rebeccajones Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I currently and have only dated men the last 4 years. In my late 20's and early 30's I had a few relationships with women. I am no longer into that am am a bit ashamed and regret that I went that route. I was not interested in women except for that short period. I've always had boyfriends. Anyway my Q is I still have a few friends who are gay. I don't want to scare a guy off so I'd like to keep my past and gay friends from him for as long as possible. Does that make sense. I mean wouldnt a guy be turned off or concerned if he knew? Any opinion is appreciated.
Charles1978 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I think what you need to hear is something related to my current situation. The girl that I am seeing now told me in the very beginning that she dated a girl for a few months. Sure, at first it freaked me out. But one of the things that I like about this girl is that she openly admits and shares things about her past. We all make different choices along the way. But I got past it when I realized how much I liked the girl. And she doesn't want anyone in her life who doesn't accept her past. I admire her for that. I don't know if she still likes girls. I would imagine that she probably does... she is probably bi. I don't know, but I don't care either. Good luck!
fromfaraway Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Welcome to our forum, Rebeca My question to you is this: do you view yourself as bisexual? If not, how do you explain to yourself indulging into same-sex relationships? If you are bisexual, do not you think your guy deserve to know that? It is true we have a right to keep our pasts to ourselves, BUT when we go into a relationships we loose a bit that right because the other person goes into a relation assuming things about us and they deserve to know that much. Do I object to having a girl that had same-sex relationships? Not necessarily. I do recognize that humans are somewhere on a spectrum, varying from fiercely gay to fiercely hetrosexual. Try to look deep into yourself and try to understand what that history means. I got once into a relationship with a girl with that type of history. She said she regretted it. However, we had sex about once a month, and she would throw up if she sees cum ( I am a very clean guy). So I eventually realized that she was more gay than she wanted to admit to herself. I do not know that you are more hetro or more gay. But I feel that you need to consider the questions I raised above and other issues other members will raise. Needless to say, I wish nothing but the very best
Trimmer Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I like Charles' points. Really, which one sounds more comforting and intimate: being with a man who accepts you for who you are, completely, or being with a man who you feel like it's necessary to have hidden a part of your past from him? If you find the first guy, you probably won't have to hide anything from him in the first place. If you're with the second guy, you'll feel like you have to keep it hidden forever.
Treasa Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 What I find amusing is that most guys talk about how they WISH their girlfriends had lesbian or bi encounters, but when it comes down to it, I think a lot of these guys would feel freaked out by it. I'm bi, but have always had boyfriends. My boyfriend wouldn't care if I had had a girlfriend in the past. Guys or girls, your sexual past is YOUR business and no one else's. If anyone has a problem with it, that's their issue.
blind_otter Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I had one serious relationship with a woman in my past, and for my entire adult life I have made no secret of it with men I have dated (I did, however, keep it from my family. They are uber-judgmental and conservative). No one has ever had a problem with it. I also agree that it is better to be with someone who will not have an issue with your past, than to have to hide certain issues for the rest of your life...
Author rebeccajones Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Thanks for the welcome . I don't consider myself bi. I'm looking for a serious relationship I just don't want to taint it by bringing up the past. I probably wont hide it, but will not go out of my way to tell him in the beginning. It has been used against me, but I guess it's better not to hide it.
tanbark813 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I don't want to scare a guy off so I'd like to keep my past and gay friends from him for as long as possible. I think that's a bad idea. My current gf has had relationships with girls in the past. She was completely forthcoming and open about it (as she is with pretty much everything, for that matter). If she tried to hide that then it would come across as dishonest and would be a much bigger concern, IMO.
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I don't want to scare a guy off so I'd like to keep my past and gay friends from him for as long as possible. Well, if he is scared off so quickly, then he isn't the guy for you.
Author rebeccajones Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Quick Question. Regarding past. Some of my old friends who are gay ask me to do things etc, but I don't always feel so comfortable hanging out with them. I kind of think it's not such a great lifestyle or something I'm not so interested in. A friend recently invited me to a sports event, a team I like, but I just don't feel so comfortable going with her and also I am dating someone and would rather do something with him. How can I tell someone this without completely losing their friendship? Any suggestions are appreciated. Thanks!
fromfaraway Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Quick Question. Regarding past. Some of my old friends who are gay ask me to do things etc, but I don't always feel so comfortable hanging out with them. I kind of think it's not such a great lifestyle or something I'm not so interested in. A friend recently invited me to a sports event, a team I like, but I just don't feel so comfortable going with her and also I am dating someone and would rather do something with him. How can I tell someone this without completely losing their friendship? Any suggestions are appreciated. Thanks! I think that now you are faced with tough choices and that there is no way out but choosing. One thing you can do is to keep making lame excuses until people get bored and stop inviting you. The sad thing is that our past, in many different ways, keeps haunting us. It is like one a person in a moment of weakness makes a mistake and they are labled a convict for a life-time :mad:
Treasa Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Quick Question. Regarding past. Some of my old friends who are gay ask me to do things etc, but I don't always feel so comfortable hanging out with them. I kind of think it's not such a great lifestyle or something I'm not so interested in. A friend recently invited me to a sports event, a team I like, but I just don't feel so comfortable going with her and also I am dating someone and would rather do something with him. How can I tell someone this without completely losing their friendship? Any suggestions are appreciated. Thanks! Well, you shouldn't hang out with people you don't like spending time with. Or do you like spending time with her, but just think that being gay is wrong? If so, why did you have gay relationships? I don't get that. Also, what's going to happen if you blow off your friends to spend time with your boyfriend, and then you two break up? Are you going to be one of those people who only gives her friends the time of day in between boyfriends?
Recommended Posts