Prim&proper Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Long story short, my ex broke up with me a little over a month ago. I've been NC for 3 weeks. He didn't contact me (not even for xmas or new year) and I have not contacted him. He broke up with me bc he didn't feel a deep connection with me though he loves me and really enjoys spending time with me and though we have a good connection. We didn't have this deep connection where all the barriers are gone, like he has with his best friend. Today, I get an email from his best friend's gf, asking her if I can help her with something. She asked if I can stop by her place where she lives with his best friend. This is really odd since I like this gal, and have hung out with her before, but only with the ex and his best friend. It seems a bit odd. I told her I would help her out because I don't want to seem petty and I really like her. I also don't think my breakup has any bearing on her. The only problem is that I know this is going to set me back. Though it's not contact with him, it's contact with his circle which will cause me some problems. I also don't want him to think that I'm being petty or that I'm still hung up over him (even if I was still hung up over him). I'm torned as to what to do. What do you think? Is this weird or what?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Why do you need to help in person? Give us details on what she needs help with. IF you don't know, then don't go.
Island Girl Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 It couldn't work out any better than this for you. She called you - you didn't initiate contact. You have no problem with her and were friendly with her so it is perfectly plausible you would still be friendly to her. I would think she contacted you out of some insistence from his friend -- or from him directly - so be aware of that and look for it. But this is really your chance to show him and everyone you do not care in the slightest. If you go over there and he isn't there - do not let conversation dwell on him and what he's up to. Allow them to say whatever they say - conversate about whatever - but if he is brought up change the conversation topic. Do not do it abruptly but when you can. trust me - the only word he'll get back is that you look great and seem really happy.
D-Lish Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I don't think it's weird. They probably like you. Just because your ex is confused doesn't mean his friends want you to go away. That says good things about you. I had a good friendship with my ex's circle of female friends. Really, enjoyed their company in the year we were together. After we broke up they all wanted to meet for lunch. It was awkward, I was horribly upset at having to go. All I asked in advance was that we didn't mention the ex at all (if that was okay with them). It made it easier. I didn't see them after that day- but we keep in touch here and there. It will probably be a set back. You can't avoid it if you go. I also don't think you can avoid going after agreeing. Tough call I know. Prepare yourself first. Make sure you go in with your best and bravest face on... Act happy, even though it will be tough. That's the best advice I can give. You want them to report back that you seemed great and happy...
Author Prim&proper Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks all for your responses. D-Lish, I think you're right. I don't think I can not go. I'll go and steer the conversation clear from what's-his-name. It's help with this photo application. I can do it over the phone too, but I've already agreed. I really don't think the ex has any idea of this or is involved in this. Still kind of odd.
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