Sari Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Argh I just emailed my ex to talk about money stuff and how I will be moving in to a new studio flat (ie crappy little flat with no living room) and I felt an overwhelming wave of anger and sadness that this is what my life has become, when 6 months ago I was so happy and in love in my nice little flat with the man I planned to spend the rest of my life with. I basically told him I hate him and wish he was dead, that he had broken my heart, betrayed me and I don't know how the f*ck I'm going to move on but I have to as he has broken everything irrepairably. It was pretty insane. I needed to vent so much, I haven't spoken to him since we split up 6 weeks ago, he sent me a couple of emails saying he feels terrible and misses me blah blah and either I haven't replied or I have just sent the bare minimum, keeping things strictly business. This is the first time I have admitted to having some feelings other than "I'm ok thanks", and I went completely psycho. I quickly sent him another short email just saying sorry and please don't worry about me, I am ok. He has not replied to either. I had a short fling that ended last week too, and I really liked him, but he just wanted to be friends. I know it's for the best as I am in no way over my ex but the distraction was wonderful... now I feel so low and have the double blow of rejection from two men whilst trying so hard to get over my ex, ugh ugh ugh. I can't seem to strike a happy medium, either I am not thinking about my ex at all and suppressing everything or I'm crying non-stop and feeling like I wanna die. I started therapy last week, hopefully this will help me out a bit.
EmperorR Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 It sucks when you have comfort stability a nice place etc., life planned then smack got to start all over from the beginning and pick up the pieces alone I know it all to well. But you can do it, be strong you don't need anyone else but yourself. Keep yourself busy, if you just stay idling of course thoughts of your ex will creep and overwhelm your mind. You can do this, best of luck.
Author Sari Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Thanks Emperor, I have been trying to tell myself that I can look after myself and I don't need anyone apart from myself, independent woman and all that crap, but sometimes it's so hard, like last night in bed, I wanted a cuddle so much that I ended up having to cuddle myself, how f*cking pathetic is that??!! I'm going to be 27 in a few weeks. I thought that my ex and I would be married within a year or so, planning kids. Now I'm single, exhausted and looking like hell. And the worst part of it is that I don't know if I would get back with my ex if he asked me, as he has hurt me so much and damaged my confidence to the point where I don't know if I could ever trust him with my heart again. So I am heartbroken over something that I'm not sure I would change if I could. Ugh. Too confusing.
stray_cat Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 i can sooo relate. i used to live in a 2 bedroom luxury apartment with my ex-husband. it was simply a perfect home, then we got separated 6 months ago and are now divorcing. for the past six months i have already moved twice and now live in a crappy small place. i just totally hate it. it's so very hard to get used to a new lifestyle and living condition thats far from what we had before and it makes me hate him for putting me through this.
Frankasy Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I know that feeling Sari. You're in love, feel like you're on the top of the world, like you're unreachable, like your partner until one things leads to another and in a blink you find yourself from the top to the bottom. Well the first thing I would advice you to do is no contact at all with your ex bf. Believe me, it's hard, it's gonna get even harder if he sends you emails, text messages, has you on Facebook etc but eventually you'll be much more stronger. Second, don't worry about those other guys, they were just fish that were passing by, there are plenty more in the ocean if you know what I mean. I'm guessing that you're looking for a serious relationship that won't end like your previous one so to have one you gotta be calm and not rush anything so that you're sure that the next guy will be the one. Just take your time and in the meanwhile go out with friends, family and try to have fun, take your mind off your ex. Believe me, after a while you'll feel much better than you were with your ex.
Author Sari Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Thanks a lot for your kind and thoughtful replies everyone. I am feeling a bit calmer now, my ex still hasn't replied but I'm kinda glad, he's got nothing to say that will make me feel better anyway, so what's the point? I just hate this 'going through the motions' crap, I wish I could do a Rip Van Winkle and go to sleep for 100 years, sleep through all the pain. But instead I have to do things like sort out my finances and attempt to scrape through another day at work, ugh. All the while feeling like a shell of a person. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make this go away but I just needed to vent.
Frankasy Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Thanks a lot for your kind and thoughtful replies everyone. I am feeling a bit calmer now, my ex still hasn't replied but I'm kinda glad, he's got nothing to say that will make me feel better anyway, so what's the point? I just hate this 'going through the motions' crap, I wish I could do a Rip Van Winkle and go to sleep for 100 years, sleep through all the pain. But instead I have to do things like sort out my finances and attempt to scrape through another day at work, ugh. All the while feeling like a shell of a person. I know there is nothing anyone can say to make this go away but I just needed to vent. Hey don't even worry about it. Just keep this in mind, life comes only once, enjoy it as much as you can. Don't put your life on hold just for one person, no matter how special he/she might be. Just live your life, go have fun. I'm sure that love(If that's what you had with your ex) will come once again for you cause you seem like a pretty good person. Just hold on and be strong.
Author Sari Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Thank you for your kind words Frankasy, I hope you are doing ok today. My ex emailed back the email I have dreamed of getting since we split, he's realised that I'm the best thing to ever happen to him and he wants me back, and will wait forever for me, and is so sorry. Now I am soooo confused, I've worked so hard to get over it and now...? I'm so happy too though. Argh argh argh. I told him I need time to think.
Frankasy Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Thank you for your kind words Frankasy, I hope you are doing ok today. My ex emailed back the email I have dreamed of getting since we split, he's realised that I'm the best thing to ever happen to him and he wants me back, and will wait forever for me, and is so sorry. Now I am soooo confused, I've worked so hard to get over it and now...? I'm so happy too though. Argh argh argh. I told him I need time to think. I'm fine thanks. Well I really want you to be happy but if you want my words, I would say that he doesn't deserve you and that you shouldn't go back with him. I mean he cheated on you once, he might do it again. You seem like such a nice woman and if he had you and cheated on you, it means that he isn't ready for a serious relationship with anyone. You could get hurt again so I would recommend that you don't go back with him but again, it's up to you to decide. Well I know that it does sound kinda nice when you have a chance to go back to that life that you considered wonderful, if you do choose to talk to him about getting back together, just keep one thing in mind, start from the beginning with him, not there were you left it. Don't start being close with him from the start, give him and most importantly yourself time to study him, to figure out if he's really changed. Don't think of moving back together with him right away, give it time. If he tries to rush everything, know that he's probably gonna end up hurting you again. Just remember to be yourself when you talk with him, to be free of the emotions you once had for him. Be cold, make him suffer for the mistakes he did and why he lost such a great girl like you. In other words you be the ummm well boss if I could say this time. Anyways just tell me what your decision so that I could be more specific.
Author Sari Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Wow Frankasy you are doing wonders for my self-esteem with your kind words! Thank you very much for your response too. I hope I can help you out similarly should you need it. My ex never cheated on me as far as I know, I should just clear that up. He was a wonderful bf throughout our relationship, he just suffered from never-grew-up-itis, panicked and ran away like a boy, not a man of 31. The reason I refer to his 'betrayal' is that we basically had an understanding that we would be getting married and starting a family in the near future, and he swore he would never leave me and loved me. Then I found out he had been harbouring doubts and worries for months on end without confiding in me, which caused him to go nuts one day and just up and leave. That felt like a betrayal to me, as I was always completely honest with him and thought that he was with me too, as he always claimed to be. Maybe betrayal is too strong a word but when you put your complete trust, faith and love in someone and they promise to return it whole-heartedly, it certainly feels like a betrayal when they hit the road without a backward glance! Still confused really, but I told my bf I need time to think, so that is what I shall do! I have a ridiculously fickle heart though, and now I know he wants me back I can't help but think about the guy I had a fling with, whereas before my ex consumed my thoughts more. Maybe I am just too immature to be in a relationship. I would hate to hurt my ex by leaving him further down the line. Sigh.
Frankasy Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Wow Frankasy you are doing wonders for my self-esteem with your kind words! Thank you very much for your response too. I hope I can help you out similarly should you need it. My ex never cheated on me as far as I know, I should just clear that up. He was a wonderful bf throughout our relationship, he just suffered from never-grew-up-itis, panicked and ran away like a boy, not a man of 31. The reason I refer to his 'betrayal' is that we basically had an understanding that we would be getting married and starting a family in the near future, and he swore he would never leave me and loved me. Then I found out he had been harbouring doubts and worries for months on end without confiding in me, which caused him to go nuts one day and just up and leave. That felt like a betrayal to me, as I was always completely honest with him and thought that he was with me too, as he always claimed to be. Maybe betrayal is too strong a word but when you put your complete trust, faith and love in someone and they promise to return it whole-heartedly, it certainly feels like a betrayal when they hit the road without a backward glance! Still confused really, but I told my bf I need time to think, so that is what I shall do! I have a ridiculously fickle heart though, and now I know he wants me back I can't help but think about the guy I had a fling with, whereas before my ex consumed my thoughts more. Maybe I am just too immature to be in a relationship. I would hate to hurt my ex by leaving him further down the line. Sigh. No problem at all. I mean you and I seem to be in a similar situation, think of us as we're both suffering from the same disease, we can both be stronger by helping each other. Plus you seem like a great person from your posts so I feel like wanna help you. Thanks, I'm getting a bit stronger every day but thanks. Well anyways since it's not that kind of betrayal I would say that maybe you should give him another chance if you really care about him and he does too. Maybe he panicked cause things were going a bit too fast, that's my main guess but it's not your fault so don't be angry at yourself. Since you really love him and don't want to see him suffer, I say try to be with each other once more, this time try to take things a bit more slowly although you might be right by trying to get to the next stage with him. Keep in mind that your ex(Boyfriend if you get back together) is a serious candidate for you to spend your life with so be patient on him. The honesty between you two is a good thing for your relationship so if you sense that he's insecure, just stay calm, don't freak out. Think of it this way, you two are both in your own cars, going together on a trip, you're ahead of him and for a few moments you lose sight of him, what are the possibilities? Sure your mind and mine too if I was in your place would go to a negative situation but remain optimistic, think about the possibility of him losing his way so you turn back and reach him again. The same thing can be said about you two, maybe he just got a little scared of the whole commitment thing and forgot the thought that he was going to be with a wonderful person for the rest of his life. You gotta help him realize that, that you'll always be there for him and of course he'll be there for you too. Reply back to his email, I would suggest that you both grab a cup of coffee and talk about it since it's kinda difficult and awkward to talk about such an issue over the computer or even phone. Be understanding with him and I'm sure that this time there will be no more mistakes(By him). Good luck and I hope it really works for you, let me know.
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