feeling like you cannot go on in life...

[sinkerswim]

I know I have to...but my depression is getting bad...I have feelings of dread..knowing I will not see him again. Although he agreed with me to always remain friends.

 

For those who know my situation..I am leaving to go back home to PA on Jan 30th. I am leaving our apartment here in Illinois.

I am dreading this...I am dreading saying goodbye. This is what he wants though..so I need to do it.

 

I dont have any money to get prescriptions....I am scared.

I am having a hard time accepting all this. I cant move in the morning...that feeling of depression and being heartsick is with me all day.

I am always better at night for some reason though.

 

I need to know that you guys are here....

do you guys feel the same way?

Do you do the what ifs?

Like what if I never see him/her again?

How can I ever love someone the way I loved them?

Do you live in the good times that you had???

 

I am terrified to go on.

I want him back. I just want my life back with him.

Now its over.

Help.

[amaysngrace]

I am terrified to go on.

I want him back. I just want my life back with him.

Now its over.

Help.

 

What's so great about him?

[lostsoulmate]

Is your family back on the east coast. I am in a similar situation, but I want to move back home 14 hours away, I am also in IL, and he won't go with me. We are at the point where we have decided to not get married. I want my family to know my daughter and he doesn't want to move with me.

I know how you feel, the dark tunnel has no light at the end. You know you must keep moving forward but not being able to see what's ahead is frighting. Trusting yourself enough to know you have to keep going on is a great step toward healing. As the clique' states... Keep on, keeping on. That is truly all we can do when life gets this hard. Don't think your life is over because he is not around, just that chapter in your life is over. Keep turning the pages, the new chapter of your life may surprise you. It might just end of being one of the most exciting chapters you'll have.

Peace, hope and brightness you way.

[iwanttolive]

Sinker, u will have ur life back soon!! We are waiting for that! I'm glad u will soon get away from this unhealthy environment! We have faith in you, do us proud.

[Geishawhelk]

Ok, let's do this together...

 

Like what if I never see him/her again?

 

Seriously, logically, without drama - what IS the worst thing that could happen IF you never see him again?

 

How can I ever love someone the way I loved them?

 

seriously, logically, without drama - What do you think could possibly happen that would prevent you from being able to grsdually move on, and love again?

 

 

Do you live in the good times that you had???

 

Seriously, logically, without drama - what do you think would happen if you stepped out of "had" and into the present?

 

I am terrified to go on.

 

But look. You HAVE gone on. You've already broken up. It's not a possible, it's a definite. But you've survived. Why would you be terrified to go on, when you have already, gone on?

 

 

I want him back. I just want my life back with him.

 

Seriously, logically, without drama - do you really think you could ever have your life with him, back?

Now its over.

 

Not until you say it is, and agree to take a step out of the circle and onto the steps that take you up, out of hell.

Until then, you'll keep living and re-libving your own personal self-imposed nightmare.

You are doing this to you.

You know it.

You can stop doing this to you.

You know it.

Help.

 

I'm trying, I'm trying!!

[sinkerswim]

What's so great about him?

 

The person he was to me for 3.5 years.... He loved me soo much...he thought the world of me...we have so many wonderful memories.

Our times on the beach in New Jersey, our moments of him singing to me..stuff like that. I love HIM. For all his quirks...I always accepted who he is..and he did me too..

..it just hurts..and bad.... that on his end..he is not happy with me anymore.

It is so hard to accept..ya know?

[awesomeallalone]

yep i hear ya.... same feelings... i really dont know what to tell you... just that youre not alone in how you feel:lmao:

[Geishawhelk]

so.... would you like to answer my questions now?

[sinkerswim]

Is your family back on the east coast. I am in a similar situation, but I want to move back home 14 hours away, I am also in IL, and he won't go with me. We are at the point where we have decided to not get married. I want my family to know my daughter and he doesn't want to move with me.

I know how you feel, the dark tunnel has no light at the end. You know you must keep moving forward but not being able to see what's ahead is frighting. Trusting yourself enough to know you have to keep going on is a great step toward healing. As the clique' states... Keep on, keeping on. That is truly all we can do when life gets this hard. Don't think your life is over because he is not around, just that chapter in your life is over. Keep turning the pages, the new chapter of your life may surprise you. It might just end of being one of the most exciting chapters you'll have.

Peace, hope and brightness you way.

 

Yes..they are in PA...we are 14 hours apart just like you...I am from Scranton area.

I am currently living near St. Louis on the Illinois side with him. What part of Illinois are you in?

When I moved out here in 2007, ..it was so scary...I was so homesick...but knew I would be with him and he loved me sooo much that I knew I was gonna be OK..because I had the love of my life with me.

Of course I had my moments of wanting to be back home..but I didnt want to be without him.

He didn't want to move to PA though either.....so it always kind of frustrated me.

now I feel so bad..like bad luck is making its way back to me for even thinking of going home at times...but I knew I would never leave him.

I wanted HIM.

Thank you for your response..I sure hope I will feel better one day.

Its gonna be so sad and so hard the day I pack up and leave and say goodbye to him and everyone out here.

[sinkerswim]

Hey Geisha...

Thanks for replying...

 

Worst thing if I never see him again??

The pain of THINKING I never will. :-(

I project all the time..bad thing to do.

 

What would prevent me from moving on?

Missing him..and remembering our special times and PROMISES he made to me.

 

The good times we had and stepping into the present??

I am in the present..still living with him until I leave...the pain of knowing he is NOT MINE anymore for him to console me...that is where the pain is.

 

Terrifed of going on?

Yes..he has called it quits..but yet he still kisses me goodnight and goodbye when we leave the apartment. I havent moved out yet..to experience the pain of not seeing him everyday.

 

Life with him again?

I can see it down the road...if he is willing to accept me for who I am fully...and NOT GIVING UP on me. (because he still loves me very much..just cant live with me anymore)

 

I do thank you for your reply...

I am trying.

I am trying to fight this..I swear.

Just at times I feel so emotionally drained and I feel physical pain from the depression.

I cant even eat.

[Gowithflow]

I am trying to fight this..I swear.

Just at times I feel so emotionally drained and I feel physical pain from the depression.

I cant even eat.

 

Are you overwieght? Sometimes guys leave women becaust they gain weight during the relationship, then, after the breakup the girl always looses the weight and the guy is once again attracted. Sounds shallow, but it's very true. Of course, once you lose the weight other guys will want you as well and that will make you feel better than going back to the shallow guy who will, by then, be the hurting one.

 

Maybe I'm way off base. Just a ramble.

Either way, you will be fine. It's just hard at fist, but it gets better.

[Geishawhelk]

Hey Geisha...

Thanks for replying...

 

Can you do me a favour?

Really?

 

Write the questions down, and wait 24 hours.

Then without referring to these answers, go through them again, and quick-fire rapidly answer them again, immediately, in the moment, there and then.

 

let me know the score/difference.

 

Would you do that?

[PinkToes]

I can understand dreading the move, and leaving him behind, and that whole fear of the unknown. But in reality, you will be leaving a situation that is causing you more pain. Being around someone you love after they end the relationship can be miserable. And sometimes that pain just creates more fear.... more what ifs. You're feeling so weak and dejected that it can be difficult to do anything, or even see your way out of the darkness.

 

As painful as it feels right now, moving back home will help you heal. It doesn't have to be the last time you ever see each other, it's just the step you need to take for yourself right now, so you can find your strength again. That's all you need to focus on in this moment; that you are looking after yourself by taking this step. You don't need to worry about the future or dwell on the past. You just need to do this one thing.

 

Is there someone from PA who can come and help you move back? Someone who could be with you through the process? It might help to have a friend to lean on; someone to help you through the transition.

 

I know it feels overwhelming and scary and endless. But it really will get better. Just focus on this one step for now. You will feel stronger for it, you will be able to look back and know you took care of yourself at a time when you really wanted to give up. You can do this.

[lonelygurl]

I wish I had the magic words to tell you to make you feel better. I am in the same place as you with the broken heart. As time goes on I find my heart ache isn't any better but the hope starts to lessen. I'm quite sure my X has a new g/f and when I spoke with him last week and talked about working on stuff he replied "I don't know, maybe". It is just like last time. He doesn't know because he will want to see where his new g/f takes him and if it will work out and I can't be his back burner. I have a heads up this time. The first time he dumped me I was a fool and let myself be a doormat and got burned. This time it's not going to happen. I'm doing my best to move on and it is not easy. I still miss him, feel sick, cry and wish he was here, but it is clear that he does not want to be, otherwise he would.

 

Some how through the heartache you are just going to have to try to do what you can to get through each moment. Some days you will get absolutely nothing done and other days you will get bits and pieces done. If there were any bad points in the relationship focus on them and stop focusing on the good stuff.

 

Stop worrying about whether you will love someone that way again. you are going through a break up. Another relationship should be the last thing on your mind. Worrying about healing is what is first and foremost. Worry about what your needs are.

 

Is there some way you can get help with the cost for you medication? Can you get to see a doctor or counselor? Can family help you in any way? I am lucky that I am already in group therapy and seeing a counselor and psychiatrist on a regular basis due to my severe depression and anxiety issues.

 

There is no easy way out of this and I think it takes a very long time. It is very hard right now for you because you are still there.

[Mikey Action]

geisha has a point here.

 

What is the worst thing that could happen?

People come in and out of our circles all the time.

 

Let this person go, hit the gym, eat right, take care of yourself.

 

Every time I have been dumped, I felt bad it's natural. Eventually someone will enter your circle that will make you wonder why you ever spent that time with someone who could and did hurt you like that.

 

The best part of being dumped is that there is nowhere to go but up!

[The Collector]

To quote Castaway of all movies... 'Just keep breathing... because who knows what the tide will bring in tomorrow.'

[malika]

I know what boat you're in, trust me. The hardest part will be saying good-bye to him. But a new environment will actually help you move on. You may cry day in and out for some days, but the pain will lessen. Even within a week.

 

I went through the same feeling two months ago. A surprise breakup. I didn't eat for days, was bawling. This pain is normal. But I was suprised that after a week, you realize you have no choice but to move on. Spend time with friends, do the things you love.

 

I find that once a break-up happens, cutting contact for at least a week is the best key to start the healing process. It may seem impossible. But after a while you'll start reflecting that things probably weren't perfect with him, as break-ups rarely come from nowhere.

 

Hang in there...the shock and pain will pass, slowly but surely.

[sinkerswim]

Thank you ALL for your responses.. every little bit of hope helps. It truly does..it is nice knowing i am not alone in this.

 

Pinktoes..yes.my parents are coming out to help me move. I would not be able to do this alone emotionally...plus I have like 3 carloads full of stuff.

I am only going to have 2 cars..so I have to leave some stuff behind as well.

*sigh*

 

Gowiththeflow--He has always adored me and complimented me..he tells me I am very pretty and loves me for who I am. Go figure..he still does. That has nothing to do with it.

He is just not happy anymore..he says I have a lot of growing up to do in terms of my emotions.

 

Geisha---yes I can do that.

 

 

I would like to believe being in a different environment is going to help me. I truly hope it does.

 

I am thinking of leaving my cat here until I can get my own place..I know he will be safe and my boyfriend loves him so much and would take good care of him....

and then when I can... I can fly out and rent a car to drive back with my cat.

We discussed about him keeping my cat for a few months.

 

It will just be sooo hard on him (the cat) I even moved my cat out here..before I even moved out here..but my boyfriend was with me.. flew in..spent a week together at the beach and then drove back with my cat..it was very tough.

 

Now I will be sad leaving them both behind..but I know he would not be malicious and keep him forever..I know I can get him back.

 

I HATE ALL OF THIS.

I HATE GOODBYES and I HATE BEING DEPRESSED.

this morning I feel so blah....I dont want to face this day again. BUT I HAVE TO...I KNOW.

[lostsoulmate]

Yes..they are in PA...we are 14 hours apart just like you...I am from Scranton area.

I am currently living near St. Louis on the Illinois side with him. What part of Illinois are you in?

When I moved out here in 2007, ..it was so scary...I was so homesick...but knew I would be with him and he loved me sooo much that I knew I was gonna be OK..because I had the love of my life with me.

Of course I had my moments of wanting to be back home..but I didnt want to be without him.

He didn't want to move to PA though either.....so it always kind of frustrated me.

now I feel so bad..like bad luck is making its way back to me for even thinking of going home at times...but I knew I would never leave him.

I wanted HIM.

Thank you for your response..I sure hope I will feel better one day.

Its gonna be so sad and so hard the day I pack up and leave and say goodbye to him and everyone out here.

 

My family is in the Dakotas. I live near Quincy.

Good luck to you! Only you know in your heart what is right. I send peace, hope and brightness to you. I know how hard it is to even bring up the subject, especially when you know they won't go. We have a 4 year old, it has been a long few weeks since I finally told him I wasn't happy here. I am not moving yet, but I will be someday soon with or without him. I have realized that if I can do something as scary and move here, find great guy, have a baby and still know what I want in life. I am going to be just fine. I only have time on my side to help the hurt go away.

[vanilla87]

The best thing to do right now, even if it seems hard, is to focus on the positive.

 

In the long run, you'll find someone new, even if you can't think about it right now, you will. Someone that will make you 10x's happier then you are right now and will make sure you don't end up depressed like this ever again.

[stray_cat]

I know I have to...but my depression is getting bad...I have feelings of dread..knowing I will not see him again. Although he agreed with me to always remain friends.

 

For those who know my situation..I am leaving to go back home to PA on Jan 30th. I am leaving our apartment here in Illinois.

I am dreading this...I am dreading saying goodbye. This is what he wants though..so I need to do it.

 

I dont have any money to get prescriptions....I am scared.

I am having a hard time accepting all this. I cant move in the morning...that feeling of depression and being heartsick is with me all day.

I am always better at night for some reason though.

 

I need to know that you guys are here....

do you guys feel the same way?

Do you do the what ifs?

Like what if I never see him/her again?

How can I ever love someone the way I loved them?

Do you live in the good times that you had???

 

I am terrified to go on.

I want him back. I just want my life back with him.

Now its over.

Help.

 

 

Sink, i felt like what your feeling now 6 months ago. the mornings were the worst time of the day coz it was waking up to the reality that the life i have known is no longer it. the first thing i do is cry. i was so lost i cant believe what was happening in my life. back then i couldn't imagine my life without him. no matter what i do, i cant feel any joy. i was convinced that i will never feel genuinely happy again. and like you i also want him back, so badly, but now i have realized that we cant make choices for other people and that if they want to go and take a different path in life, there is really nothing we can but to accept it. we cant make someone stay if they are determined to leave.

 

maybe you want to think about whether you want him to be there when you leave and say your last goodbye. my ex-husband was around on that evening when i left our apartment to moved to my own and it was the most gut wrenching heartbreaking moment of my life. we had a little talk and i gave him a very long hug just before i left and i sobbed like a baby i thought i was going to drown on my own tears, and he too was crying. even until now every time i remember that moment i still cry. i can still so feel the pain i felt back then. but on the other aspect i can now say that i will be fine with or without him and i am now much more in control of my emotions. in fact as the days and months are going by, i feel that i miss him less and less and i'm starting to feel comfortable being on my own and that really makes me feel very sad considering how close we were. it will take time for you to accept the demise of your relationship and the next few months are going to be very difficult. after 6 months, a big part of me has already accepted that my marriage is really over and that i have to move on with my life without him. it is never easy to say goodbye to someone we love and shared our life with and to the life that we have known. i can promise you that eventually you will start to feel better, but only if you help your self.

[sinkerswim]

Sink, i felt like what your feeling now 6 months ago. the mornings were the worst time of the day coz it was waking up to the reality that the life i have known is no longer it. the first thing i do is cry. i was so lost i cant believe what was happening in my life. back then i couldn't imagine my life without him. no matter what i do, i cant feel any joy. i was convinced that i will never feel genuinely happy again. and like you i also want him back, so badly, but now i have realized that we cant make choices for other people and that if they want to go and take a different path in life, there is really nothing we can but to accept it. we cant make someone stay if they are determined to leave.

 

maybe you want to think about whether you want him to be there when you leave and say your last goodbye. my ex-husband was around on that evening when i left our apartment to moved to my own and it was the most gut wrenching heartbreaking moment of my life. we had a little talk and i gave him a very long hug just before i left and i sobbed like a baby i thought i was going to drown on my own tears, and he too was crying. even until now every time i remember that moment i still cry. i can still so feel the pain i felt back then. but on the other aspect i can now say that i will be fine with or without him and i am now much more in control of my emotions. in fact as the days and months are going by, i feel that i miss him less and less and i'm starting to feel comfortable being on my own and that really makes me feel very sad considering how close we were. it will take time for you to accept the demise of your relationship and the next few months are going to be very difficult. after 6 months, a big part of me has already accepted that my marriage is really over and that i have to move on with my life without him. it is never easy to say goodbye to someone we love and shared our life with and to the life that we have known. i can promise you that eventually you will start to feel better, but only if you help your self.

Thank you for your insight....

I am so sorry for what you went through..as I was reading it..I was playing out leaving in my mind.

I am doing this on a Friday afternoon...after he goes to work. I purposely want it done that way. So he is not there when I actually LEAVE.

I hope it works out that way.

 

He knows I am leaving...and when.. So when he goes to work that morning is when it will be the hardest...we will say goodbye then.

 

Do you think that is better? I dont know. I just wish I didnt even have to go through this.

 

I just want to know I will see him again one day. I know nothing is definite.

[stray_cat]

do what you think is more comfortable for you. i too was debating in my mind whether i want him to be around when i actually leave or not. at first i ask him to come home late from work at that day so by the time he is home i am not there anymore but later on i changed my mind and asked him to be there. i want to properly say goodbye. i know it will be so very hard but i decided to face my demons. when i left i really thought i will never see him again coz we don't have any children and we don't have to meet during our divorce process but we did still saw each other after that and that too was very hard. going back to the place where i used to live with him knowing i no longer live there and that i am just a visitor, it was just painful.

[sinkerswim]

do what you think is more comfortable for you. i too was debating in my mind whether i want him to be around when i actually leave or not. at first i ask him to come home late from work at that day so by the time he is home i am not there anymore but later on i changed my mind and asked him to be there. i want to properly say goodbye. i know it will be so very hard but i decided to face my demons. when i left i really thought i will never see him again coz we don't have any children and we don't have to meet during our divorce process but we did still saw each other after that and that too was very hard. going back to the place where i used to live with him knowing i no longer live there and that i am just a visitor, it was just painful.

I just found out he changed our names on the answering machine, to just a generic message.

I remembered the day I moved out here..we made that message. Now I feel more upset than I did earlier.

:-(