BlueHarvest Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 So lately I've been worrying about how to make my 3 month relationship with this girl I've been seeing progress. We are dating, but not offically BF/GF. At least not in my eyes... Anyhow, I was discussing this with a co-worker of mine and he said I should just enjoy the relationship for what it is and not worry so much. Sound advice I'm sure, but here is the kicker... In response to this I said "Yea, you're right...but I just want her to know that I'm not just dating her for fun, I want her to know I'm serious." And in saying this I realized that maybe this is my problem. The fact that I view a relationship right now as a means to an end....a road to get into marriage...rather then just two people with commonalities enjoying themselves. Perhaps I don't deserve to be in my relationship with this attitude... Anyone have any thoughts they would like to share on this?
lovingalways Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Well, it's not really a bad thing to have hope that this is the right person for you. But you might get disappointed down the road because that might not be the right person for you and you invested so much energy into a relationship. You can make the relationship serious AND fun (it doesn't have to lead to marriage). Like, I dated this one guy for 4 years and we were serious about one another - we ended up breaking up but our relationship was serious AND fun. And why would you think you don't deserve to be in a relationship because of this? That's not true. I know many people who think like you and are in a relationship (I used to think like you, but not anymore). And it's been 3 months! So if you two get along, then make it a bit more serious (but not too serious). Is this your first gf? Listen, it's all about communication. Talk with her. See how she feels about the whole thing and then decide whether it can be a serious relationship or just one of those "Let's have fun with each other!".
Geishawhelk Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 let me ask you a question: What is it about marraige that is so important to you? What can you get out of a marriage, that you can't get out of a good relationship? To my mind - and I understand that I'm just giving you MY opinion here - Marriage is an outdated commodity. It's functions are so obscure as to be obsolete, and a good 50% of marriages 'fail' anyway, so - I'm actually in agreement with your friend. And I'm glad you've asked yourself the question.... I'm not suggesting you should now act the horny rooster let loose in the henhouse. Find the middle ground, look after yourself and enjoy whatever comes your way. And treat ladies with dignity, respect and try to not break too many hearts. Edit to ADD: if you want a long-term commitment, go for one. if you want to just have some casual fun, then do that. But don't tie your mind up in little knots.
Author BlueHarvest Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Technically, this would be my first true Girlfriend. Sure, I dated people in high school and college but they never lasted more then a few weeks at most. Just didn't click. This one is different. We click on many levels, yet there is an underlying barrier that is still seperating us. Because I've never gotten this far in a relationship it's hard for me to tell whether that barrier is caused by my actions or a result of her own actions. As such, I've been questioning myself much more as of late and find myself worrying about every little thing I do, simply because I've never gotten this far in a relationship and I'm treading on new ground. Not to mention I don't wanna screw things up and lose her. She's definitly the best thing to happen to me so far in my life. (Cliche I know...)
OneTwo Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Technically, this would be my first true Girlfriend. Sure, I dated people in high school and college but they never lasted more then a few weeks at most. ... And now you are looking for marriage? This seems a bit naive to me. Take a personal inventory and discover what you truly want out of this relationship. If it is a good thing, just enjoy it. Don't try to force it into any one direction as that will create certain expectations that can change the dynamic of the relationship. Remember, in life the it it is the jouney that matters, not the end. In the end, no one survives.
Author BlueHarvest Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Where did I say I was looking for marriage right now? I didn't. I merely stated that my view on relationships is they either ultimately end in marriage or they don't. And unlike most guys I don't get into relationships that won't end in marriage. Understand? i.e. I don't do one night stands, or hook up with girls who I have no interest in pursuing. I know what I want out of this relationship. And that is ultimately to see if we are compatible and go towards that road that eventually leads to a family. FYI might be best not to call people naive.
OneTwo Posted January 14, 2009 Posted January 14, 2009 ... The fact that I view a relationship right now as a means to an end....a road to get into marriage...rather then just two people with commonalities enjoying themselves... Maybe I misunderstood what you meant by this. It just seems that you are putting the cart before the horse and forgetting to enjoy the ride. Hey, and no offense meant by saying that what you were said seemed naive. Let me put it another way: you have your whole life ahead or yourself, don't get too caught up in making sure you are heading down the path to being married, dead, and burried. Just enjoy the now....
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