stoopid42long Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Hey, I'm new to this. Been separated for 3 n half years. Tried to get a divorce at different times but dealing with an ex that has Bi Polar has made things very tricky. Was married for 17 yrs when I asked him to leave....most of that time i have memories of bizarre behaviour and infidelity. We have 2 sons that are teenagers and my aim was to make sure they wouldnt get hurt like I did by his behaviour. He hasnt seeked help 4 his condidtion regardless of how it harms others. That is why we can't live together. Each time i have asked 4 a divorce he has asked to come back etc and says he will change if he has sumthing goal. I have held tight and and said NO! Recently in 2008 he has been lying and traveling to the Phillipines and chating online to an 18 yr, he is 45. My eldest son found out and he asked him to keep it a secret. He is in debt and hasnt paid his share of mortgage, an arrangement he made because he didnt want to pay childsupport. He has brought her back to Aust on chrismas eve and she is living with him. He has spent all his money on getting her here and gave the kids a crap xmas present. They feel like he has discarded them cos he has no time 4 them and they are shocked that she is the same age as my eldest son. He is not going to work most days to entertain her and they were stuck with her and him all over each other at christmas. He has lost it big time!!!! My kids went to ex's fthis weekend. I had spoken to him in detail on the Friday before he picked them up about the kids concerns and feelings and how they felt that he wasn't spending anytime with them. He promised me that he would spend the weekend doing things with them and would have a private chat to them to clear up their insecurities. The kids came home today upset and feeling like they were ignored. He didn't have the chat with them, his plans didn't come through. He spent most of the weekend in the bedroom with his GF and everytime they tried to get his attention she would recall him back into the room. On the sunday he had planned a fishing trip with his brother, neice and the kids. he announced to them the night before that he would have to meet them later in the day because his GF needed him to take her to church! His brother basically had to take them fishing in the morning and he finally turned up at lunch with some food and then told the kids that him and his GF were going to have a rest in the shade, lying down together while the kids were left to go for a swim. he managed to stay for 2 hrs and then said that his GF was tired and wanted to go home. They are disappointed and hurt. I suggested maybe they should stay at home and not put themselves through it at the moment while all his focus is elsewhere. I'm angry and feel like he is being a jerk. What do you think I should be doing to help support the kids? Ijust don't think talking to him worked and frankly I just want to make sure the kids don't suffer. Please give me some advice. [/FONT][/COLOR]
Lishy Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I feel for you S, the good thing is that they are teenagers and you can maybe talk to them more openly about the realities of their dad. I woiuld sit them down and explain in a way that does not bad mouth their dad how he can be and the reasons why you left. Explain that he has a mental health condition and that he will treat everyone in his life in this way and it is not personal to them. Let them know that they have a choice to visit their dad or not and explain that even though he may be rejecting them a bit it does not mean he does not love them. They will come to their own conclusions and to be honest they are lucky that they have you! Be there for them and show them that even though dad may have other things on his mind that you dont. I know how you feel and how bad it hurts. I have arranged therapy for my son in the hope that it helps him, maybe it is something you could look into?
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