AAlike Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 We can't take fantasies too seriously. Him expressing that to you is a good thing. He trusts you to tell you what he thinks about. Fantasizing is healthy and being able to express them to each other is healthy. I have many that I wouldn't even think of actually living out, but they're there nonetheless Exactly! This is a great response. I think that this thread can be summed up with a bit from a Bill Maher stand-up - I am paraphrasing a LOT but the basic gist is something like: "This marriage therapist suggested men and women should share their sexual fantasies. Yeah, that'll work. Unfortunately there is no story in which prince charming rides in on a white horse, saves the princess from the black knight, and then * ahems * on her face" and that's fairly true - men think of "sexual fantasies" in the most primal of manners. the implication that because your ex provided the most common, overhyped and cliched answer to your fantasy question that you are somehow inadequate I think is really overanalyzing the situation, and to me in no way indicates that he's unsatisfied with you sexually. I highly doubt that much forethought even went into his answer, honestly. Again, this would be different if, out of the blue, he started bringing up a threesome, pressuring you into it, and/or complaining about your sex life...but to me, you asked a question and got the most run-of-the-mill answer to that question. if he was ok with you not being comfortable with it, he probably never even gave it a second thought.
clv0116 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 You said you'd be OK with a 3some with you, your gf, and another girl. Nope. I said I'd be OK if she asked for another girl. Stop trying to build strawmen.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Nope. I said I'd be OK if she asked for another girl. Stop trying to build strawmen. No, this is what you said: "if my GF wanted to be with another girl I'd be OK with it" but hey, not going to mince words with you here. So I'll put it this way considering the words you originally wrote. So what if she wanted another guy instead? How would you feel?
whitburn1986 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 No, this is what you said: "if my GF wanted to be with another girl I'd be OK with it" but hey, not going to mince words with you here. So I'll put it this way considering the words you originally wrote. So what if she wanted another guy instead? How would you feel? I'd never do a threesome, MFF/MMF ones, as they're just plain tacky and sick. Threesomes. Ugh. Not a nice thing. Sorry to be so blunt - but they are just a bit too, well, an excuse to cheat. If you're in a relationship you don't cheat/get off with someone else/whatever. End of. They bring out the worst in relationships, not the best, and open up a Pandora's box of negative emotions. Don't go there. I'd never do it, and I'm glad I haven't ever been involved in one. As for people saying "It's a standard male fantasy", that's stereotyping; some men would be disgusted by the thought of it, including me. Just avoid them - threesomes bring out negative emotion and hurt, and no positive gain can ever come from one. As I said above, no positive gain, just never convince your partner to have a threesome. If you must have one, try role-playing another guy/girl (from what I heard, the brain was supposed to be the biggest sex organ according to this link: http://www.51plus.com/the_biggest_sexual_organ_really_is_the_brain_.htm Sorry to go off-topic for a second. Dexter, keep posting the great advice! Anyway, role-playing another guy/girl to have sex with would probably be more fun than a threesome. I can't comment on it as I haven't actually done it myself, but it could be for some people, if they were adventurous enough to do it.
clv0116 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 No, this is what you said: "if my GF wanted to be with another girl I'd be OK with it" Don't be an idiot, I can't read minds, if she wanted another girl obviously she'd have to say so. This fact renders the rest of your post obsolete.
clv0116 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Anyway, role-playing another guy/girl to have sex with would probably be more fun than a threesome. How is that not a threesome? I picked up girls when I was single - was that not a threesome?
whitburn1986 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 How is that not a threesome? I picked up girls when I was single - was that not a threesome? That's not a threesome. My mistake suggesting that in my post above.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Don't be an idiot, I can't read minds, if she wanted another girl obviously she'd have to say so. This fact renders the rest of your post obsolete. Well, I answered a question and you don't want to answer it to reveal your double standard. thanks for dodging the questions
clv0116 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 Well, I answered a question and you don't want to answer it to reveal your double standard. There's no double standard here, but you are trying your best. If she wants a girl I would be OK with it, and the reciprocal of that is that if *I* wanted a guy added she should be OK with that. If I asked for another girl *then* she would logically be entitled to ask for a guy. I don't know how to make it simpler.
clv0116 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 That's not a threesome. My mistake suggesting that in my post above. So 2 girls and 1 guy going at it is not a threesome? I always thought that was precisely what it was? What would you call it? What is a threesome?
Dexter Morgan Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 There's no double standard here, but you are trying your best. If she wants a girl I would be OK with it, and the reciprocal of that is that if *I* wanted a guy added she should be OK with that. If I asked for another girl *then* she would logically be entitled to ask for a guy. I don't know how to make it simpler. You just aren't getting it. I'll make a flat out question and forget what you think you said earlier. here it is, if you don't want to answer the question, that in itself will give me my answer. the question is in two parts....first she comes to you and says: "I want a threesome with you, me and another girl"....Would you or would you not be ok with that? 2nd question....she comes to you and says: "I want a threesome with you, me and another guy"...Would you or would you not be ok with that?
clv0116 Posted January 26, 2009 Posted January 26, 2009 I'll make a flat out question and forget ... OK, so you now want to talk about something different I guess? I would too if I were you. Let me make it simple. Same sex:Her asking to be with someone of the same sex.Me asking to be with someone of the same sex.[*]Opposite sex:Her asking to be with someone of the opposite sex. Me asking to be with someone of the opposite sex. You are choosing one from menu '1' and one from '2' and insisting they are the same somehow. They are not and the cases you ask about are fundamentally different and therefore comparing them is pointless.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 OK, so you now want to talk about something different I guess? I would too if I were you. Let me make it simple. Same sex:Her asking to be with someone of the same sex.Me asking to be with someone of the same sex. [*]Opposite sex: Her asking to be with someone of the opposite sex.Me asking to be with someone of the opposite sex. You are choosing one from menu '1' and one from '2' and insisting they are the same somehow. They are not and the cases you ask about are fundamentally different and therefore comparing them is pointless. I think anyone can see that you don't want to say, "a 3some with me and 2 women would be fine with me......a 3some with me, my girlfriend and another guy would be out of the question" Like I said, your refusal to answer the question is all too telling. thank you:)
clv0116 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 I think anyone can see .... What anyone can see is that I'd never ask for a three-some with someone I had an established relationship with but that if they wanted it I would be as flexible as I could to keep them happy. I do however have boundaries.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 What anyone can see is that I'd never ask for a three-some with someone I had an established relationship with but that if they wanted it I would be as flexible as I could to keep them happy. I do however have boundaries. Ok, so if they wanted it, as you said, you would do either a MFF or a MFM 3some?
clv0116 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Ok, so if they wanted it, as you said, you would do either a MFF or a MFM 3some? Nope, I'm not OK with my girl being with another man. Is there some point to this?
Dexter Morgan Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Nope, I'm not OK with my girl being with another man. Is there some point to this? Yes, you are NOT OK with your girl being with another man in a MFM(since that is the question I asked). But its OK if it was another girl. As I said, double standard. Thank you. I know, you'll come back and say it isn't. Ho hum.
clv0116 Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 As I said, double standard. Thank you. If I tell a child they can have honey on their waffle but not cyanide is that also a double standard? If so I'm OK with double standards. But I think not since I'm telling her she can't be with someone of the opposite sex and I'm willing to live by the same STANDARD.
joh2141 Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 This is the secret to all guys, but it pretty much isn't a secret. Guys love girl on girl action. It depends on what kind of guys but generally they love girl on girl action. Now, if that is something they like and you asked guys for their sexual fantasies, they would definitely say a threesome while seeing girl on girl action and having you at the same time. In truth, some guys are blunt and don't think talking about this is offensive. But it's not like you are being pissy or anything. Not liking the idea of a threesome means you're a good girl. You like the intimacy that only you and your partner shares. To be honest, a guy having this fantasy shouldn't be a reason to break up with him. Chances are, most guys love the idea of two girls making out. Personally, I'm more about one on one with someone I really like. That way, it's special and all. Now, if you really FEEL that you must break up with someone, then that is overall your decision. It makes girls feel as if they aren't enough for the guy, but this isn't true. It's like let's say your boyfriend isn't that great looking and you sometimes wished he looked like whatever actors you think is hot. Sure, the level of it is a lot different but generally they are the same.
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