feelinghurt Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Need a man’s opinion…or anyone…I’m broken-hearted[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]My b/f and I just broke up after 9 months. He 36, almost 37, and I’m 29, almost 30. I am still feeling hurt and very confused about the breakup. I guess I wasn’t expecting it nor was I ready for it.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]About a week ago, I wrote him an e-mail asking how he truly felt about me. I just lost my job about a month ago and what sparked the email was when he asked me where I would stay if I ever had to give up my apt. I was surprised when he asked me b/c I asked him a month ago if I could stay with him if I ever had to come to a point that I had to give up my apt. He said no problem last month. I got a little upset when he seemed surprise when I said, I thought you said I could stay with you and told him to have been honest with me when I asked that question. He said he thought it was a bad idea for 2 people to move in together under “circumstances.” My intention was never permanent. I only asked for it to be temporary until I got back on my feet. I explained that to him and told him I would’ve taken him in if the roles were reversed. BTW, since we’ve been together, he’s probably only slept at his place alone 10% of the time. Even when I told him to stay home, he always came over to my place and slept with me on my bed. He said that he had never lived with anyone before and that it was a very big deal for him. I told him I understood and I wouldn’t stay with him if I ever gave up my apt, after knowing how he really felt. I guess I felt like since he was my b/f of 9 months, I expected him to offer me shelter, if I needed it as I would’ve done the same. Also, he was practically living with me for 9 months.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]In the email, I also told him I loved him (he’s never said it to me) and asked if he thought he could get there with me one day. I didn’t ask him for marriage or to rush his feelings, I only asked if he thought we had a future. I was willing to wait until he felt the same because I truly cared about him and I was very happy in the relationship. We never really fought. We were very happy as a couple. And I can honestly say, my relationship with him was the best I ever had and he was the best b/f I ever had. I just thought that after 9 months, he would be able to tell me if he could see us together in the future. I know that relationships have no guarantees, but I needed that hope to have faith in us. He responded and said he wasn’t in-love with me, but wanted to stay together b/c he was very happy. He said he really liked what we had and if I was willing to stay, he was, as well. I was ok with that. I loved the guy and was willing to see where our relationship would take us.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]And then, over the weekend, we were supposed to go to my nephew’s bday party when he bailed out on me right when we were leaving. I was upset b/c I told him it wasn’t fair that he decided to do it at the very last minute. I thought it was rude and inconsiderate. I told him days before and earlier that day that if he didn’t want to go, he didn’t have to, but just tell me. He kept saying he wanted to go with me. So when he bailed on me, I got upset. I told him on the phone that he knew how I had been feeling about our relationship lately and needed more faith in us. His actions were not convincing me otherwise. I then asked him if he cared about me and if he wanted to be with me. He said, “I’m 36, almost 37, I’m not getting any younger, if I haven’t fallen in love with you yet, I doubt I ever will be.” That took me by surprise and just said ok, then we hung up.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]We talked the next day and I told him I was confused. A few days ago he said he wanted to be with me. A few days ago when I told him I was looking for jobs out-of-state, he asked me to stay and told me I wasn’t going anywhere and that I could stay with him in a pinch. He said he felt the same way he did when we first starting going out (and never more) and that he didn’t see any reason to continue on when he knew it was unlikely he’d feel more towards me. I don’t understand how he could’ve told me different things days prior. He said he was very happy with the relationship, but couldn’t see a future. I thought we had a very good relationship. We never really fought, even if we did, we sorted it out immediately. He was the best b/f I ever had and I would have to say my relationship with him, was the best I ever had. He always said to me that I was the best g/f he ever had and that he was lucky to have me. He always told me how I made him very happy everyday.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]This is the same guy who would wake up in the morning and made me breakfast before I went to work everyday. The same guy who told me I was beautiful everyday. The same guy who left me post-it notes with sweet notes all over my apt and hid them for me to find. The same guy who brought home flowers to me for no reason. The same guy who called/emailed/texted me to tell me he missed me everyday. The same guy who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling sad. The same guy who made me laugh everyday. The same guy who told me everyday that I was the best g/f he ever had. The same guy who used to do anything to make me happy. The same guy who told me he adored me everyday. The same guy who looked at me the way no one else ever looked at me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I’m still hurt from what happened. It’s only been a few days. He emailed me today as we were supposed to go to a game together. I told him I couldn’t go with him as it would not have been fair to me. I want to be with him, and he doesn’t. He said he does, but just doesn’t see a long-term one. He also said in the email today that he wished I’d go with him and that he misses me. I told him that it wasn’t fair for him to say that to me. Because if he did miss me, he would want to be with me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]I know I’m probably just having a hard time accepting the truth, but it’s very hard for me when I never thought there was anything wrong in the relationship. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to see where it would go and how he could suddenly feel otherwise about me.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]Any advice or insight would be helpful. I’m sure I’m not the only who has gone through this…[/sIZE][/FONT]
Joker77 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 The only advice I can give is to focus on yourself right now and go no contact. My ex broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I was heartbroken at first. I joined a gym and have basically lived in there for the past month or so. I feel great. Also, something happened last week that put everything into perspective for me. A friend/co-worker of mine was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer where there is only a 20% survival rate. That changed everything for me. The break up I was going through didn't mean anything anymore compared to what my friend is going through. I have made a concerted effort to focus on myself and improve myself. I feel so much better. I wish you all the best and it will get better.
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