BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 You had to learn how to make it? Oh be quiet, CE! So did LB here. At least I learned when I was about 12, LB is what...mid twenties!:p What, were you born knowing how to make a grilled cheese sandwich?
Citizen Erased Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Oh be quiet, CE! So did LB here. At least I learned when I was about 12, LB is what...mid twenties!:p What, were you born knowing how to make a grilled cheese sandwich? Well yeah I guess I was. But I am awesome so perhaps it isn't the norm?
BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Well yeah I guess I was. But I am awesome so perhaps it isn't the norm? You're such a little wise ass! Ok, back to LB. Here's what I was wondering. Not clear on this. They both work full-time right? Does LB's b/f expect her to do all the cooking and cleaning? (and LB can answer maybe when she gets back) But I was just wondering about that. Because when my H and I were both working full-time, we split household (and child care ) duties. Even now that I'm mostly at home, on the weekends he gives me a break and will cook or pick up something for us to eat, throw in a load of laundry so I have a bit less to do the following week and he cleans the kitchen many times on the weekend too. We actually have little "fights" over this because I plead with him to not do it. I feel guilty since admittedly he works more hours than I do usually. But because he's OCD, and not willing to let things sit like I am, on the weekend he'll kind of take a little more control over those things - when I'm way more lax. I think he secretly likes doing those things though..it's a form of relaxation for him. How sick is that? I mean he did a load of laundry yesterday LB and folded and everything! So what's the deal? Are you supposed to work full-time AND do cleaning and cooking? Or is he just saying he wants to split the cooking and cleaning duties? Because if he's doing more than his fair share, it's not really fair right? But I get that the issue is that you're like me and more lax and wouldn't care if some of that cleaning he wants done doesn't get done. That's where I think you both need to compromise a bit. You have to have your little "messy" area though that's just your area that he can't say anything about. (Like my night table and closet.)
Lishy Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 This relationship is such hard work!!!! I feel like I am in it lol LB, tell him that you are who you are and not to try to blackmail you into doing what he wants and how he wants it!! He may as well have said to you "learn to cook and clean to my satisfaction or I am not marrying you!" Dont let him do this Stand up and be counted and tell him that although you cant cook and do not clean like he does he will have to learn to put uo with it just the way that you put up with his passive/aggressive attitude, OCD and acting like a child .. He is taking your desire to get married and using it against you and it serves a double purpose because now he has you doubting he will marry you unless you do things his way. It is working too, you dont want to cook and you are on here working out what to cook for him! I bet he isnt worrying about how to pay for your ring or how to stop acting like a child! He is not being fair and it is good to see you not go on the defensive with this LB.
BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Stand up and be counted and tell him that although you cant cook and do not clean like he does he will have to learn to put uo with it just the way that you put up with his passive/aggressive attitude, OCD and acting like a child .. I have a funny feeling that if she puts it that way, she's not going to get anywhere. Call me crazy! He is taking your desire to get married and using it against you and it serves a double purpose because now he has you doubting he will marry you unless you do things his way. It is working too, you dont want to cook and you are on here working out what to cook for him! I bet he isnt worrying about how to pay for your ring or how to stop acting like a child! Ok, I'll give you that one. He is not being fair and it is good to see you not go on the defensive with this LB. I sure hope she DOESN'T go on the defensive with it. That's what I fear for LB that she'll lose her cool and her control.
allina Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I think it's normal to run in to disagreements and annoyances when building a home with your SO. The important thing is to recognize that certain things just bother some people and try to be thoughtful about it. What gets annoying is having to ask for the same thing a million times. There are things I'm super anal about that I know drive my bf nuts, but I seriously can't help it. For example while cooking I need things washed with fruit and veggie wash, things need to be cut on a cutting board, not the counter top like my bf used to do it. I can't help it, I get super OCD about cleanliness and such. My bf knows thins and because he loves me makes these tiny changes that mean a lot to him. I of course do the same for things he's particular about. I think it's just human nature. As long as your bf isn't attacking ever little thing you do and how you do it, I think you're fine.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Alright so we had our talk. It's funny how the minute he goes to take a shower I rush to the computer! Talk went well. I said just what I posted to all of you guys. He didn't get defensive at all, he was actually very understanding. We worked out an agreement for cleaning. My chores will now be to clean the kitchen and the living room and he will clean the bathroom and bedroom. He said that most of my stuff is what gets "cluttered" in the bedroom, so I told him that he could clean it the way he likes and then if my stuff is laying somewhere to just set it aside and let me take care of it. Then nobody is telling each other how to clean and our stuff is getting put where we want it. We also made a goal to put away laundry when we get back from the laundry mat so it doesn't get wrinkled. I didn't go too deep into the marriage discussion. I told him that his comment about me being a terrible wife hurt my feelings and he agreed that he would try not to say mean things that he knows will hurt me. He was very understanding. I actually mentioned PMC and he was like shocked and said he doesn't think we need to go. The main issue we have is more of an underlying one. I want to get engaged and he doesn't (or he is putting if off). He gives me the same responses when I talk to him about it. I don't know if I will get a straight answer from him, other than "it's going to be a huge surprise." I think the next 4 months will tell a lot about our relationship and where it is going. I don't want to be desperate and I feel like I am.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Oh, plus we made dinner together! Well, it was more like him cooking the chicken and showing me how to do it. But now I know how, it's actually pretty easy! It wasn't really that bad, so I'm open to trying it again.
BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Well it sounds like it went ok, LB. So now, just give it everything you're willing to give it...stick to your agreements, surprise him with some meals occasionally and see where you both are in May. That's about all you can do right?
Citizen Erased Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Hmn I don't know...it sounds to me like more of an audition than the next 4 months of a relationship. He's calling all the shots and she has to tip toe around him hoping he'll like the dinner she made for him or the windows she cleaned...I wouldn't be happy with that if it was me.
BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 One more thing. This really bothers me. Watch for this: he would try not to say mean things that he knows will hurt me. I mean I know couples say things sometimes that hurt each other but the fact that he has to TRY to not say MEAN things, bothers me. Again, don't be mad at me, LB but I really don't think either one of you is ready for marriage and further, I'm not sure you're even a match. You're very sensitive, he's a little insensitive. You're ready to get married tomorrow practically and he's probably willing to wait years. You both have differences regarding child-rearing that although he says he'd bend to your will, I question that. Also, sometimes, (often?) the spanking/no spanking question goes beyond that into basic child-rearing differences and philosophies in other areas. He's a bit controlling and you're a bit stubborn. He's a neat freak and you're messy. He cooks, you don't. He needs more time away with his buddies than you're completely comfortable with..etc. etc. etc. I mean in and of themselves, none of these things are insurmountable, but when you really start stacking these differences up, I wonder you know?
JamesM Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Talk went well. I said just what I posted to all of you guys. He didn't get defensive at all, he was actually very understanding. We worked out an agreement for cleaning. Yikes! He doesn't mind getting advice from cyberpeople? Does he feel as if he is being ganged up against? My chores will now be to clean the kitchen and the living room and he will clean the bathroom and bedroom. I know you didn't mean it, but it sounds as if he decided the chores. Please say he did not. He was very understanding. I actually mentioned PMC and he was like shocked and said he doesn't think we need to go. My guess is that he doesn't have the issues that you do. Besides PMC will lead to marriage. I don't want to be desperate and I feel like I am. What I see as the problem is that you are doing everything to please him so he will marry you. This is not good. If you cannot be yourself, then why would you want to spend your life with someone with whom you cannot be yourself? There are allot of things I like that you post, CE, but this one struck me as "spot on"..... Hmn I don't know...it sounds to me like more of an audition than the next 4 months of a relationship. He's calling all the shots and she has to tip toe around him hoping he'll like the dinner she made for him or the windows she cleaned...I wouldn't be happy with that if it was me. He has you where he wants you. You want marriage and you see him as the way to it. He wants control and has it because you need him to propose. What happens when he proposes? How will the dynamics of the relationship change?
norajane Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 LB, no matter which guy you end up with, and no matter which woman he ends up with, there are going to be areas where you disagree, have incompatibilities, find each other's habits annoying, etc. That's because you are two separate people, and there's no way to be exactly in sync on everything, especially when you first move in together. Sure, he could find a woman who cooks, cleans, and drives exactly to his liking, but she'll likely have other things which drive him nuts. That's why every relationship is unique - we bring different characteristics to it, and we bring different characteristics out in each other. You don't have to take it so personally, OR so seriously! Have enough confidence in yourself that you don't take his every comment as a test of your worthiness for marriage. Except that this living together thing is turning out to be an audition for marriage - that's how you've set it up by being sooooooo certain you want to marry him, and how he's set it up by throwing that in your face during your arguments. Which is one reason why I don't recommend living together before marriage. This kind of stuff is details you can work out, AFTER you are committed to each other in marriage. If he brought up this stuff about cooking and cleaning AFTER you married, I doubt you would be so upset about it. Then, it's just part of adjusting to marriage and living together as a couple. But NOW, it's a test. Meet his desires, and maybe you'll be good enough to for him to marry you. Defuse the situation. Let it roll off your back and negotiate with him as if you DON'T have marriage at stake. Because you don't. Every argument is not about him wanting to marry you or not wanting to marry you. You don't want to be with someone who constantly makes you feel like you're not good enough for him, do you? Keep that in mind when he brings up this stuff. Be yourself, and be true to yourself. Compromise and negotiate, but don't put so much pressure on yourself as to believe that he's potentially going to walk away if you don't bend to his will and conform to his idea of what a proper wife should do and be. Don't set up every argument in your head as a test. And don't let him do it, either. This is not an audition - perform and you win the ring - this is your life.
gopher Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 LB, Have you read the Five Love Languages?...It seems to me, that fits your situation very well. Your b/f feels loved when he is cooked for and has a clean house, and yes that probably comes from his youth. We all typically try and love each other with the love language WE want, instead of the other person's...and that is where the disconnect comes in. Anyway, if you haven't read that book, I highly recommend it.
BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Yikes! Great post, NJ but I will have to vehemently disagree with this: Which is one reason why I don't recommend living together before marriage. This kind of stuff is details you can work out, AFTER you are committed to each other in marriage. If he brought up this stuff about cooking and cleaning AFTER you married, I doubt you would be so upset about it. Then, it's just part of adjusting to marriage and living together as a couple. But NOW, it's a test. Meet his desires, and maybe you'll be good enough to for him to marry you. No way, Jose. Anything that's a problem NOW is a problem ten-fold AFTER you get married. No way in the world should you wait until then to see if this bothers you as much or if it bothers him as much, etc...of course it will, in SPADES, I daresay. Almost anyone who has been married pretty much would agree with that. Sorry, but now IS a test. Now IS not only how it will be when you're married but not even as "good." It's really true. Not sure I articulated that very well but whatever is a problem NOW will be even worse after you get married. Either settle it now, or please don't get married. Sure you can chance it later and "adjust to living as a couple" as NJ says, but no. You're ALREADY living as a couple. The piece of paper isn't going to magically make you adjust and accept each other. Either work this stuff out beforehand, or don't get married. Because if you do get married before these issues are worked out, chances are you WILL be divorced in short order.
norajane Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Maybe I didn't explain it well...I think LB has a heightened sensitivity to any criticism or comment by her bf because of the marriage issue hanging in the balance. His comments about how she cleans or his desire for her to learn to cook wouldn't be as dramatically troubling for her, and she wouldn't be so afraid of disagreeing with him, except that she's afraid he's going to decide not to marry her if she steps wrong. She said she was willing to learn how to cook, but it takes on a whole other significance when she's worried its a condition of marriage. Learn to cook or you're not good enough to become my wife! I think she would approach the issue differently if she knew he was as committed to her as she is to him. She would approach it with less fear. If they were married and he wanted her to learn to cook, she might even approach it with a sense of fun. But now, it's about fear. But he's not afraid. He knows he can run off to Las Vegas with the boys, or invite them over for a lost weekend while he kicks LB out, or buy a motorcycle instead of an engagement ring, and he KNOWS that LB won't leave him. He's not afraid. He KNOWS she's committed to him and wants to marry him and none of his annoying habits and even hurtful actions will change her love and commitment to him. She does not know he's committed because he hasn't proposed, so she's constantly afraid. If she weren't afraid, they'd approach their disagreements from a level playing field. Which makes for easier negotiations. She's negotiating from a position of fear. Everything she does with him is from a position of fear - that if she missteps, he might decide she's not good enough to marry. And I don't think she's going to stop being fearful until he proposes and they marry. Until then, she's going to be afraid that she'll fail this living together test.
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Okay, I was away from my computer for most of today so I didn't really get the chance to weigh in. This multi-quote post will probably win a record with the Guinness Book of World Records. Most of this will probably be very similar to what I've already said to you privately, LB. He did stop name calling. He called me the "b word" a couple times and I told him that hurt me, so he hasn't done it. I'm concerned that he even had to stop to begin with. Inside, I bet he's still saying these things to himself. The mean thing he said was that I will make a terrible wife... He knows you want to marry him, so saying this was just downright cruel. He did tell me I have a ton of qualities that will make me a good wife. Such as? I'm curious because it seems like he equates cooking and cleaning with being a good wife. When I think of qualities I'm looking for, even qualities that I have to offer a man, cooking and cleaning never even come into the equation. He's weird in his views... He has this weird cooking fixation... You call his views and wants "weird" a lot. Do you realize that? Lauriebelle, you want to be a traditional SAHW/SAHM but don't want to cook or clean. Your b/f wants financial equality but also wants you to cook and clean. Do you see the disparity? This is amusing, L. I mean, before today you couldn't even make a grilled cheese sandwich? I am willing to cook and clean when I am a SAHM though, as it is important to me to stay at home with my children. While I disagree with his perspective, your BF thinks that a "good wife" LIKES to cook and clean, and does it well. Your BF is looking for wife/mother skills NOW... and I can't fault him for that, as he shouldn't wait until he's married with children before figuring out whether you meet what he's looking for. Of course, I think he's way OCD and demanding, but there's nothing wrong with looking for complimentary skills. Do NOT feel desperate! What do you think? He's the only man on earth? He's not, honey, and do NOT make him think you have to act like his mother in order to garner the pinnacle of prizes AKA a marriage proposal. I agree that an orderly and clean house is nicer to live in, and driving safely is important, but "hands on 10 and 2?" OMG! How over-the-top controlling is that?! HALLELULIJAH! Amen sister!! ^5 LB, don't think of it as "stepping up the chores." Think of it as something you want to do to make him happy. Think of this as a test. Respectfully, this is the worst piece of advice on this thread. LB, don't do anything just to make him happy. Don't do anything to pass a "test." Don't do anything just to convince him you're "wife material." Do things out of love, because you WANT to. Do things for yourself, because YOU want to. Being what he's looking for should be all natural, just as being what you're looking for should be natural for him. Having to prove oneself in a relationship, isn't the most healthy of scenarios. You'll find that the bar will keep moving around. Precisely. LB, you've NEVER been secure in this relationship. If you continue on, you will always be trying to prove yourself. Now, you're trying to prove yourself as wife material. Later it will be mother material. After that, you'll be worried about proving yourself worthy of staying married. Ugh. It's sad, but in my gut I just dont think I am the one for him. *tear* I've said this to you soooo many times, multiple times over the past few days as well. Who's to say HE is the one for YOU? You're not even convinced of it. As I said yesterday, I think you're merging your love for him with your desire to get married. But just because your love and your desire are happening at the same time doesn't necessarily mean he's the right guy to make that lifelong commitment to. It sounds like you guys have basic compatibility issues, his ideal of what a relationship or husband and wife relationship should be like is what he saw in his upbringing and yours is what you experienced. Cultural differences in terms of upbringing is very hard to mesh as a adults... I agree completely. You see compatibility as having things in common, and similar values about certain things. I think it comes down to much, much more than that. Some relationships are just not meant to be, you can try your damnest to be compatible but it just isn't meant to be. I know that because I have been in other relationships where we were more compatible and it felt totally different. Precisely. Sometimes love just ain't enough. I don't know maybe he is not. I was chatting with someone and she said that I might be merging my love for him with my desire to get married. I guess I just don't want to go through all the pain of losing him and moving out. I remember the horrible pain I went through getting over my ex bf. I don't know if I'm up for it again. I think the lifelong pain and anxiety you'd experience if you stayed with your BF, having to constantly feel like you're proving yourself, never able to be yourself and be accepted, always fighting, worried, anxious... that pain would be far worse than a breakup. The problem with having the "marriage" talk is that he is not going to tell me he doesn't want to marry me because he KNOWS that I will leave him. As far as I'm concerned, after 3 years, not saying YES is the equivalent of saying NO. Don't you? This relationship is such hard work!!!! It really, really is. I'd like to know from the HAPPILY marrieds... I realize relationships all require some work. But honestly, does it require THIS much work??? My chores will now be to clean the kitchen and the living room and he will clean the bathroom and bedroom. We also made a goal to put away laundry when we get back from the laundry mat so it doesn't get wrinkled. Who's "we"? Isn't this part of the reason why Saturday's fight started? Because you didn't put it away, then it got wrinkled, then you weren't ironing right, etc....?? I told him that his comment about me being a terrible wife hurt my feelings and he agreed that he would try not to say mean things that he knows will hurt me. WTF? He's going to TRY to not say mean things? He shouldn't even feel the urge! Hmn I don't know...it sounds to me like more of an audition than the next 4 months of a relationship. He's calling all the shots and she has to tip toe around him hoping he'll like the dinner she made for him or the windows she cleaned... This is spot on. Unfortunately, I think the "audition" feeling will last so long as the relationship does. Again, don't be mad at me, LB but I really don't think either one of you is ready for marriage and further, I'm not sure you're even a match. You're very sensitive, he's a little insensitive. You're ready to get married tomorrow practically and he's probably willing to wait years. You both have differences regarding child-rearing that although he says he'd bend to your will, I question that. Also, sometimes, (often?) the spanking/no spanking question goes beyond that into basic child-rearing differences and philosophies in other areas. He's a bit controlling and you're a bit stubborn. He's a neat freak and you're messy. He cooks, you don't. He needs more time away with his buddies than you're completely comfortable with..etc. etc. etc. I mean in and of themselves, none of these things are insurmountable, but when you really start stacking these differences up, I wonder you know? I completely agree, and this is why it seems like you two are just inherently incompatible. My guess is that he doesn't have the issues that you do. Besides PMC will lead to marriage. Precisely. He doesn't care nearly as much as LB does, and he knows PMC is pre-marriage. He doesn't want to lead you to believe that marriage is inevitable. What I see as the problem is that you are doing everything to please him so he will marry you. This is not good. If you cannot be yourself, then why would you want to spend your life with someone with whom you cannot be yourself? Ding ding ding!!! Re-read this over and over and over... This is what I was trying to convey last night. Is HE really the right guy for you, if everything you do is wrong? If you can't be accepted, just as you are? You don't want to be with someone who constantly makes you feel like you're not good enough for him, do you? Keep that in mind when he brings up this stuff. Be yourself, and be true to yourself. Be yourself, LB. If he accepts you for you, great. If not... Also, work on your temper. How YOU reacted during the fight needs to be worked on. I'll leave it up to you to disclose that part.
BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I knew there was more to this...temper? Hmmm...Obviously you already "disclosed" that part for LB. Care to elaborate on that, Laurie? As for the "worst advice" Uhm, no. Since LB isn't leaving her b/f any time soon my advice was actually very good about thinking of this as a test to see if she is willing and able to do what he wants to make her happy. I advised her over and over to negotiate for what SHE wants as well..it's a two way street. Look, I already said they're not compatible, in my view but LB isn't totally convinced of that. So my advice, if you really read it, was to do all she can and is willing and able to to see if they are indeed able to work things out. With all due respect, this was hilarious: LB, don't do anything just to make him happy. Are you kidding me with that? Do you want the girl to end up a spinster or married for one minute? If so, that's a good recipe. Don't do ANYTHING just to make him happy! Wow. Just be selfish. Never try to make the man you love happy just to make him happy. Un-be-lie-va-bly bad advice. As for the "happily marrieds" I'll bite. No, it doesn't require so much "work". But that all depends on your definiton of "work." To some trying to make your man happy, apparently is "work." To me it's not. He does everything he can to make ME happy and he doesn't see it as work but as a pleasurable thing...same goes for me. Pretty simple concept really. It's called give and take. NJ, now I see what you were gettng at and I agree. That's no way to live.
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 As for the "worst advice" Uhm, no. Since LB isn't leaving her b/f any time soon my advice was actually very good about thinking of this as a test to see if she is willing and able to do what he wants to make her happy. My opinion stands, Touche. While it IS a test, that doesn't make it right. SO's don't "test" each other. At least not in healthy relationships. Not by a mile. You told her she should do what's going to make HIM happy. Where does HER comfort, HER acceptance, HER happiness come into play? Don't do ANYTHING just to make him happy! Wow. Just be selfish. Never try to make the man you love happy just to make him happy. Un-be-lie-va-bly bad advice. I knew you'd be here to pick apart every word I write. Typical. Listen, I didn't say don't do anything that will make him happy. I said don't do things JUST to make him happy. There's always gotta be a reason that benefits you (or the relationship!) as well, even if only because doing something that makes the other person happy makes you happy too. However, to do things JUST to make him happy, things she does NOT want to do, JUST in the hopes that making him happy will make him want to marry her is a recipe for HER unhappiness. I care about LB's happiness right now. She vacillates between happiness (when she can really be herself) and misery (when she's trying to "be want he wants" [i.e., just make HIM happy]). He does everything he can to make ME happy and he doesn't see it as work but as a pleasurable thing...same goes for me. Pretty simple concept really. It's called give and take. That's precisely where you/H and LB/BF differ, and where my opinion above comes into play.
BareGoddess Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I know but if her goal is to have a happy relationship then what's wrong with her seeing if she can make HIM happy in that one way for the good of the relationship. I already explained all of this. I didn't say she should do it at her own expense. But if she wants to have a good relationship, maybe she can do some things she doesn't necessarily want to do. We ALL have to do that from time to time to make our SO's happy...not because we're twisting ourselves in a pretzel or anything. All I suggested is for her to try it and see if it was more than she can handle. If it was worth it. If it made him happy. If it made them have a better relationship. I too, stand by my advice. Her comfort, her acceptance and her happiness in part should come from making HIM happy. That's how it works in a good relationship. And you're very mistaken if you don't think couples "test" each other. Yep, even in good relationships...particularly in the beginning stages, like LB is in...not so much later. But that's how good relationships come to be. They don't just happen. They're tested and tested and tested. And with every "test" passed, the relationship gets stronger until there is total acceptance, or as close to it as you can get. But hell, what do I know right? I've only been with my guy for 14 years. Maybe in a few more years I'll know better. But yeah, they're doing a power play on each other. It's a disaster for a relationship. That's why I thought LB could take the high road and see if that yielded any results. Hell, she has nothing to lose.
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I acknowledge that relationships in and of themselves are tests. However, if one person is intentionally testing the other, that's just not good. If you feel compelled to test your SO, that's your answer right there. There's a clear distinction there.
Trialbyfire Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I agree with you both. Relationships shouldn't be so difficult. If they are, there are some fundamental differences. In this scenario, there are A LOT of differences, not only in approach but foundationally. I would have thrown up my middle finger and walked about 2.4999 years ago but then, I tend to pull the trigger pretty fast. I have to give LB credit for her perserverence, albeit to her detriment.
Star Gazer Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I agree with you both. Relationships shouldn't be so difficult. If they are, there are some fundamental differences. In this scenario, there are A LOT of differences, not only in approach but foundationally. I wrestle with whether or not their differences can be overcome with time. Perhaps they really can. Not because either one of them will change per se, but because they will each grow up. KWIM? If they mature and grow together in the same direction, it might all work out. I would have thrown up my middle finger and walked about 2.4999 years ago but then, I tend to pull the trigger pretty fast. I have to give LB credit for her perserverence, albeit to her detriment. Don't speak so soon. Oh BTW... LB: Are you both only children? I forget...
sb129 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 You know what? LB has her faults, and she often lays the bones of her R out for us all to pick over. She only does this when there is something she is unsure of, which, granted is quite alot of the time, BUT she never gets to post when things are going well, which must be a big percentage of the time, right? My H and I fight about cleaning etc- we had a large issue just before our wedding over a similar issue which I posted about. Sometimes I get mad and lose my temper with him for slovenly behaviour, but he never does it with an ounce of malice, and if I ask him right he will always amend his ways. I have been known to get angry and say things I don't mean, but I have made an effort to communicate with him in a more civil manner over these issues as I know it gets me further. But we are really really happy in general, and when I posted about the abovementioned pre-wedding cleaning issue, I was really surprised that a few posters saw that as a red flag and a "sign" that our marriage could have problems. What do they know that I don't? Or do I need to post the 10000000000 awesome things about my marriage to counterbalance the one rant just so some people don't immediately post "Oh, thats it your R is doomed"? PS thanks to those (many of whom have posted in this thread) who are my R champions. I am not ready to write LB and Mr. LB off just yet. I think they are growing together. Neither of them are perfect, and I don't know if they will last the distance. They have a wee way to go yet though.
Dumbledore Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 But hell, what do I know right? I've only been with my guy for 14 years. I don't know... next to our one-month winter specials, I think you would have to have the edge in relationship credibility. I think you're just a smidgeon past the honeymoon stage.
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