Cherrybomb Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Well, I thought I posted this before, but I'll try again. I'm a female with a guy friend I've known for 8 years. He tried to be a friend after he met his girlfriend, but she's jealous and insecure so it's easier for him to avoid me in order to not "piss her off" (his words.) What I don't get is, I was there when the two of them met. She's 22 years younger, he was married with kids, but this wasn't a problem. Instead she has a problem with him being friendly to a happily married women who is not interested in a physical relationship with him. I know that I should leave him alone if it's what he wants, but he keeps blaming her for his actions. I don't understand why it would be a problem to be friendly to someone or think of them as a friend. He was going to give me a card for my birthday, no big deal, and she got so pissed off at him they almost broke up, so I never got the card. She said it was inappropriate. I'm inappropriate? I'm not the one committing adultery! I probably shouldn't want to be friends with him, I don't know. He was kind to me and willing to listen to me, but this whole thing is really confusing.
Jada Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Well that smacks of jealousy or insecurity in the relationship. A card is no big deal it's not like he's having secret conversaitons with you that she's found out about. With my ex having male friends was a big NO NO so was going out with the girls and I put up with it. Well looks like she's taken over and laid down the ground rules and he has no say in the matter, I know I had to fight just to go out and they were female friends but that's another story.
Frankasy Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Ok so you're married, your friend is married and his gf is 22 years younger than him? How old are the three of you if you don't mind me asking.
Author Cherrybomb Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 He's 55 (physically anyway, you'd think he was in high school LOL). She's 32 or 33, I'm 40. I'm trying to be mature about it. We all belong to the same organization so it seems silly to me, as adults, that the 3 of us can't get along. This isn't high school. He is under pressure to avoid me and I can see the frustration on his face. It's awkward for me if I'm talking to people in the group. They (him and his girlfriend) will avoid me and the people I'm talking to. It all seems immature and silly to me.
Trialbyfire Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Cherrybomb, doesn't this smack of a need for false demand? He's creating drama between the two of you.
Author Cherrybomb Posted January 15, 2009 Author Posted January 15, 2009 I don't know, he seems EXTREMELY uncomfortable being stuck in the middle. He's choosing her over me which is fine, but he's missing the point. It doesn't have to be a big drama. He actually doesn't like the drama. His girlfriend is creating the drama by getting pissed off at him if he happens to be friendly, so he chooses to cower in the corner like a puppy that has just been hit, rather than just be his old, friendly self.
Trialbyfire Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 He's choosing her over me This statement ties into what I'm talking about. Ask yourself why his g/f even knows about the card. Ask yourself why you know about what he's going through with the g/f. Ask yourself how a married man can get involved with a third party, while creating a different triangle with a "friend". Get the hell outta' Dodge. This guy is a friggen' nightmare of drama central!
Frankasy Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 I don't know, he seems EXTREMELY uncomfortable being stuck in the middle. He's choosing her over me which is fine, but he's missing the point. It doesn't have to be a big drama. He actually doesn't like the drama. His girlfriend is creating the drama by getting pissed off at him if he happens to be friendly, so he chooses to cower in the corner like a puppy that has just been hit, rather than just be his old, friendly self. Um aren't you all a bit too old to still be dealing with this sort of stuff? He's 55 and dates, you're 40 and she's 32. That's why I asked cause when I first read this thread I thought that the three of you were in your 20s due ot the way the guy expressed his self etc but when I read that the gf was 22 years younger I got confused. Seriously just drop it. You're all too old for this sort of stuff. You are right and he is wrong but it seems very dumb for you all to be handling these situations. Just stop talking to him and your problem is solved. Friends are seriously overrated, especially best friends.
birdie Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 Um aren't you all a bit too old to still be dealing with this sort of stuff? He's 55 and dates, you're 40 and she's 32. That's why I asked cause when I first read this thread I thought that the three of you were in your 20s due ot the way the guy expressed his self etc but when I read that the gf was 22 years younger I got confused. Seriously just drop it. You're all too old for this sort of stuff. You are right and he is wrong but it seems very dumb for you all to be handling thesesituations. Just stop talking to him and your problem is solved. Friends are seriously overrated, especially best friends. are you serious?
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