emotionalydistraugt Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I wish I could have been better and I know that I can be better. But I also understand that in the course of time if my ex were to get back together it would never be the same. I would have lost a lot of trust because of her cheating on me. But I think that at this moment and time in her life (19 yrs. old) she wants to experience other people and she handled it poorly. I'm most upset though because of the way she handled the situation of breaking it off with me and also the fact she never gave me another chance to be a better boyfriend. She never told me anything was wrong so how was I suppost to know something was? If your bf/gf madeout with another person while you two were still together but you felt you had pushed them to do it, would you take them back? I don't know how I should be feeling and these feelings of regret are keeping me from moving on. I know she's with this guy that she cheated on me with but I have this feeling that when that goes wrong she'll come running back to me. I dont know for sure but from what everyone on here says they always come back. SHe hasnt contacted me and nor I her since christmas. And if you dont count christmas it was 2 or 3 weeks before that. So I am anticipating some form of contact from her for some reason. It's killing me that she doesnt want to talk to me. I need advice and guidance, please. As many places as I can get it from would be a great help
Riffmeister General Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Ok man, being in a similar situation (except mine claims she never cheated), I can offer some insight. First of all, have you told her everything that's on your mind? Not the "I miss you" or "I want you back" stuff, I mean how you feel about how she handled it, the conclusions you've come to about why she did what she did, that kind of stuff? I know from the past couple of days that stuff that's left unsaid festers in your mind, growing a mould of hatred and anxiety. Maybe you'd feel better if you sat down and drafted an email to her, not in your email account, but in Word (or Pages if you're an Apple user like myself). Get EVERYTHING down in it. Don't censor yourself at all. You're not actually going to send this draft, so go wild. Leave it, and then come back to it the next day and re-read it. Add to it if necessary, but don't remove anything, even if it doesn't seem relevant any more. You want to be able to read your progression of thoughts. Then, if there are aspects you must have her know, you COULD go down the route of considering actually sending her a more censored (but still relevant) email, ensuring it contains nothing about her coming back, you missing her etc. In fact, the words 'miss', 'love' etc are BANNED. Stuff like feeling you weren't given a chance, that you've lost a lot of trust, that she handled it badly is ok. I just feel that when there's stuff you really want to get off your chest, if you don't, it holds you back. As for her coming back, I think the fact she hasn't contacted you is a sign she's moving on. You have to come to terms with that fact. Hey, never say never, but just accept right now she's with the guy she wants to be with. There's nothing you can do about it, so let it be. I want to feel better too man. I go back to work tomorrow, and I don't feel ready after the last couple of days set me back, but I'm gonna do it anyway. We all want a quick fix, but at the end of the day, all we can do after everything's been said is wait.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 If I send her that, like an email or something, wouldn't that break the no contact rule. I mean I think that I have expressed a level of these feelings to her. I know I told her how much trust she has had an dhow if I could I would change what I did if I could. I just want to move on as fast as possible and if there is a way I'm trying to find it. Good luck at work Riff, it'll be alright. It should help to get your mind off of things
ATR Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 No, you just write it as if you were going to send it to her. But dont actually send it to her. A way to relieve emotions i guess. I think i'll try it...
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 i put a big long post in the coping forum, under post here instead of contacting your ex...................like riff was saying, to get it off your chest i guess. i got it off my chest. had kind of been thinking of sending it to my ex. even for a day or two after posting it here. now i don't feel like saying it. unless he breaks NC and the subject were to arise.............but can't see that happening. i'm glad i haven't broken NC.. but i definitely felt better for tapping out all i had to say. it's a great idea. you won't get the answers, if that's what you're looking for. it's all stuff i wished i'd said. but i know they wouldn't make a difference for me to say them. not now, 2 months down the road, but that's how long it took me to formulate what i was thinking. but posting it here was definitely therapeutic.
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