gldngirl Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 So I just got dumped by a guy I really like. We'd only been together for a few weeks, but we work together and i've had a crush on him for a long time. He was really nice about it, well after the 3 days of ignoring my texts and not calling me or telling me what was going on. He basically said that "It's not you, it's me" line. He's coming out of an 8 year relationship and has only been split from her for 6 months. I've been in that situation myself, so I understand the freak out you go thru when you actually begin to date again. I'm simply frustrated cause he's great, and we get on really well together, but the timing for us is completely wrong. I don't want to be the rebound girl and he said he wanted it to work with me and that he's sorry but it just doesn't feel right to him. I respect where he is right now and that he was honest about things. But I still have to work with him and I still like him, so the whole thing is frustrating. I want to hope that down the line, it may work out. But, I can't let myself fall into closing off from other realtionships that may occur while hoping for him. Arrgggghhhh! Why is dating so hard??? How do I deal with this now?
loveleen Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 i think you should learn from this! don't date guys that have baggage (ex. recent ex girlfriend that he is obviously not over yet) i say don't be cold to him, since you work with him, but just say your hellos and goodbyes keep it short and polite but don't have anything to do with him outside of the work place or talk to him too often because he might lead you on again since, like you said, you guys get along very well.
georgejungle Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 you leanr to deal with it, by dealing with it. you gotta totally get yer head out of this matter and throw yourself into something else. I agree, don't get involved with guys who have "baggage". i feel bad for a certain girl i know that really liked me at one time. I couldn't fully give myself to her when we went out a few fun boy/girl dates, just hanging out, because i was too hung up on my ex who i had been with for 4 years, but had recently been dumped by. This girl really liked me, we had a lot in common, we had fun times, i liked her too, but again, i was just too hung up on my ex... Which is better for me, since that ex is now my WIFE, ha! Anyway, you never know...Your BF's ex, may be his "someone".
Author gldngirl Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Yeah, I'm flipping back and forth between, keeping him at a distance and wanting to be his friend. He stated that he wants us to get along and not to fall out, but I'm not sure I can get over him and move on if we continue to get on so well. It would almost be easier if he was being a jerk.... We haven't talked much outside work and he's only texted me once, and that was a factual text, nothing personal. We work in a bar and he's my boss, so ignoring him isn't really an option for me. I feel like I wanna talk to him about it, since during the split, he did most the talking and I just sat there listening. But I'm afraid I'll come off all needy and overly sensitive. What should I do? Should I tell him I need space or should I continue to be friends with him and risk getting hurt by un-returned feelings?
BCCA Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Yeah, I'm flipping back and forth between, keeping him at a distance and wanting to be his friend. He stated that he wants us to get along and not to fall out, but I'm not sure I can get over him and move on if we continue to get on so well. It would almost be easier if he was being a jerk.... We haven't talked much outside work and he's only texted me once, and that was a factual text, nothing personal. We work in a bar and he's my boss, so ignoring him isn't really an option for me. I feel like I wanna talk to him about it, since during the split, he did most the talking and I just sat there listening. But I'm afraid I'll come off all needy and overly sensitive. What should I do? Should I tell him I need space or should I continue to be friends with him and risk getting hurt by un-returned feelings? The great unknown. Probably the most painful and frustrating situation to find oneself in. Will he change his mind with some time? Was it all BS? Is he just affraid of getting hurt? Scared? Not ready? I remember getting this sort of stuff from my ex, and going to my dad with my problems, and he looked me right in the eyes and said two words: "Self preservation". It's all about you, and taking care of your feelings. Sure, you have to take a chance every now and again, but why take the chance when you're behind the 8-ball on your feelings, not to mention work, are on the line? If you get strung along, or feel you have, trust me - you're not going to be working there very long. The pain and anger will become unbearable, especially in such close quarters. It's funny that you mention him not being a jerk, but let's take a look at a couple key points here: 1. He did the "Houdini" bit on your calls/texts for 3 days. Nothing says 'no respect for you' like ignoring a text or not calling. Whether he has his own stuff going on or not, ignoring your texts and such for 3 days is ridiculous. He could have easily told you what he had on his mind, if that was even the reason. 2. "It's not you, it's me". Wow. Probably #1/2 on the top 10 BS excuses for breaking it off. I've met someone 2 weeks after being in a 2 year relationship, and I was the dumpee, and I thought she was great. We dated for 6 months, and realized that we weren't on the same page as far as long term plans were concerned, and went our seperate ways, but she was a great distraction from everything else. Point is, and always is, where there is a will there is a way. I just think, for sanity's sake, you should be polite and friendly, but treat him like you would any other friend. Keep your distance, and do not ingauge in any flirty behavior/texts/convo's/etc. Just keep your distance, and work just like you did before you started to like him. If it's difficult to work around him, find another job. I know, these arent the best options ever, but they're your best bets. Don't let yourself get hurt over and over if you can avoid it.
D-Lish Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I was just going to say DON'T BE HIS FRIEND... Then I saw he was your boss. Ugh. It would be worth finding another job! If you didn't talk or see each other outside of work, it's sort of telling that he was treating things lightly. Having bar experience is valuable- in order to avoid putting yourself in the situation of being vulnerable, I don't think I'd try and work with him anymore. The fact that he's your boss and engaged in this is sort of inappropriate:confused:.
Author gldngirl Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 wow, you guys, thanks! It's one of those situations I find myself in, where you are trying to be the bigger person and trying to make sure that they dont' feel awkward to the determent of yourself. This is a habit of mine. After reading your replies, I'm realizing he may be nice and we may get on well, but in being my boss and being older than I am, he should have thought the situation out more. D-Lish, while we were together, we did talk outside of work and hangout. The text I was referring to has been our only communication outside of work since the split. BCCA, wow! great advice! All stuff that I know, but hearing it from someone else helps. All my friends here are doing the usual "he doesn't know what he's missing" and "you deserve better" stuff, and that's all good but it doesn't really help me get over him. The whole radio silent bit, instead of just sucking it up and being a man and being honest was very hurtful. He's 8 years older than me and I don't know that I would have gotten a reply before we worked a shift together if I hadn't run into him at the grocery store. It was very disrespectful. And, "it's not you, it's me" was an awful thing to hear. It's the biggest cop out he could have chosen. We worked together last night, and things were a little colder than they had been on the previous shift (the night after I found out) but they weren't awful. My newest probelm is, we have tickets to see some concerts together towards the end of Jan and Feb. I don't want to give up my tickets but don't feel it's fair to ask him to not go. He's already stated that he still wants to go to see the bands. But, the group going is gonna be made up of my friends and him.
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