dazedconfused Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Ill start with some background information, a week before christmas my gf of almost a year and a half broke it off. At first she told me she just needed time to her self(space), she said she had a lot of stuff going on with her finals coming up lots of school work and her brother was going to be in town till the beginning of january. Originally she told me she just wanted the "break" until her brother left so she could concentrate on him and her family. I took it hard still and remained in the same contact and almost as if the relationship had still carried on. During the "break" we visited often i took her and her brother to the movies, i went to her house on christmas. But I became impatient and began doing things i shouldnt have, i started to feel the break up and didnt want it to happen so I started trying to pressure her back into the relationship instead of giving her time and space. Her brother left at the beginning of this month and I asked her if she was ready for a relationship, it seems that on her "break" she came to a realization that she just enjoys being single and wants to remain single. I took it really hard and started asking her questions like why do you want to be single? do u not love me? why wont u give me a second chance? It seems that anytime i referred towards our relationship the answer was most deffinately an "I dont know". I realised more recently that what I really needed to do was not smother her.. give her space and time to think things through. I haven't been calling her anymore I still text her but most of the time in response to her texts. She still does talk to me quite often actually (day to day basis) And just yesterday we finnaly got a chance to see eachother again in over 2 weeks. I went and visited her we walked and talked for awhile I tried to seem "on top of my game" as I would put it.. Positive, confident, controlled, and funny. Yet while doing these things she gave me hints about "being friends" little nudges as I would put it. At the same time tho, she did seem to try and distance herself from me as I would put it, instead of the loving hugs I would normally get, she would give me little pat on the back hugs. She even went as far to tell me about some guy I know who has now been hitting on her. While we were there we even talked about being "single" She told me how she loved being single, but that at the same time she isnt looking for any guy. She even said to me "I think i want to be single for like atleast a year" I can't stand the distance I want to get her back, what I want to know is how does she feel towards me? Is there any chance for reconciling this? Or should I just let it be? I dont want to be her "friend" and I did tell her that. What I need is some advice on the situation and to know if I still have a chance! Im extremely confused and dont know what to do. Thank you for all ur help and suggestions Also, I dont understand why but even while broken up I confronted her about the situation a couple times when we were face to face. By the end of the conversation she had rapped herself around me and I found her kissing me... WTF!? Why!? I was very emotional at the time.. brink of tears etc opening my feelings up to her was this an act of saying Im sorry? Or what just another mind**** game I went through ><
Kage111 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Wow, this is almost the exact same thing that happened to me. My recommendation is to give her the year of singleness she wants, and spend that year working on yourself, dating other people, and at the end of the year (or if you're lucky, sooner) maybe you two can get back together. Good luck.
Author dazedconfused Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Wow, this is almost the exact same thing that happened to me. My recommendation is to give her the year of singleness she wants, and spend that year working on yourself, dating other people, and at the end of the year (or if you're lucky, sooner) maybe you two can get back together. Good luck. Yeah i feel for you man it sucks... I just dont understand what she's feeling or how she feels towards me I just wanna know the inner workings of her brain! lol I need female help on this situation ><
Posco_Proudfoot Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I'd move on. Don't wait. This can also be a classic example of a girl saying she wants to break up but wants to tow the current bf along just in case.
FF84 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Yeah i feel for you man it sucks... I just dont understand what she's feeling or how she feels towards me I just wanna know the inner workings of her brain! lol I need female help on this situation >< What is there to understand? Sorry to be blunt, but she doesn't feel anything for you anymore. If she did, she wouldn't have dumped you. Nobody wants space or time to be single if they're with someone who rocks their world. She's just not that into you anymore. Let her be free and find someone who is into you, don't be waiting for her. You can spend hours analysing things, but the only thing that matters is that she told you she doesn't want you anymore. The 'i need time to be single' line is bull**** and a 'nice' way of saving someone's feelings. Sorry, this one's gone.
Author dazedconfused Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 see but the thing is i ask her about it and she doesnt know... obviously she doesnt feel the same towards me But i can't help but wonder if its something i can change... I know when we broke up she said there were things that I needed to work on before we could ever work anything out and at the same time i do still feel that she is holding me close to her just incase...
BCCA Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 see but the thing is i ask her about it and she doesnt know... obviously she doesnt feel the same towards me But i can't help but wonder if its something i can change... I know when we broke up she said there were things that I needed to work on before we could ever work anything out and at the same time i do still feel that she is holding me close to her just incase... Bro, she KNOWS!!! Trust me, I heard more 'i dont knows' than most people have in their life from my ex, but the thing was, she always knew...she just didnt want to be honest with me. If she told you straight up "i dont feel the same way about you anymore" youre going to go out and find someone else. Then her backup plan is screwed, and she doesnt have a security blanket. She is holding you close to her to use you. She might need a favor or to get laid, but shes not holding onto you because she might want to get back together. She is over the relationship, plain and simple. You dont dump people you want to be with. You might want something from them at some point, like I mentioned before, but she is not going to go out being single for a year and then come back to you. And at that point, do you want her? Lord only knows what shes been doing... Listen to FF84: The 'i need time to be single' line is bull**** and a 'nice' way of saving someone's feelings. This one is over. Do not remain in contact with this woman, walk away and save yourself the pain.
EmperorR Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Ah ah I got the same crap from my cheating ex I need space I want to be alone a week later in another man's arm. Yeah she wants space from you, ya she wants to be alone from you
Ty Webb Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 The same thing just happend to me, you could have written my story. Let me tell you how it ends. Her with somebody else. She doesn't love you any more and has told everyone she knows she is single, except you. She can now go spend time with every one she wants to, which isn't you. I know, like i said, it just happend to me. I am 10 days with no contact and have decided to never take another call or answer another text. She walked away, not you so you should move on at this point because dragging it out only gives you hope and although you think it feels good, it will eventually tear you apart which is what has happend to me. She sounds like the type who would drag you along until she is sure finds her new guy, it sounds like you gave her a to do so. Big mistake! Get her out of your life. Good luck
EmperorR Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 The same thing just happend to me, you could have written my story. Let me tell you how it ends. Her with somebody else. She doesn't love you any more and has told everyone she knows she is single, except you. She can now go spend time with every one she wants to, which isn't you. I know, like i said, it just happend to me. I am 10 days with no contact and have decided to never take another call or answer another text. She walked away, not you so you should move on at this point because dragging it out only gives you hope and although you think it feels good, it will eventually tear you apart which is what has happend to me. She sounds like the type who would drag you along until she is sure finds her new guy, it sounds like you gave her a to do so. Big mistake! Get her out of your life. Good luck Yep, here's a little analogy I was just thinking about, it may be horrible because I suck at analogies, but it's like a old and new job. Your at a old job it's ok, you love it, but your unsure of it, even though it's always there for you, stable, a great future awaits. Old Job = you , stable, comfortable, respectful, great perks etc. new job = new relationship, "exciting":rolleyes:, no one knows what the future holds these type of women I'm not saying all they won't quit the job (relationship), without having someone else lined up, They detach from the relationship months in advance but continue on the charade (i love my job it's great), while slowly detaching and seeking new opportunities, when they find someone they give their notice, and a short time later they start their new exciting fresh job, their new job starts out great it's exciting and everything then sometimes they realize they make a mistake but pride is to big or the previous company (you) already filled that spot (new girlfriend), so you either reject them coming back, or they find a new job all over again (different relationship) wheww basically I'm just saying, the odds of a women leaving a good healthy relationship to be alone is a croak of bs, 95% of the time there is a new "friend" in the picture.
Joker77 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Any person who says they don't know are liars and cowards. Trust me, I know this from experience. It just helps the person save face because they don't have the backbone to tell you they don't want you around anymore, so they take the coward's way out by pulling the "I need space" crap. "I need space" is code for "I don't want you anymore but I'm too cowardly to say so, so I'll just hope with the I need space line, that you will just go away and make it an easy break"
Posco_Proudfoot Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Any person who says they don't know are liars and cowards. Trust me, I know this from experience. It just helps the person save face because they don't have the backbone to tell you they don't want you around anymore, so they take the coward's way out by pulling the "I need space" crap. "I need space" is code for "I don't want you anymore but I'm too cowardly to say so, so I'll just hope with the I need space line, that you will just go away and make it an easy break" This. Also, another code is "I need to find myself". Same as "I need to find myself away from you without telling you".
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