lonetiger Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 so...here's my story! I am not the type of girl that would do the "on-line" dating thing. Why? I think there is too much fakeness behind alot of it...BUT, for some crazy reason, I woke up one morning early November and found myself creating a profile of myself on a dating service. Within the first hour, my mailbox was flooded. I thought to myself that this is crazy and insane and what the heck! After three hours of being on this site, I had enough because the responces I was getting was NOT what I look for in a man. With that, I had enough and decided to call it quits and called to cancell. The friendly sales rep told me tht I was not giving it time to "work" for me and suggested trying it for a few more weeks...free on them. Later that evening, I decided to check out the men in my city and came across someone that I thought I have seen around and about...so I checked out his profile. In reading, I found that we had alot in common so I winked at him to grab his attention! To make a long story short, he responed back. I gave him my personal email address, quit the dating site and started to get to know him via email. Through each letter, we came to learn so much of each other and the more we wrote, the more we had in common! Crazy thing is that he lives about 1/2 mile from me!! We met and had some awesome times together! We could talk with no hesitation and the comfort level between us was extremely high. We do come from two completely seperate worlds..he's 36 and has been a bacholore all his life. I am 40, divorced and have children. But his comment to me was that it would be exciting to combine these two seperate worlds and see where it would go. Weeks went past and I was really starting to like this guy alot. Before I really jumped the gun and developed feelings for him, I needed to know where he wanted this "thing" to lead to and if he had any feelings towards me. His responce was normal..he did state that he does have feelings for me. Because of not having a serious girlfriend for a long, long time..he is a little apprehensive of having a serious relationship, but would still like to continue with things taking each step slowly. Fair enough! As weeks went past, we had more dates and more letters! He stated many times that he was "ready for more". Me too cause he is such an awesome person with many good qualities. So, here is where I made the biggest boo-boo of my life! New Years day, I recieved a message from him, asking if I would join him in a few cocktails and he was excited to see me again. Oh, I was so there because everytime I could see him was like the christmas to me...that is just how fantastic this person is! So, I met up with him and the first three hours were just perfect. Well, I am a social butterfly and after a few drinks in me, I found myself mingling with others. It didn't even cross my mind on how rude I was by my mingling with others, my date felt egnored. I walked away to secretly have a cigarette and unfortantly there were other guys that was talking to me as I smoked that stupid thing. My date came up to me and told me that he was leaving and to "have fun with my new friends". I tried to explain myself, yet he was angry, hurt and frustrated. Completely normal...I was rude and wrong for what I did to him. For the next three days, I wrote him and totally appoligized for my actions and for the hurt I caused him. He did not respond. I gave it a few more days with silence before trying to write him again. I knew I hurt him, so I gave him time to think and sort out his feelings. Finally, he responded. He dropped kicked our frienship to the curb and expressed that actions speak loud and clear...assuming that I am a type of girl that would cheat on a guy if I could..his INSTINCTS. I wrote him back tht night and told him how wrong he was to assume I was the cheating type, because this chic has been cheated on so many times and why would I do that to anyone when I know what it feels like to be cheated on. I also expressed that if he was comparing me to past relationships, with walls built up, it is unfair of him to do so because the girl he was trying to get to know is no one from his past. I went on in the letter with things that I hope that will make him think. I know he still cares for me, because I can feel it deep in my heart...yet I cant understand how one silly innocent mistake could make someone drop kick everything we were buliding to the curb. I need advise here, should I have faith that he will come to his sences and talk to me again or should I just remember the sweet time we shared and forget him in general? I have not tried to contact him in 8 days...hoping that one day, I will see mail from this special person that had come into my life.
norajane Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I think you've done all you can do at this time. If he doesn't come around, then give it some time and maybe try again to get in touch in a few months if you still feel the same way about him. Keep in mind, though, that if he's extra-sensitive to cheating or feeling left out if you socialize with others, and you are a social butterfly by nature, this will always be an issue. You may think you can deal with it, but if he's constantly anxious when you go talk to other people, you may start feeling constricted and like he's irrationally jealous all the time.
Jada Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Okay well that was a boo boo and I have been in that position before where my boyfriend at that time totally ignored me to the point of putting his back to me when we were out, I was hurt and nearly broke down and cried, he did that several times. By the looks of things I don't think he is going to forgive you only time can heal the pain, if you can honestly express what was going on and why that happened maybe that could be a bridge for him to forgive you, but being totally honest he pretty much made his intent clear.
Surfer Dude Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Yeah, what you did was disrespectful and even though you apologized, he wrongly assumed that you are the cheating and flirting type who would use every opportunity to meet other men. All you can do is hope that he changes his mind. Seems like he was cheated on in the past, it's kind of obvious from his reaction.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I need advise here, should I have faith that he will come to his sences and talk to me again Why do you assume he wasn't already to his senses when he made the decision to not pursue the relationship? could be he already was to his senses.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Seems like he was cheated on in the past, it's kind of obvious from his reaction. Could be. But I would have been more concerned with sitting there with my thumb up my arse waiting for her to get done talking to other guys. It would be at that point she would have to pay for my drinks for the rest of the night.
Author lonetiger Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 the funny thing about both of us...is that for him being 36 and i 40, we are both very physically fit people...the gym is part of our lives...and although we are both attractive people...there is a huge thing called TRUST. I have to be strong enough to know that my past experiences of being cheated on..I can never carry that on to a new relationship..because it wouldn't be fair on his part if I would do so..I keep telling myself that if he cant TRUST me, then he isn't worth my time...and for some crazy reason(still trying to figure it out) i don't know why I cant turn my back and walk away from this one...
Author lonetiger Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 my responce to DEXTER...ummmm i know he didn't give up on the relationship before hand when he told me the day before that he was ready for more...and by the way.... I NEVER USE ANY GUY FOR NETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dexter Morgan Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 my responce to DEXTER...ummmm i know he didn't give up on the relationship before hand when he told me the day before that he was ready for more Thats not what I asked. I asked why you assume he isn't at his senses if he decides your personality and his are not on the same page? and by the way.... I NEVER USE ANY GUY FOR NETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never said you did. But I sure wouldn't be buying any more drinks to someone that left me sitting there like a dip while she went off talking to other men.
Recommended Posts