ATR Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Basically my ex broke up with me a month ago... Ive been no contact for 3 weeks... Today my friend on msn tells me he saw her in town with another dude. He says that they're just friends... i think differently. I ask him if his name is J. He says it is. So i know they're going out. My ex told me while she while we were in our relationship that her friends were trying to set her up with J. Im not sure if im hurt, im shaking at the moment. But can i use this as closure knowing that she emotionally cheated rather than her "i still like you, i'm sorry but i just cant take the long distance" bull****.
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 dude **** that. Not a whole lot is lower than a girl hooking up with a guy while she is still dating you. Trust me I just got done with this. and even though they SAY they weren't while you were with them, as far as I can tell thats always BS if they hook up with them real shortly after they break your heart.........ugh, rage. P.s- This has nothing to do with if they had sex or not. Emotional cheating can be just as painful
Author ATR Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 AARGHHH! IM SO ****ING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!!! she said nothing would happen between them its all ****ing bull****! She said the only reason she broke up with me because of the distance and that she "still liked me" WHY THEY **** DO I CARE!!!!! SHE ****ING CHEATED ON ME IN MY VIEW! WHEN HE'S GONE I WONT COME BACK!
lofi_tokyo Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 It may feel like you're back to square one, but you're not! Each thing that happens - be it good or bad - is bringing you one step closer to finding a new person to cherish and love. That being said... It ****ing hurts finding that kind of thing out. I was in a similar boat. The anger/hurt will subside, just give it some time (sorry I cant offer much more than that).
Author ATR Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Im shaking soo ****ing badly right now. But yes i guess this will help me move on... knowing that i deserve better than her bull**** i deserve better after i ****ing treated her with respect and everything, she was already ready to get with another ****ing guy:mad:
Riffmeister General Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Dude, I think we're living parallel lives! Sounds exactly what happened to me, except she admitted that despite nothing happening, she had feelings for another guy, and basically tried to blame me for going away for so long! She also said in the past NOTHING would happen with ANY of her friends EVER. That was a load of BS, clearly. End of the day, there's no point in dwelling on what was said a while ago. Things change. She might have truly meant it at the time, but things change. I feel like I'm back to square 1 after the last couple of days (peaked on myspace and saw she's completely moved on), but then I realise there's no way to know what she's thinking. If she looked at my Facebook, she'd think I'd moved on, and that's not true at all! We're not at square 1 tho dude. I really hope we're not anyway! It's just another dip that was always gonna happen anyway, can't do anything about it. I think of it more like a road than a graph. Along that road are obstacles, and you might get quite close to the end of the road and come across the biggest obstacle yet, but it doesn't mean you're any further from your destination. Sometimes the hardest times come RIGHT near the end of your recovery, because it's the bit your mind has been putting off dealing with, but once you have, it's smooth sailing!
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 No, I think this anger is if anything putting us all closer to our goal of not giving two flying ****s about our ex's. I'm a nice guy, let my girl be friends with whoever she wanted. She gets this dude friend they become "best friends" I ask if she has feelings for him, she says no. A month later I catch them cuddling together at her place and after a month of BS and being strung along and lies and me trying to be patient with her because I love her she breaks up with me anyway with a list of BS reasons. Then a week later goes out with this guy. Isn't life grand......god dammit I'm so pissed off.:mad::mad:
Author ATR Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 God i can't explain how much no contact has helped. And i'm glad i never had the urge to look at her myspace/facebook/bebo. Whatever. I should have seen this coming from a long way away. I will use this as closure... this gives me a reason to be happy that we are over! I hope never to hear or speak to her again... How could she do this to me! I dont ****ing deserve this!
melissa123 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 ART YOU ARE MY TWIN!!! Your story is EXACT to mine!!! My ex broke up with me saying he still liked me but the distance was really getting him down bla bla. He had a bestfriend while we were together who he was VERY close to and always told me there was nothing going on and would never be and she was just like a sister. Well two weeks after we break up I find out they are together!!!!!!! Im sure it must have evolved behind my back. And I got all the bull ****, "I really like you but cant take the distance" Im so mad at myself as I was so good and nice to him when we broke up! Now I just wanna kill him ITS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!! So ART I know your pain!!!
Author ATR Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 ART YOU ARE MY TWIN!!! Your story is EXACT to mine!!! My ex broke up with me saying he still liked me but the distance was really getting him down bla bla. He had a bestfriend while we were together who he was VERY close to and always told me there was nothing going on and would never be and she was just like a sister. Well two weeks after we break up I find out they are together!!!!!!! Im sure it must have evolved behind my back. And I got all the bull ****, "I really like you but cant take the distance" Im so mad at myself as I was so good and nice to him when we broke up! Now I just wanna kill him ITS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!! So ART I know your pain!!! Lol, now that is weird! Yeah, before i found out about this i was still holding onto hope that she come back say she's sorry and everything, god knows why. I should have seen this coming from a mile off. Infact the day she broke up with me i had an urge to say "Ok, whatever, have fun with J" like i already knew her plan. What pisses me off is that in the first ever converstation with her about bringing up J. She was like "Don't worry it wont ever happen" and i told her not to worry about it, that i trusted her and everything. My first relationship where thankfully i only lost my first kiss to. I feel used...
Riffmeister General Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Jeez, you think your break-up is the only one like it, and then two identical to yours turn up in a day... It's like it's been scripted and they're auditioning for the part in a movie or something.
EmperorR Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Like having a good job no one will leave it unless they have another waiting for it. Same thing happened to me l, whenever your ex says it's just a friend it's bs. The one they always say not to worry about is the one you should worry about.
Author ATR Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Im sorry, this was my first relationship, i'm really inexperienced with all this... Today i felt really aggressive, i didnt show it to anyone. But i would often have short outbursts in frustration when no-one was looking. I don't think i can heal from this. I will be insecure whilst in a relationship now. I wish i had never met her:(
You'reasian Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Basically my ex broke up with me a month ago... Ive been no contact for 3 weeks... Today my friend on msn tells me he saw her in town with another dude. He says that they're just friends... i think differently. I ask him if his name is J. He says it is. So i know they're going out. My ex told me while she while we were in our relationship that her friends were trying to set her up with J. Im not sure if im hurt, im shaking at the moment. But can i use this as closure knowing that she emotionally cheated rather than her "i still like you, i'm sorry but i just cant take the long distance" bull****. Sorry to hear this. Communication is the key to making long distance relationships work. If you cannot communicate, the relationship will suffer. Perhaps its in some interests to let LTR slowly die off if they aren't into LTR or just aren't into that person, but I can say that frequent communication and being true would keep it moving forward. Best of luck!
Author ATR Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 We did communicate allot. Normally a phone call every night, numerous texts throughout the day... She just never told me when something was bothering her i think. I asked her at the start that we be totally honest and open about everything. She obviously didnt. She told her friend that she was unhappy at the start, not me, she probably influenced her to break-up.
Surfer Dude Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 We did communicate allot. Normally a phone call every night, numerous texts throughout the day... She just never told me when something was bothering her i think. I asked her at the start that we be totally honest and open about everything. She obviously didnt. She told her friend that she was unhappy at the start, not me, she probably influenced her to break-up. It happens quite often that women are talked into breaking up with their partners by their dumb female friends. These dumb girls do it for several reasons: They are jealous of their friends who are doing well in the relationship departmentThey are trying to validate the reason for doing the same to their exs, to alleviate their guilt, because it's easier to share that kind of guilt with someone else You'll have to deal with the pain until it goes away, but as for the next time, you'll be much smarter and better at seeing red flags. Women often say "I will never cheat on you" or "I will stay with your forever" but you should know it's BS. Don't believe words. Observe actions. If she hangs out with her "best friend" too much, it doesn't matter what she says. Her actions speak for themselves.
Author ATR Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks for the advice:) I'm feeling allot better now. I know i deserve better than this. I am currently talking to this girl i like. I haven't met her in person yet, but to me she seems really nice. Without her i would be distraught, thinking about my ex and all. But i dont want to seem needy and desperate to her so i am taking things slowly for now, just getting to know her, showing her my sense of humour etc I really want it to progress to something more. Anyways yeah thanks for the advice everyone.
You'reasian Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 It happens quite often that women are talked into breaking up with their partners by their dumb female friends. These dumb girls do it for several reasons: They are jealous of their friends who are doing well in the relationship departmentThey are trying to validate the reason for doing the same to their exs, to alleviate their guilt, because it's easier to share that kind of guilt with someone else Maybe, but I think a more likely reason is that a woman hates loosing her ladyfriend to her activities with you. Jealousy could be involved over competition for time and attention. Women vent to each other about all the details and will convince each other to go one direction or the other - in some cases, give their friends advice about their friend's guy based on experiences with guys whom are completely different than the one in question. That's just the way it works.
Mikey Action Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 They are jealous of their friends who are doing well in the relationship departmentThey are trying to validate the reason for doing the same to their exs, to alleviate their guilt, because it's easier to share that kind of guilt with someone else Emotional affairs are even worse than cheating because of the "build up" in their minds of that new person coincides with your downfall in a parallel and linear way. I agree with the quote above. This can be true. Women don't want to tell you they aren't feeling the relationship anymore because it is safe. Women need safety. They need the comfort of the safety net. Look at it this way. When I learned to ride a bike, I rode it and rode it and fell down over and over until I learned to ride it. Every woman I have ever met. Every one. Learned to ride a bike using training wheels. For several months you were training wheels. She was afraid if she came to you with her problems, rather then talk about it, you would decide to move on. The selfish nature of people dictates that if someone is going to be hurt, better you than me. Instead she took the time to get herself mentally prepared for separating from you. That way when it happened, you were the one hurting and not her. This is done by both sexes, and it is cowardly. An adult would realize they are unhappy and come out and try to find a way to share this with their partner and fix it. A coward prepares to break up with someone so they don't feel as bad as the other. This is a fact. Mature people do not do this. Just like the stories on here are universal, so are the end results. If there EVER was love there she will contact you again, a text, an email, a call, something. If she doesn't contact you at all then it's done and was never meant to be. If she does, proceed with caution and parity. At this stage of breaking up for HER it is about control. She wants to control you, which gives her balance, while she deals with a new guy who is in an uncontrollable state. For women a relationship is good to them only as long as the lack control over their partner. In the meantime, cowboy up and go forward. It hurts, you're sad. The reason you are sad is because you trusted someone who duped you NOT because you are a jackass or a bad person. Dante's 9th circle of hell is reserved for those who were bound by close personal ties and broke them. There is a reason for this. Betrayal is, for lack of a better word, bad. Move. On. There are tons of women out there, and every one of them is unique and special. Find one. Finding a new person is the best thing you can do, but be fair. If you're still comparing women you meet to your ex or hung up on her DO NOT DATE. Give every new woman you meet a fair and impartial shot at being the one for you! Cheers
Author ATR Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Mikey, thank you so much for that, it really opened my eyes to how my ex was. I'm guessing she was doing this from the start then because she never told me that she was annoyed at me or anything untill a couple of days before she broke up with me. I think it was just an excuse. But you're right she is immature, in realtionships anyway. She did piss me off a few times during it, we did not argue though. I let her know and she went all "sorry" on me. Now the first time she lets me know shes annoyed at me she breaks up with me. I could have easily ended it months back though. She was meant to be seeing me, but she doubted she could. So she waits till one day before were meant to be meeting and tells me she cant visit me that i should go to her (again). I got annoyed, I told her this and that she doesnt seem like she wants to see me, however she insisted she did. But it's all bull**** to me now anyway. On to the next special girl, i hope it will last and that i wont be insecure towards her because of this cowardly bitch. I'm reading the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" which i've seen CaliGuy recommend a few times. I think i was too nice to her sometimes. This has all helped me learn so much about myself though. I will pull through in the end. Hopefully a better, confident guy than i have ever been in my life.
Mikey Action Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 Hey man, everyone has been there. I've been there. As little as a few weeks ago. you gotta be strong. It's hard to even take my own advice at times, but hey, I gotta do it. I'd just say don't put your ex on a pedestal. She has flaws, faults, does bad things. Don't focus on her good and ignore the bad. Look at her as a complete person. So often we idealize our ex after they leave. That's what traps us in the cycle, I believe. The whole reason "tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" It isn't about love. It's about learning. It doesn't mean treasure the time you had. It means loving and losing teaches you things. Roughly 50% of the people on the planet are women. Take the average US city. Population: 1 million, 500,000 women. Of this 500,000 assume that only 10% are women you would want to date. that's 50,000 women. Of that 50,000 assume only 1% want to date you. That's one one-hundredth of a percent! a single basis point for you finance majors. That's 500 women. 500. You can find one of those 500 can't you? Man, like they say on CSI, "people lie. I follow the evidence". Move on and then see what she does. If she contacts you, you have your answer. A call, a text an email? that means she is thinking about you. Take what you will from that. Stop talking to her is what I would do. In my experience life is about timing. If I had a dollar for every woman I dated who didn't want to be with me until I had moved on to someone else...well...I'd have several dollars! "Never look back, someone might be catching up" She's had her chance, give another woman a chance now! Take care!
Author ATR Posted January 14, 2009 Author Posted January 14, 2009 One month today, since she suddenly out of the blue ended it with me. I'm feeling pretty down today. I'm going to the gym later. I really need to fix up my life. Get on with school work that i keep missing. Go out with friends (which is difficult as i keep moving place to place). I just wish things were good again. Argh im sounding selfish, there are people in far worse situations than me and here i am feeling sorry for myself. I need to man up and move on!
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