mike01 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Ok I'll let you in on my life. Hope you bear with me for a while. I can't seem to be able to really have love. I'm 20 and haven't had a single girlfriend. I've had girls who have 'loved' me and I've been in 'love' with a few but never been in a serious relationship. I'm starting to get really desperate with this stuff. I currently have this girl who I think I'm starting to fall 'in love with', she's all I can think of and I am just genuinely so happy when I spend time with her. Gave her a single pink rose and wrote a card for her and brought it at her work place just so you get the picture. I'm really a romantic fool and it sucks. It kills me because I do not think she feels the same way, in fact it's a really complicated situation and apparently she hasn't been in a relationship before either. She has said that she 'likes me' but that 'she wants to be friends, so there wouldn't be any awkward moments'. She apparently thought all this time that I'm a "player" and only after that "one thing". (her words). The thing is that is not me and it really hurts that she would even think that. So I wrote this massive email to her explaining how I appreciate how she feels and really RESPECT her and told her how much I enjoy just being with her like I really, genuinely do. and that being friends is fine with me. I did tell her how I felt but never said "I LOVE YOU" or anything like that directly. Because I think that would just push her away. She responded saying nobody has ever said anything so beautiful about her and that she's always been the fat, ugly kid with no boyfriend. But yet she just wants to be friends because of the reasons above. To not make it 'awkward'. Wow all of this stuff is so confusing that I can barely keep track of it myself trying to write it all down. Just hope someone could actually shed some light on this whole 'love thing' Now I should explain something about myself to support the story. It always seems to go the same with me. I fall in love, go crazy about the girl and it never quite works out. (there's been a total of 3 cases this severe) Or, a girl 'falls' for me but I don't feel anything resulting in nothing. Some girls have said that I'm rather desirable. I'm really tall and dark. 197cm or 6'7" or something with an athletic build so people really kind of 'notice' me. I'm pretty social and have quite an original taste of humor really and usually don't have problems talking to girls or anything, get them to laugh and stuff.I'm really sensitive but manage to hide it well. I have a lot of problems at home and therefore can't bring any girls here. My parents drink and argue continually. It's been the same **** for 15 years or something and I just can't take it. I'm becoming an emotional loonie with this crap. I do not talk about this though so the girls wouldn't know. I don't want to come across as a 'weak' person that I suppose I really am. I keep up this image of being tough and not caring what people think. It's pretty sad really, as the only time I'm really happy is when I'm with this girl as of late. Yesterday I kind of wanted to kill myself after having spent a couple of amazing hours having fun with the girl outside, but immediately after getting home I got sad knowing that this wouldn't last.. and that we're "only friends". I'm just really tired of this. Kept thinking about different ways to do it and took a few painkillers (not with the intention of actually killing myself but just to help me sleep and forget about this crap for a while) I wouldn't do that though because it would hurt people and I don't want that. Seriously though I don't know what to do. Hope someone could advice me how to deal with this girl. Currently listening to Foo Fighters makes me feel a little better though lol. they're amazing. cheers... mike
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