He liked my body better no questions asked.. but he chose to stay with her

[loveleen]

ive been NC for three weeks now.. and my story is long dont really need to explain much except that my ex has a girlfriend for about six months now and he just ended his "secret" relationship with me gross i know it was bad shame shame. but im curious, do looks matter? is it any kind of factor?

 

she is short and chubby. i am taller and skinny. he told his friends she was too fat.. and that he liked my body better no questions asked.. but he chose to stay with her.. it threw me off a little because if he said what he said and hes very shallow.. idk it just confused me. idk maybe he just knows ive forgiven him for all the things hes done so he thinks ill always be here no matter how bad he treats me so he chose to stay with her because shes new.

 

i think i just answered my own question. sorry if this confused you

[carhill]

"Looks" do matter, but not in the way you think they do. Your criteria for how a woman's appearance affects a man are different from a man's criteria. This can explain why someone you may see as "short and chubby" can be attractive to a man whom you might never have thought would find attractive, even if "friends" say he said something to the contrary.

 

Your ex lied to you, big time. Deal breaker in my opinion. Hope the other lady kicks him to the curb too

[loveleen]

thanks for answering to my thread gahh i can see some things differently now.. when he was cheating on her with me(yes, very bad! shame!), he would tell me their sex life was bad because he didnt like her body type and yadayada but i guess he was just saying that to make me agree more to getting intimate with him -_- god i was so dumb.

[carhill]

Yes, this is a good life lesson. Hopefully, lots more of them before we're dead

 

FWIW, there's someone I love dearly who I've seen at 105lbs and 190lbs (on a 5'2" frame) and there was absolutely no difference in how her appearance affected me. She was (and is) just as attractive no matter what her weight. It doesn't have to do with her looks. I met her 25 years ago when she was somewhere in the middle, weight-wise. It's how a man feels when he's with a woman that matters. This applies to friends, lovers and spouses. Some men will base "feelings" on physical appearance. Some will not. Your ex apparently has unique taste in that regard

[loveleen]

haha i see what you mean its good to know that there are guys out there that aren't shallow!

 

another thing that's interesting is that me and his new girlfriend have the same exact personalities and hobbys(we are both cheerleaders and the captains as well).. his friends have said that to him, her and i have discussed it as well(when we were friends before he cheated on her), and he has said it to me himself. but i hope to god my next boyfriend isnt the same as my ex! god please no. hahahhaha

[BCCA]

Well, here's a tip from a man's perspective: we would never be with anyone we found unattractive. We wouldn't introduce them to our friends, or admit to being their boyfriend's if we did not think they were attractive. Sure, everyone's body is different, and you may enjoy different things about them, but at the end of the day, he's staying with this girl; everything he told you about finding her unattractive was a lie. As Carhill said, dealbreaker.

 

And he cheated on her with you. What happens if you got back together with him and he got bored again?

[EmperorR]

Looks aren't the end with all, look around you on a day to day basis you will always see either the male or female of a relationship far more attractive than the other.

 

Plus everyone has their own preferences, some people like tall people some people short, some slim some chubby etc.

 

 

From my own experience, my ex was slim very slim she looked like a European model looks and all that, the girl i'm talking to now, is short and she is kind of chubby, usually I would never ever in my life talk to a girl like this, but funny when I had no one to talk to she was there for me, and guess what I fell for her, now I find her chubbyness cute, and suddenly I'm falling for her.

[IcemanJB]

I'd be lying if I said looks didn't matter. Looks won't necessarily make or break the deal, but with that said, there has to be that initial attraction even if she has the greatest personality in the world. I'd rather date a girl with a great personality and average looks, vs. a girl with great looks and average personality.

 

But it really comes down to the guy's preference. My roommates and I have totally different views of what we find attractive. They for the most part like the tall, skinny, tan, blonde type...I just don't find that attractive. Put a girl who's 5'5" with dark hair, dark eyes and light skin and I'll be more attracted to her than any other blonde in the room. Actually, every girl I've dated with the exception of one has fit that description (or close to).

 

Really, looks aren't that important (but do play a role) because people have very different preferences. Don't get caught up on it! I mean if girls find a 5'6", pale, blonde haired blue eyed guy attractive (me), I'm SURE guys will find you attractive lol.

[loveleen]

i understand. thanks for your answers