redd2234 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Hi, first time poster here with a dilemma. Me and my long term girlfriend recently got engaged and we both love each other. We are both fairly young, I am 26 she is 24. She is my first gf and sometimes I feel the twinge of regret of not having dated and "experienced" a full single life. We are currently in a long distance relationship, and we had a heart to heart discussion about the possibility of seeing other people while still remaining together. I told her I was not exactly comfortable with her seeing other people and she was ok with that, but she told me I was "allowed" to date other people while we are apart. Although I am tempted to do this, I am not sure if this will damage our relationship even though she put the green light on this. I would like to act have fun, party, see other people while we are apart, but at the same time I want to make sure there are no negative consequences on our relationship. What is the forums opinion on my prediacament? Help greatly appreciated.
Geishawhelk Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 LDR and Open? Forget it. You'd be better calling it a day and going your separate ways than doing this. This is fraught with disasters waiting to happen. Break up, be just good friends, then see about hooking up as and when and if you move back close together again. Engaged, huh? To be married that is...? And having discussions like this? Gimme a break.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Generally speaking, no they don't. The only way they can work: * The core of the relationship is not based on sex. The glue holding you together cannot be romantic or sexual. When you take from the inside and give to the outside, there has to be some base there that can't be touched by outside relationships. Since outside relationships are romantic and sexual, then your inside one has to be based on something else besides that - something like family love, deep affection, best friends, etc. Something where when your partner is out on a date, you are happily sitting at home watching TV and not caring that he/she is with someone else. Only long, long, long term couples generally can operate like this. * Neither partner believes in monogamy with anyone. * Both parties are 100% in agreement, eager to go for it, and with absolutely no doubts or fears. Any tiny bit of doubt will become a monster in an open relationship. Rule of thumb: if you think it can hurt your relationship, it will - guaranteed.
Author redd2234 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Yeah, you guys are right it is a bad idea. Should I be worried that she is encouraging me to date other people though? We are long distance, but she seems to find it acceptable if we are allowed to see other people. At the same time she is not distancing herself from me and is still loving in attitude.
grogster Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I would be concerned. Most engaged young women, even in LDR's, don't urge thier fiancees to date. Something's rotten in Denmark.
Trialbyfire Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Any idea what her historical relationships were like? How did they end?
Dumbledore Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I doubt she's had any previous lives. Don't get hysterical over the historical, unless you believe in reincarnation.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Should I be worried that she is encouraging me to date other people though? We are long distance, but she seems to find it acceptable if we are allowed to see other people. It means that she already has someone in mind, or has already been with someone else and her guilt is disguising itself as altruism. By the time your partner suggests an open relationship seemingly out of the blue, they've already laid the groundwork for one on their end.
Geishawhelk Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I would be concerned. Most engaged young women, even in LDR's, don't urge thier fiancees to date. Something's rotten in Denmark. "There is nothing either 'bad' or 'Good' but that thinking makes it so." Hamlet. "This above all: To thine own self be True, And it must follow as the night, the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Ibid. Cool cookie that shakespeare. How very appropriate.
grogster Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 "There is nothing either 'bad' or 'Good' but that thinking makes it so." Hamlet. "This above all: To thine own self be True, And it must follow as the night, the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Ibid. Cool cookie that shakespeare. How very appropriate. G, you caught it. I was just being my usual flip self. Nice catch.
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