LostLamb Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Hi, My relationship ended in Nov. We got back together for one day then after 3 days of "you must marry me" "no more break ups" and other nice messages he sent me a text saying he couldn't get back together with me. The last time I saw him (he came to collect some of his junk) he couldn't even look at me . I haven't contacted him (i'm not tempted to either) since he sent me a text saying he doesn't want to be friends and to not contact him again. I know I have lost my friend and fiance forever ,but I am shocked that love turned to hate so quickly and he has gained so much and is happy (I found out on christmas day that he already has new partne) while I am ill , miserable and waiting for my new life to start. My Doctor keeps mentioning antidepressants but I don't want to go down that road. I also feel guilty as I know I am mainly to blame for the relationship ending. All the normal advice -see friends , throw yourself into work etc- are non-applicable to my life. For 4 years he was my only friend , for 3 years we spent most of our days together and now the man who I thought was my other half hates me. I'll never see him again and am slowly returning to my old , cynical self I am trying not to become deeply depressed again ,but I have never felt so lonely in all my life.
fabulousgal Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 i doubt it is all your fault...and don't wait for your new life to start...eventually after the dust settles you have to do that. tell us what happened. we are here for you. and if you really are depressed and it interferes with your day to day routine for a continued amount of time...maybe you should think about what your dr has to say.
mandakay109 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 the same thing happened to me so i can completely understand what you are going through right now. my boyfriend of two yrs wanted to marry me, he asked my dad for my hand in marriage. i always felt so secure with him and safe because he always took care of me and was there for me! we had our ups and downs though like every relationship, and i knew at the time, i needed just a bit more time before i said ''i do'' i had an amazing job and he was in the airforce in the same city where my job was. well over Christmas break, his comander told him out of no where that he had to move out of state for two years. it wasnt a week later, that he drove to my place and broke up with me. we have had little contact since and its been exactly 3 weeks ago. i am getting worse every single day. my mother believes he will come back because he really did love me but i am still not sure whats going on in his head. he said he needed time to think and pray..and all my friends and family keep telling me to have faith but i know personally it is so hard in a situation like this. You want to have all hope that he is coming back and its going to work but at the same time you have no idea either. the time goes by so slowly and everytime your phone rings you wonder if its him only to find out its not. so trust me i understand and its hard..but eventually the only way through is out and time will HAVE to heal even if it takes yrs..it sucks i know..but its the only way
Author LostLamb Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks for replying. I'm not sure why I posted this thread. I feel a bit lost , people posting about not checking their ex's FB and ignoring their calls etc He deleted me from FB the day he dumped me. He said he felt like my dad and that being with me had become a full time job. I was very ill a couple of years ago and years later I still hadn't gone to my appointments or looked after myself. He said he wouldn't wait one more hour for me and had lost faith in me.I didn't know how misreable he was and keep having dreams that he is talking to me and telling me how happy he is now . I have so many problems to tackle and feel so overwhelmed. My GP is organising some counselling for me. I hope it helps. I just don't understand why he was so angry with me. He has won-he has his job , friends , study and a new partner. I have nothing
aiina Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Hey LostLamb You have your full life ahead! How can you say you have nothing? There are so many options open to you right now, it's just that you can not see them. Nobody is saying things are easy, but good things will happen. Everytime I feel sad I think about a friend of mine who seemed to be always the one in pain after all his relationships. Things turned out that he is now in a long, healthy and great relationship with a girl all my other male friends would kill to be with. And as he said 'I wouldn't be with her if I would get stuck into my previous relationship' so that's it, give yourself time
Author LostLamb Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 It hurts more because of why we broke up. My life is a total mess and all I have done year in year out is ignore every single problem I have. He was so supportive and now I have lost him forever. Two nights before we split we were talking about what our child would be called. I didn't even want children before knowing him. I wish I had a time machine so I could start my life again
nature Posted January 17, 2009 Posted January 17, 2009 Lost lamb -- why did he break up with you? Were you engaged? An illness does not seem like a reason for someone to break up with you. Was he the one saying 'you must marry me' and 'no more breaking up'? You say it is all your fault for the break up. It is never all one person's fault -- unless of course, cheating was involved. Please elaborate on why he broke up with you. As for the new partner -- rebound. Or do you think she came along before he broke up with you and this gave him the strength to leave you? I think it will fizzle. He is drowing his feelings and emotions in "the new" right now. But eventually it will catch up with him. I think everyone needs to grieve the loss of a relationship. And if they don't do it right away, it sits inside them and comes up at a later date. I think.
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