awesomeallalone Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 people always say that time heals all..... all you need is time.... time is your friend.... and all of that kind of junk.... and i know theyre right but what i want to know is what to do when i want to rip my hair out or i want to jump off a cliff because i cant stand the pain.....that feeling when you panic so much you have to throw your phone across the room just to stop you from dialing.... or when you wake up in the morning to the cruel reality that its over and break down again..... im sure time will help but what are we to do while time is taking its sweet time??
BCCA Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Do anything and everything you can not to think about it, and you can't let yourself dwell on it. Go out with friends, see a movie, exercise, find a new hobby, play video games, see new places...whatever it takes. The pain fades with each passing day, even if ever so slightly. Just stick it out, don't contact your ex at all, and keep putting one foot in front of the other one. I know, it all sounds generic right now, but there is no magic answer. Just get by as best you can, and fake it until you make it.
heggs Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Man oh man, Its how i feel somedays and other days im like I got this here, THEN boom out of the blue im thinking about her, my heads spining right now but its true. IN time itll fade away, I look back and just laugh at times that is was a screw up from friends to lovers - then going to nothing, U'll be fine champ
saturnsfall Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 You might be able to identify: There was a relationship in my past, one that I thought would last a lifetime (at the time) It was after this relationship broke-up that I ever experienced a panic attack. My thoughts would race and I would find it hard to breath. But there was this one instance in particular: I was at the mall, second floor. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, everything around me stopped. I got dizzy, so dizzy I thought I was going to fall to the first floor. The railings were glass with rails, and all I could see was a fall. I wasn't standing anywhere near the railing, but my balance was so thrown that I didn't have any concept of reality. Eventually, I adjusted and I could see clearly again. Honestly, after nights of crying, and (like you) throwing my phone, after not knowing what to do to clear my mind, not having any motivation to work, etc. I realized either I needed to fix myself or I was going to enter down a terrible road where the future was very dark and I probably wouldn't have been able to help myself. I know you're in a terribly place right now. I think I can identify with how you're feeling, and if I'm correct, you've hit the bottom. Now, honestly, all you can do is start getting better and recover. Don't think you need to be able to live your daily life to perfection because you don't. Things will get better one by one. Try focusing on one thing. Whether it be, a movie you want to watch, or a project at work. Allow yourself to focus on the one task, and know it's ok to go to cry, etc after the task. Try this for awhile. Eventually you will be able to focus on more than one thing a day, and gradually you will start to feel better. I know when we're going through this, nothing anyone can do helps really. I'm the type that keeps to myself for awhile to think when something like this happens. I don't want people asking me one million questions about it. I like to figure it out on my own.
heggs Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 SATURN dude, I have to agree, I dont like to tell people asking questiong etc, I like to figure it out in my own space.. Thats how it is only you can help yourself to set it free
lonetiger Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 i know what you are going through...im there right now. everyday for the last 13 days, tht is all i do is think...think..think...whishing I could turn back time and re-do it all over again. i wish i could tell you tht things will be okay..but how am i to say that when i am hurting myself. am i wrong on this one...i bet tht person is the first thing you think of in the morning when you wake...and all through the day..until you go to sleep at nite. your mind is racing a mile a minute wondering if tht person is thinking of you and is hurting themself...hoping tht maybe you will hear from tht person again.... the only advise i can give at this time for you...and i am doing it myself...just be strong and get involved in something to distract your mind from the hurt you are feeling....best wishes
Author awesomeallalone Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks everyone for your words of encouragement..... the days are strating to slow down and the pain is just becoming deeper.... its getting to the point where nothing anyone says makes me feel better anymore...before i would find comfort in talking with friends and family but lately i just feel like no one can help me...
sinkerswim Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 people always say that time heals all..... all you need is time.... time is your friend.... and all of that kind of junk.... and i know theyre right but what i want to know is what to do when i want to rip my hair out or i want to jump off a cliff because i cant stand the pain.....that feeling when you panic so much you have to throw your phone across the room just to stop you from dialing.... or when you wake up in the morning to the cruel reality that its over and break down again..... im sure time will help but what are we to do while time is taking its sweet time?? I am in your shoes right now..TRUST ME..I know what you are going through. Try to be with people you love being around. That is my advice.
Geishawhelk Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 .... its getting to the point where nothing anyone says makes me feel better anymore...before i would find comfort in talking with friends and family but lately i just feel like no one can help me... And time has passed. Any improvements? NO? I didn't think so. Know why.....? I'm going to let you into a little secret: Time does only one thing: Pass. It doesn't heal, it doesn't make things better it doesn't close the wounds, it does none of the things you mention. It just passes. Time can broadly be divided up into two varieties: Chronological, and Psychological. Chronological is necessary. It's the milestones by which we set our lives, and keep track. Birthdays, appointments, interviews, dinner dates, travel timetables, special occasions....that kind of thing. We have to keep a grip, or we lose all sense of direction. Psychologicasl Time is all in your head. three categories - Past, Present and Future. The past is a done deal. no changing that. No travelling back and tweaking this detail here, that little incident there... all fixed. Unchangeable, irretrievable, untouchable.....gone. Except 'up here' in your head. Where you can play it over and over and over again, to your heart's content - or torment - and whip yourself silly and beat yourself up until you're exhausted. But has it changed anything? Nope. Does it ever? Nope. Will it ever? Nope. The Future is completely unpredictable. Oh sure, we can plan. We can fix dates, arrange appointments, look forward to birthdays, but can we predict what will happen? Nope. Can we guarantee these things will happen? Nope. Are we ever 100% sure how things exactly WILL happen? Nope. Nope, nope, nope. The Present. *Echo, echo, echo.......* Empty. Why? Nobody lives here. Well, we do. Actually, it's the only place we CAN live. We can't access the past, except in our minds. We can't access the future, except in our minds. And yet, we always insist, without fail, of being in either one place or the other. Ruminating over the past, reminiscing, regretting, wishing, pining......... Speculating over the future, wondering, guessing, planning, hoping...... And yet, the one moment where we should be - always are, but never are - is Right Now. Dwell in the past, or mull over the future, and you miss the best opportunity you have right now, to live. And every moment of now lasts but a fraction of a second, and then it's gone, irretrievably. Where's the sense in that? Wouldn't it be best to make the best, of now? This isn't about eliminating pain, this is about actually being right in the epicentre of it. Feeling it, right now, being accutely aware of it, the discomfort, the agony the stomach-wrenching, appetite-quenching, constant pain, that it Loss. Don't numb it by grappling with what happened. Don't numb it by wondering when it will go. Exist with it. Focus on it. Feel it like a real monster. Locate it. Find exactly where it is. bring all your concentration to bear upon exactly where it is lodged. Put your hands on it. Describe it. Give it a name all of its own. identify it and be with it. Because by doing that - you weaken it. The more you hone in on it and face it, the less powerful it becomes. And the more empowered you become. Don't waste any more time. Now.
Sysyphus28 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 people always say that time heals all..... all you need is time.... time is your friend.... and all of that kind of junk.... and i know theyre right but what i want to know is what to do when i want to rip my hair out or i want to jump off a cliff because i cant stand the pain.....that feeling when you panic so much you have to throw your phone across the room just to stop you from dialing.... or when you wake up in the morning to the cruel reality that its over and break down again..... im sure time will help but what are we to do while time is taking its sweet time?? I waited a good period of time. I tried to be freinds with my ex. It was garbage. Seriously. I got closure, and she still brought up old issues and was mean. The freindship didn't go well at all. ANYWAY, time didn't help. It brought everything into focus. Eventually she began to think I was a chump for being so nice and friendly. She would always dig at me with little verbal jabs and I took them. Time allowed me to lose my anger and hatred and pain, YES!! But I should have just told her to F off from the start. Expedite the inevitable process......... Freinds after a relationship..........hahahahahahahahahaha
heartbroken55 Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Stop dwelling on the things you don't have and think about the things that you do have and be grateful for them.
Mikey Action Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 focus on you. Forgive but don't forget about her. Be confident and honest in your dealings with people. A better mate will come to you, you will not have to go to them.
moveon Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 .. the days are strating to slow down and the pain is just becoming deeper.... its getting to the point where nothing anyone says makes me feel better anymore...before i would find comfort in talking with friends and family but lately i just feel like no one can help me... I know exactly how you feel, cause I'm going through the same thing.... it's so painful, especially the first couple weeks after the breakup, I couldn't do anything right, couldn't think at work, I just sat at my desk and starred at the computer..... no motivation of doing anything,,,,,,, it has been almost 3 months now, the pain is far less than before, I tried to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think of him, but I don't know why when comes weekend, I will feel depressed and that's the time I miss my ex the most. I feel that dealing with death eaiser than dealing with breakup... dealing with death, you know that person will not come back, but dealing with breakup, you might still hanging on to hopes, hoping that one day your ex will come back to you.....
alwayssme Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 is dealing with death easier than dealing with a break-up? i keep hearing that everywhere for some reason
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 is dealing with death easier than dealing with a break-up? i keep hearing that everywhere for some reason Probably, now I'm not going to say killing anyone is the right thing to do. But The way I see it is that if so and so were dead you'd at least know they weren't going around with someone else........christ, I don't even know how I'd react if I found out my ex died.........
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 is dealing with death easier than dealing with a break-up? i keep hearing that everywhere for some reason i've heard that too always, i've been lucky to have never lost a loved one though so i thankfully can't compare. but knowing someone is alive and just doesn't want to be with you is pretty difficult. although i can't imagine it is worse than a parent or child dying when i think about it.............knowing they loved you and can't come back...........ooooooooooh this is depressing.
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