Konfuzion Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 So long story short, I have two boys 10 and 13 all in all they are good kids and things are fine. When i dont know how to handle dissapline is when one child comes to me and says my brother did _______ then the other comes running in and says no I didnt but he did _______ first. Who should I punish in this case? Both?
Geishawhelk Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 If both were involved, you punish both. But you get them to choose what punishment the other gets.
MindoverMatter Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 You should find out what happened and how and act accordingly. When it get's difficult, separate them and listen to the stories individually. They will give the truth away. Then, talk to both of them about the importance of being honest and truthful. It might not seem to be a big deal, but those are the ages where habits are formed. Good luck!
Geishawhelk Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 You should find out what happened and how and act accordingly. When it get's difficult, separate them and listen to the stories individually. They will give the truth away. No, they won't. They'll just lie up more in order to get the other one into more trouble. Coherence and truth are not big on kids' lists at this age. It's more about saving their @$$es from a whuppin'.... Then, talk to both of them about the importance of being honest and truthful. It might not seem to be a big deal, but those are the ages where habits are formed. Good luck! Yes, but you have to pick your moments. sometimes there is no time to do this, or it's not the appropriate moment to do this. Man, parents have to think on their toes the whole time, and it's hard! 2 bits of advice I gleaned over time, which work for me.... In matters of taste, swim with the current. In matters of principle, stand like a rock. and - When you've reached the end of your tether - tie a knot in it, and hang on!!
MindoverMatter Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 No, they won't. They'll just lie up more in order to get the other one into more trouble. Coherence and truth are not big on kids' lists at this age. It's more about saving their @$$es from a whuppin'.... Exactly. Kids are not big on coherence or on getting their story together. Separate them and soon the stories will fall down like a house of cards. I've done this when babysitting and it almost always worked. The big plus is that they've given themselves away and they are not holding a grudge towards their sibling. Yes, but you have to pick your moments. sometimes there is no time to do this, or it's not the appropriate moment to do this. Sure, you don't have to do this right away. There is no time frame for it. However, if this happens a lot (as the title suggests) you should eventually try to put an end to it.
Author Konfuzion Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 Thanks for the imput everyone.
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 So long story short, I have two boys 10 and 13 all in all they are good kids and things are fine. When i dont know how to handle dissapline is when one child comes to me and says my brother did _______ then the other comes running in and says no I didnt but he did _______ first. Who should I punish in this case? Both? Don't pick sides. One is tattling on the other and who knows what the real truth is about their fight. You tell them both to stop whatever it is that they were doing and next time sort it out themselves (well, obviously if one is bleeding that's a different story).
Meaplus3 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 So long story short, I have two boys 10 and 13 all in all they are good kids and things are fine. When i dont know how to handle dissapline is when one child comes to me and says my brother did _______ then the other comes running in and says no I didnt but he did _______ first. Who should I punish in this case? Both? Sit down and talk to each one separtely. Each child is different and most likley will each have a different take on the scenerio. Then I would give out a punishment that is geared toward that child. Both IMO probably need some sort of punishment to learn a lesson. Good luck. Mea:)
Trialbyfire Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 I don't have any kids but here's what I've seen and also used with other peoples' kids: My friends tend to use the "stop fighting, each to your room, settle it between you" style parenting. My parents used to separate us, find out what happened with separate stories, then bring us back together after they discussed it. We would all discuss it. Then, they would have each of us enact what should have happened.
nittygritty Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 You could make both of them write you a report about what happened, in separate rooms. Have them include what happened, what it was about, their actions, how they plan to handle future disagreements without fighting getting out of hand, etc. Good penmanships a plus. When both have finished sit down with them and read and discuss the problem. Hopefully they'll eventually learn better problem solving skills (Even if it's only to keep from having to write reports about it ).
Corsair Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 I have a two boys--12 and 10--and I have drilled this into my kids' head since they were very small: "Parents are NOT interested in JUSTICE. Parents are interested in QUIET." This policy has served me very well, especially since I have two BOYS. So when they run up to me pointing fingers at each other? I punish them both. Period. Knowing that they will both get punished if they come to me with some ridiculous issue over an action figure or video game or whatever keeps me from having me to intervene and they tend to work things out themselves. So I see you're casting aspersions on my Solomon-esque policy here. Well, collide with someone at an intersection where fault cannot be easily established and see what the police officer does. Odds are very good that both of you will drive away with wrecked cars and tickets--especially in Florida, where I live, being a no-fault state and all.
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