opinions need reviewing, drmatically.....

 

If you marry a jackass then sure maybe so, but a good man would not treat the woman he loves this way.

 

A good man would pitch in and help with the chores, especially if there are children involved. It takes 2 to tango.....

 

No one in this thread has promoted that, and I wouldn't want to live like that. Submission is about respect and leadership among other things,

"Submission"....? SUBMISSION - ?? Oh give me a break! Submission has nothing to do with Respect and ledership - on a military base, or a naval Aircraft carrier, perhaps! But in a relationship? Are you having a laugh....??

 

not micromanagement and abuse.

What's this supposed to mean....?

 

Stop making this sort of silly strawman argument.

 

And you stop talking out of your Maximus profundis.

[clv0116]

Interesting article by a career woman who is rethinking her life choices at 37.

 

 

This month the General Household Survey found that the number of unmarried women under 50 has more than doubled over the past 30 years.

[Trialbyfire]

One woman dissatisfied with her life choices, blaming her mother and society, doesn't cover all women.

 

It's like taking all of Woggles posts on LS and saying that he represents all men.

 

Btw, 34 years old, had 5 marriage proposals, turned down 4, married one then divorced him, am currently in a great relationship with a wonderful man. This includes having and maintaining a kick-arse career, one that affords me great satisfaction and is quite lucrative.

 

I have no regrets to this point in my life. Maybe I'll have children, maybe I won't. Only time will tell. If I don't, it will be my choice not to have them, not because it's my mommy, daddy or society's fault.

 

Whiners...

[Els]

Look, boxing, you said "I want home-cooked food each meal of the day". Has it occured to you that some OTHER men don't MIND either eating out sometimes, cooking together, or, *gasp* hiring a maid? In fact, if cooking's such a big issue to you (a need, not a nice thing that your partner does for you sometimes), wouldn't it serve you better to hire a maid instead? Much less hassle, and if you assume that your wife won't be contributing any income anyway and cooking seems to be the prime reason why you want her (since you said you can get companionship/sex/etc anywhere else), the maid would cost a lot less too!

 

I agree that men don't want a 2nd version of themselves. But geez, what they all want is different. Go look up chris520's posts. As entertaining as yours, but at least HE doesn't have the gall to claim that what HE wants is what ALLLLLLLLLLLL men want....

 

Edit: I've been doing some thinking, actually. And I realize that the reason why women are encouraged to go for career and success is because that is something you can do for yourself. An aim that you alone can fulfill, you are not dependent on anyone else. What would happen if women suddenly went back to the old ages and believed that they should just learn home-making skills, not develop a solid career and wait for their knight in shining armor to come? What if he never comes, then? THEY truly would grow old and miserable, because they've no good way of making a comfortable living for themselves and no ambition that isn't tied up in having a family. Whereas the career woman, even if she DOES yearn for a family and children inside, will still be okay.

[clv0116]

I found her article interesting in the general context of this thread, which BTW was not started by a man. I've NEVER heard a man complain that his GF doesn't want to commit. Not ever. Not once.

 

The guys I work with are relatively high earners, as a matter of fact everyone I know there is likely making pretty deep into six figures and have been for quite some time. Their GF are either ditching them because they wont commit or constantly harping on about it.

 

Even with many of them being the prototypical shoe staring nerd they still seem to pull some fairly attractive women. The ones with social skills are pretty well off dating-wise.

 

 

Also it's not that we want someone to service us and nothing else. I think everyone here wants the whole deal, a lovely wife who cares about us, someone we can love deeply and cherish forever. A lot of us have options and we merely opt to go with a woman who is the best compliment to our capabilities. For instance I'm damn good at earning money, why would I want to select a mate based on her earning ability? Why not rather find someone who has demonstrated she is serious about and competent at an area of life that I'm weaker in?

[Isolde]

 

The difference between the actions of a man who's all in v. a man who's not, is stunning, when put side by side.

 

This says it all.

[Nikki Sahagin]

These kinds of articles irritate me. So NOW a woman needs to........be exciting, change her hair/wardrobe/makeup regularly to keep some sort of variety, not get bogged down in chores (but yet still do them), be affectionate but not clingy, be independent but not unavailable, and NOW be unpredictable too? Sometimes these kinds of things are too unrealistic. Say you are a mother of four with a part time job? How can you afford to be 'unpredictable'?