iwanttolive Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I hope you feel better after hearing what happened to me. After my ex dumped me in December with "can we just be friends?", I pathetically "obeyed" him. By doing so, I unconsciously empowered him over my life. My state of being would depend on whether he said 'hi' to me over MSN. If he did not go online or if he was online but quiet, I would panic *oh yes, I'd lose my mind*. I had absolutely no mood to work. I was exhausted as I could not sleep properly at night. If I slept, I'd dream sweet things about him and it'd kill me when I woke up knowing he's out of my life now. I had no mood to dress up to work. Sometimes I even recycled my clothes as I had no strength to do my laundry! I did not shower in the morning as I used to and basically I looked really pathetic! My table in the office was such a mess and I just could not be bothered with my work. Then sh*t happened! I MISSED A STACK OF DOCUMENTS WITH LEGAL DEADLINES TO APPEAL that caused my client to lose US$20,000!!! Basically the stack was under another stack of paper whose deadline was not over. I negligently assumed that the entire stack had the same deadline. Unfortunately, the stack underneath had an earlier deadline! I went back to the office during the weekend when there was nobody around to find ways to get out of the situation. I tried to be dishonest as I could not afford to compensate US$20,000 and I risked losing my job! My plan was to remain silent until my client realized we did not appeal for some of their cases. When that happened, I was going to tell my director that the client only faxed over the first stack of paper and that we did not receive the rest. There was a problem though. Each page in the stack contains the total number of pages which was faxed over. So I made copies of another batch of fax with the total number of pages that I want. I cut that number and pasted over that first stack of paper. Then I made copies until they looked flawless. I spent the entire day to make a flawless copy. When I got home I ran through the entire scam to make sure there were no loopholes. I could not sleep that night and I was really scared. It hit me the next day (Sunday) that what I did was a crime! Thinking of that sent a cold chill down my spine. I was also utterly disappointed at myself for being irresponsible of my mistake! I went back to the office and I battled with myself the entire Sunday. Should I risk committing a crime by proceeding with my dishonesty? Should I confess and risk losing my job and compensating my client US$20,000? When evening came, I decided to come clean with my director. Even if I had to lose my job, at least I still keep my integrity and live with a peaceful conscience. On my way back home, I passed by a small chapel. It looked so beautiful and serene while my heart was in great turmoil. Suddenly a few thoughts crossed my mind: 1) I had taken my life and a good night sleep for granted. Only when I was about to lose them I realized that a good night sleep is really PRECIOUS! 2) I actually loved my job. It is part of my IDENTITY and i'm proud of it. I was about to lose it over A GUY WHO DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ME who went on enjoying his life! 3) I told myself, when this problem is resolved, I would appreciate my life. I would stop taking a good night sleep for granted. I would buy myself something nice, look beautiful again and go for a nice vacation. I came clean with my director on Monday. She snapped at me. But I was mentally prepared for the worst, so I was ready to accept whatever penalties she planned to mete out. Thank God, she was furious only for a little while. After that, she brainstormed for a solution to minimize the client's losses and the company would bear the compensation if necessary. She even returned to the office past midnight to help me when she learnt that I was still in the office to work on the cases.
Geishawhelk Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Holy crap that was close!! I saw 20k and thought - she's dead!! I am so glad for you, because now, you not only know how precious you are to yourself, you know that you're valued at your job, too. Honesty pays, really it does. There are so many pithy sayings about Truth and honesty, I could fill a post/page with them, but you know. You know now. You really do. Lies stink. They churn and whirl and pull you down, and suck you under and bleed you dry and gut your stomach and remove any vestige of dignity, self-respect and pride anyone ever has. And the worst lies of all are the ones we twll ourselves. Tell the Truth, tell the Truth, tell the Truth! I am so proud of you. I think you has an Ahahhh moment!
EmperorR Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Ah for a momenti was expecting the worst, thankfully everything worked out for you. Continue on this path:)
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